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Help me with my inner conflict about my band

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  • Help me with my inner conflict about my band

    I have lived in Melbourne for 2 and a half years. I left a side-project back in my hometown of Adelaide. Things managed to continue as I used to go back to Adelaide often to practice and play with them. 

    Now it is getting to the point where they are ready to take it a bit more serious and play more often. I have been thinking for a few months now of moving back to Adelaide. But it is a much smaller city. I have realised that music is my passion and one of the reasons I have been unhappy is because I haven't been playing music. I have rather unsuccessfully being trying to get a day job.

    So I went to an open day of a music course in Melbourne and saw that it is a great opportunity to meet new musicians and break into the more fertile music scene in Melbourne. 

    This brings me to a cross roads, I will be happier in the short term back in Adelaide playing music with my friends and possiblly starting another band, but in a much smaller scene. Or I can break my own heart I form new bands in Melbourne with much more playing oppportunities and musicians who would be interested in making the music I want to. 

    I am very close friends with the members of my band in Adelaide, so it is partly a move for friendship and to eliminate my own lonliness in a new city and also I do not want to let down such close friends of mine. 

    I feel absolutely frozen by this inner conflict as I can't explore where I currently live musically until I have decided in my mind I am no longer in my Adelaide band. But everytime I go back to play with them or see something on facebook about the band it makes me want to move back and be apart of it. 

    What does one do in this situation? Do I cut my ties and venture into the new city full of opportunies and wish them all the best (they will be able to continue the band without me) or move back and rekindle my interest with them and form an additional new band in a smaller place?

    I feel so passionate about my friendships, band and social network in Adelaide but I feel equally as passionate about music and giving it my best shot. I probably haven't explained this situation clearly enough but any thoughts and comments would really help me work this out. 

  • #2

    Move on and give it your best shot.  Adelaide will always be there in one form or another, but you will only have so many opportunities to take a chance at doing something bigger.

    I think you will likely have a much bigger regret years from now if you stay in Adelaide and always have to wonder "what if" about not ever taking that shot at things in Melbourne.


    • Guitarmatt
      Guitarmatt commented
      Editing a comment
      There is a level of regret on both sides of the coin. I wonder "what if" about my existing band and social network currently and its destroying my mind in the short term. I wish this decision was easier and they could all just move to Melbourne.
      The plot thickens in that I have an opportunity to study something that will get me a decent day job in Adelaide. I anxious about my future and income. But I certainly don't want to wake up one day and someone finds a guitar in my house and says ''oh i didn't know you could play the guitar''.
      I guess this also brings up the question, if you want to be a musician - what do you do as a dayjob?

  • #3
    The most important question.

    How old are you?

    If the band wants to take it further, and you're young, almost any day mon-fri day job will do.

    I'm an old guy (43) too old to and too comfortable to be a full time musician.
    PA Unity15's over LS800p's. YX15's, YX12's IPR power, RM32AI

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    • #4

      Bring your guys to Melbourne, so you can play with the band you love in the scene that will be of the most benefit.




      • #5

        Wow Guitarmatt,

        This is not an easy situation at all.

        Everybody is different and the choice is depending on the person but in a similar case, I would listen more to my instinct than to my reason. What is the most important for you would probably to make sure you won't have any regrets with your choice. If you go for your career, your feelings will depend on how fulfilling music will be for you. Leaving best friends is never easy.

        15 years ago I left Paris, my band and my best friends for an opportunity with music in Berlin. I missed everybody a lot and my band immensely but I do not regret because the experience was amazing. After 4 years, I left Berlin to start everything from 0 in Amsterdam with music and the irony is that this year, after 10 years in Amsterdam I'll be back where I started, in Paris, for the same reason I left... MUSIC.




        • guido61
          guido61 commented
          Editing a comment

          When I was 21 I had an offer to join a band that was touring a lot playing covers and working on originals as well.   It had the promise to be steady income (much harder to do with a band these days) but the biggest conflict for me was dropping out of college to do this.

          But I knew that I had to take a shot at the rock and roll dream when I was young, but I could always go back to college when I was older.  I knew I'd never be able to live with myself if I grew old wondering "what if".

          Well, I never made it to rock-star status, and I never actually finished college either.  But I have ZERO regrets about the choice I made.  I learned a lot, and had the best time of my life doing the rock thing all through my twenties.  

          But I wasn't in your situation with another band back home and largely unknown prospects in the bigger city.  So the only advice I can really give is just that if either of the choices seem more immediate---something you'd never be able to go back to later on---then maybe that's the one to focus on right now.

      • #6
        As they say though, you can't go home. It will never be the same, so why not make the most of the bold move you've already made?
        Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
        Dad is great and all but he never could sing -


        • can't remember
          can't remember commented
          Editing a comment

          Lee Knight wrote:
          As they say though, you can't go home. It will never be the same, so why not make the most of the bold move you've already made?


          This is true...


          I moved back to "smallish" suburb and "got the band back together."  Found that I outgrew them musically and somewhat mentally.  I tried to make it work but we never made any progress, we played out twice but in the end the band was more of an excuse to drink beer, smoke dope, and get away from wives/girlfriends.  I ended up leaving and found myself in the best band ever...


          Also...facebook lies

      • #7
        What kind of day gig if you want to be a musician ? None. Learn to play solo. If u like rodriego learn real flamenco then you can play solo gigs , eat, and work towards other pro situations. Forget the band that's never leaving. Pro musicians have to travel to where the work is. 28 is getting late in the day.....


        • #8

          Hey man, FOA I really am sorry to hear your situation, I've been there and believe me I know how much it sucks, and TBH there really is no "right" answer to your problem, only what is best for you personally...

          At some point in pretty much every muso's life this issue comes into play in one form or another, whether it be palying with someone that you actually like and is reliable but not that great, or another muso that you don['th ave the friendship with but is a much better muso, etc. etc....

          I was once in an original band that I really enjoyed the music we were making, and I was learning a lot from the other guys as they were all much older and were much better musos than me, however, the kind of music we were doing was so out there that I knew there was really no hope of it ever going anywhere, not to mention that they wanted to play all these BS gigs for free, which I just wasn't down with.  It was great fun to play with them and hang ouyt with them, but not all the other stuff that came with it....I then got the opportunity to join a gigging cover band, and since I was going to college and living at home and working 2 jobs and really needed the money, I joined the cover band.  It really sucked not playing with that group anymore, and I really wsn't all that thrilled with being in a classic rock cover band, but I really needed the money, and like I said I just wasn't down to play all the BS free gigs they wanted to do, or spend moeny I didn't have to make a "demo", which I knew would have been completely pointless.

          From what I gleaned from your post, it kinda does seem like you really want to be in Melbourne, but want to maintain the friendships you've got in Adelaide...that seems to be the only sticking point, from what you wrote I gathered that's what it all boils down to....

          I agree with what was said about flipping a're probably subconciously leaning one way but are over thinking it, and you will proably realize that when you flip the coin, that you are hoping for it to land one way or the other....

          Also, I just watned to add that in my personal experience, musos and bands come and go, but true friends are forever, and if your friendship is as strong as it is with these guys in Adelaide, I'm sure they will be supportive of you going to Melbourne and will keep in touch and you guys will stay friends...I don't think it will be the "divorce" that you are thinking it will be, you will still be friends with them and still stay in touch and visit, you'll just be in Melbourne and doing what you really want to do, and I'm sure they will understand that....Good luck man.



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