The Writing's on the Wall- Original Song

[PTCruiser1801]

Hi everyone!

 

Happy New Year to all here.

 

I would really appreciate a listen to my new song 'The Writing's on the Wall' if you have a few minutes or some feedback if you're feeling very generous with your time.

 

 

It is inspired by the increasing control of people and their actions by the 'powers that be'. For different people this may be different powers but the message is still the same: We should fight back against being entirely controlled every second of the day.

 

The chorus deals with the fact that we are taking constant updates in surveillance and observation for granted. Will it get to a stage where we don't notice when it has gone too far? Has it gone too far already?

 

I hope you enjoy it!

 

Here are the lyrics:

 

We're following their orders,

Without a second thought.

There's no guns or bombs or soldiers,

It's our freedom that's being fought.

 

We live in an illusion.

We're watched more than before.

Their bullets are confusion,

In this battle in this war.

 

 

CHORUS

But who's to say we'll notice,

When the writing's on the wall?

Who's to say,

We'll notice anything at all?

 

 

We're not marching to a drum,

It's to an orchestra instead.

You must be sure to let them hear,

The thoughts inside your head.

 

With omnipresent armies,

They're wrestling control.

Good luck hiding yourself away,

Before they take your soul.

 

 

CHORUS

But who's to say we'll notice,

When the writing's on the wall?

Who's to say,

We'll notice anything at all?

 

BRIDGE

We look towards a future,

Reminiscent of the past.

We fight to get our freedom,

Then that freedom doesn't last.

 

 

Let's set ourselves for battle,

Revolution has begun.

We should be proud to tell ourselves,

It's about time that we won.

 

 

CHORUS (x2)

They thought we'd never notice,

That the writing's on the wall.

Little did they know,

We'd see it all.

[rhino55]

This is a great start.

 

I wouldn't start it off by saying "their" orders without clearly defining who "they" are. I'd just drop that word altogether. The orders/soldiers rhyme is really nice.

 

I'm not sure if you "writing on the wall" is a reference to Facebook and how our own actions contribute to the police state, but if so, bravo. I'd like to see that angle played up a little more.

[Delmont]

This is a great start.

 

I wouldn't start it off by saying "their" orders without clearly defining who "they" are. I'd just drop that word altogether. The orders/soldiers rhyme is really nice.

 

I'm not sure if you "writing on the wall" is a reference to Facebook and how our own actions contribute to the police state, but if so, bravo. I'd like to see that angle played up a little more.

 

Yeah, in a way, although there's plenty of meaning the ubiquitous "They" - Who do They think they are, They're at it again, why do They let that happen, when will They ever learn? It's an idea we all respond to - that there is a They that doesn't need to be (or can't be) defined. And there's a corresponding We, who also appears in the song.

 

So your suggestion is worthwhile, but saying "their" is justifiable, too, depending on the writer's intent.

[mbfrancis]

Hey this is great, love the melody, sweet folk-y song. (Maybe too sweet, though - not sure the music matches the theme, feels more like a love song.) I like your voice.

 

My biggest issue is the super vagueness of the lyrics. Nothing is defined, nothing is fleshed out, "We're following their orders / Without a second thought"...we are? what orders? But then you move on to something else. "It's our freedom that's being bought"...it is, how? You never say. And like Rhino says, who is 'they'? You never say either. So cumulatively, 1) I don't really understand what or whom you're talking about, so 2) I don't really identify or get invested in the lyric, and 3) I tune out of what is a lovely song. Re: "they" specifically...if you had more specificity in the rest of the song, you wouldn't need to define "they," it would be clear...but since it's all vague, .

 

As a hook, The Writing's On The Wall is really overused/cliche as a title, consider coming up with another hook at the end of the chorus, so you can keep what you have.

 

Finally, I'd avoid say "omnipresent"...that's telling vs. showing.

 

 

Hope this helps - really lovely song.

[PTCruiser1801]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for taking the time to listen and write to me about my song.

 

I suppose it is worth saying that this song is about the increasing control 'they' the powers that be, have over us the ordinary citizen. I chose to keep it somewhat vague as I don't want to 'spoonfeed' the listeners too much and would rather they draw their own conclusions.

 

Thanks for all of the kind words though, they are much appreciated!

 

P

[rickidoo]

I think the music, and performance is lovely. Quite beautiful. Great songwriting.

 

The lyrics don't grab me, and I tend to like political songs. I'm not feeling a connection - more like I'm watching a report on TV.

 

If the lyrics could somehow be more 1st person - tell a story - I think it would connect more.

 

Although not a political song per say, I am thinking lyrically more in the style of 'America' by simon and garfunkle. It's first person, but in doing so, there is a broader message in their song. I personally think it one of the most brilliant songs written of this type.

 

 

[mbfrancis]

"America" is lovely...for this I was thinking more Masters of War or Working Class Hero might be a better model...

[Delmont]

It reminds me more of "For What It's Worth" - the way it refuses to align. It could be a Donald voter or a Bernie voter (mostly saying, of course, "Hooray for our side").