Members rickidoo Posted February 24, 2016 Members Share Posted February 24, 2016 Freedom Trail on Friendly Rails (The Quilting Song)© 2016 Rick Dieffenbach and JFD This is a 1+1 demo of a song my wife and I are working on - sorry about the vocal pitchiness. Intended for piano. My wife says it's much better with the piano. Any feedback, lyrical or melodic, welcome. We are thinking about my wife performing this at our church. Tumbling blocks and wagon wheelsGuide our way through every fieldFreedom trail on friendly railsFreedom trail on friendly rails Run in darkness, undercover,One more night we're undiscovered.Friendly rails on Freedom Trail <<< sung wrong, this should be the lineFreedom Trail, on friendly rails =========================BRIDGE:Bear's Paw points usTo Shoofly Cabin,We're we'll sing our praises highLifting voices, in rejoicingGod's sweet Freedom Cryon those friendly railson the Freedom Trail===================== North Star on the Crossroads waiting,God and Country have our fate in <<<< what do you think about "fate in" words?Freedom Trail, Stay on that rail!Freedom Trail, Stay on that rail! [bridge repeat] Blooming flowers in the spring timeFlying Geese with Bowties pretty,Freedom Trail, We're almost thereFreedom Trail, We're almost there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted February 24, 2016 Members Share Posted February 24, 2016 Rick!! Where have you been? Couple of possible ideas Tumbling blocks and wagon wheelsLINE OUR PATH THROUGH OPEN FIELDSFreedom trail on friendly railsFreedom trail on friendly rails Run in darkness, undercover,One more night we're undiscovered.Friendly rails on Freedom Trail <<< sung wrong, this should be the lineFreedom Trail, on friendly rails =========================BRIDGE:Bear's Paw points usTo Shoofly Cabin,We're we'll sing our praises highLifting voices, in rejoicingGod's sweet Freedom Cryon those friendly railson the Freedom Trail===================== North Star on the Crossroads waiting,God and Country SEAL our fate in <<<< what do you think about "fate in" words?Freedom Trail, Stay on that rail!Freedom Trail, Stay on that rail! [bridge repeat] Blooming flowers in the spring timeFlying Geese with Bowties pretty, (Really like this line but not sure why you chose to lose the rhyme pattern?)Freedom Trail, We're almost thereFreedom Trail, We're almost there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 24, 2016 Members Share Posted February 24, 2016 Nice tune. It sticks in the mind. Here are some ideas on how to make the lyric more visceral, less generalized... Tumbling blocks and wagon wheelsGuide us through these cotton fieldsFreedom trail on friendly railsFreedom trail on friendly rails Run in darkness, undercover,sisters, brothers, old grandmothersFriendly rails on Freedom TrailFreedom Trail, on friendly rails =========================BRIDGE:Bear's Paw points usTo Shoofly Cabin,Where we'll sing our praises highLifting voices, in rejoicingGod's sweet Freedom Cryon those friendly railson the Freedom Trail===================== North Star on the Crossroads guide usback roads by the cane breaks hide usFreedom Trail, Stay on that rail!Freedom Trail, Stay on that rail! [bridge repeat] Though the rain may flood the leveehopeful hearts ease burdens heavyCanada, We're almost thereFreedom Trail will take us there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted February 25, 2016 Members Share Posted February 25, 2016 Some good suggestions here already. Only thing I would add... and it's nit picky, but that's what I do... so... In the bridge, the singing and rejoicing sounds like a great time, but it doesn't seem like something they'd be doing just yet. Shouldn't they wait to make all that noise till they've made it where they're going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 25, 2016 Members Share Posted February 25, 2016 Some good suggestions here already. Only thing I would add... and it's nit picky, but that's what I do... so... In the bridge, the singing and rejoicing sounds like a great time, but it doesn't seem like something they'd be doing just yet. Shouldn't they wait to make all that noise till they've made it where they're going? Good point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted March 4, 2016 Author Members Share Posted March 4, 2016 Thank you all - meant to get back to you. Jeanne has all the suggestions and is contemplating her next revision. Thank you so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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