Advice on how to handle a member leaving

[chord123]

I'm in a startup classic rock that formed in January 2016. Our bass player,2 guitarists and singer have been with us since the beginning. That's almost 11 months. Just last week the bass player announced he was leaving the band after our New Years gig . He does not want anybody to know for now. He will make the announcement at the New Years Gig. I asked why he was leaving he said "it was not fun anymore and maybe other reasons" He has no offers to be in other bands. He is currently in 3 bands including us. But they all seem to be falling apart because they have not gigged for several months. Iasked the singer what he thought he said " I am taking a break" the guitarist said " I will probably just go back to playing by myself." Oh really I said "Is that as fiullfilling as playing in a band in front of a live audience.

 

Our New Years gig coming is susppose to be our 4 hour gig. So the bass player felt we did not have 4 sets of music down. What he did was give our gig to a bunch of veteran musicians who have have never played together. The deal is now we play 2 sets and the veterans play 2 sets..We keep it a secret for now from everybody . But the bar owner will find out New Years eve I hope he does not care about the bait and switch. .

 

I think lots of our problem has been the inability to find a drummer who wants to stay.We have a drummer for 3 months who used to drive 140 miles round trip to practice in the winter but he moved to Neveda 1600 miles away from us. Oh and he is flying back again from Neveda to play New Years gig cause our drummer not available in fact he is never available. So our first drummer left then we got a second drummer for 3 months he started playing in a second band and said that band was his main focus. He got big disagreements with the others and when he wanted to drum again with us in August. They voted for a 18 year old who had no drum set and little drumming experience but a talented singer and guitar player. Fortunately we got luck the 18 tear ols relative gave him a free Gretsch drum set. So for 3 weeks we had a drummer our first paying bar gig. Everybody thought it went rough. Anyway the 18 year old kid got a job in a restraunt working 63 hours a week and hosting open mike nights. He has failed to show up for 7 straight practices and does not call us.The bass player in the band the leader in the band never comfronted the 18 year old about missing practice. I got tired of him not showing up at rehearsal and placed a add in Craigs list looking for a drummer with a link to our facebook page, Our bandleader the bass player got really upset with me and said take the ad down cause it look like we are replacing and firing a drummer. He said under no circumstances we I can't post anything with our bands name attached to it without first consulting him and the band.But just in October I have started another band with a bunch of veterans we have jammed twice sticking it together. Mentioned to the bass player and my main band that I was in a second band. Bass player was cool with it what you do with your own time is fine. He is hardly in a position to be critical he is in 3 bands. Frankly I am upset with him he is suppose to know all these great connections and get us gigs. He has not tried to get us a drummer or even tried to get us a bass player to fill his shoes. I am upset with other guitar player he never played a paying gig in his 59 years of life until Oct 2016. He works 6o hours a week frequently spends more time talking about his problems at work than on music at practice. He still does not play after 7 months the right pasts to my lead on Suzy Q. He bitched constantly he was getting to play any leads. I share the leads with him now. In every way he spells amateur. The singer just as bad people complain he is not a good singer. He takes vocal lessons every week. Yet despite this he has got us four paying gigs and non paying charity event at a Casino for two nights 8 million dollar stage. And we have the best keyboard player in the city 50 miles play on our gigs, He has a degree in piano performance. So we don't suck completely.

 

So we are going practice tomorrow Wednesday without the bass player. How do I handle the bass player leaving. Do I hold a talk session ask "How does it make you feel when George the bass player is leaving us? " How do you feel about me being in a second band? " What would have prevented the bass player leaving was it something we did? Would we miss him or is he replacable? It will be almost starting over. The bass player does not want us to look for a drummer till he announces the departure and play New Years gig. What do you think talk to the guys about the bass player leaving and the future of this band. We do lots more talking than playing music at rehearsal. I think talking is what they do best .I am looking for less talk and much more music at rehearsals

[wesg]

Pick the guys you like best and use them as a basis for a new band. This band has run its course.

 

Whether you are in 1 band or 100 bands is irrelevant. These people are your co-workers, not your wife. Provided you do your job, what you do outside of work does not matter.

 

When you placed the ad for the drummer, you started acting as a band leader. That probably pissed off the bass player. If you want to be a band leader, be the band leader from the beginning. Now is your opportunity to be one.

 

My #1 rule for replacing musicians? Trade up.

 

Incidentally, if your rehearsals are all talk and no music -- bring set lists and stick to them.

 

Also - don't ask people how they feel about the bass player leaving. You are not their therapist. Ask if they know any bass players looking for work.

 

Wes

[RobRoy]

Usually a band is like a marriage. It takes two to tango. It may have been that the bass player wanted to be in a better band. I say that based on the comment about not believing you have four sets ready.

 

And I'd not bother with a band member that lives a great distance away. It would take superhuman integrity and/or lots of money to get someone to do that for more than a few weeks.

 

You need to make sure you can actually fill every position in the band with like minded people who have a similar commitment to quality and vision. And I don't mean "high" quality. I just mean that you are all on the same page as to how much work you are willing to put into this. I've left bands because I was the only one that wanted to be REALLY good. I was also let go from a band because I didn't want to sacrifice everything and tour.

 

You just need to all agree on your quality, effort and venue choice vision up front or it is ultimately an exercise in futility.

 

People lie to others and themselves all the time. Musicians are really bad at this because we just want to PLAY! It means we both accept members that are a bad fit and we join bands that are a bad fit. It's hard to prevent that, but an effort should be made.