October Showcase Thread

[LCK]

We used to have a monthly thread where people could post things other than what they were working on at the time.

 

So here's one from the "vaults..."

 

 

"

Nights of Spanish Guitars"

 

 

 

1.

When we met there were stars and soft Spanish guitars.

Warm breezes blew in from the sea.

As we swayed to the rhythm so tender,

I felt you surrender all your love to me.

 

2.

Days of laughter and wine followed nights quite divine

till the rains came to darken the dawn.

Then those Spanish guitars stopped their strumming.

A cruel wind was coming — soon you were gone.

 

Bridge

Now I walk past the dock to the shoreline,

and I talk to the sea and the stars,

asking, “Where is the band that once played by the sand;

what became of the couples, kissing in cars?”

 

3.

I guess time is a thief, our bright moments too brief,

like fireflies captured in jars.

Though love’s glow is now only an ember,

I’ll always remember those nights of Spanish guitars.

 

Coda:

I hear them still.

I always will,

those Spanish guitars…

 

Music & Lyric © 2007 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street Music (ASCAP)

 

 

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

This is really nice - I don't remember it (I guess because it is pre - 2011 which is when I joined the forum).

You are good with internal rhymes so I needed to analyse them for my own education thus :

 

 

1.

When we met there were stars A

and soft Spanish guitars. A

Warm breezes blew in from the sea. B

As we swayed to the rhythm so tender, C

I felt you surrender C

all your love to me. B

 

2.

Days of laughter and wine A

followed nights quite divine A

till the rains came to darken the dawn. B

Then those Spanish guitars stopped their strumming. C

A cruel wind was coming — C

soon you were gone. B

 

Bridge

Now I walk past the dock to the shoreline,

and I talk to the sea and the stars,

asking, “Where is the band

that once played by the sand;

what became of the couples, kissing in cars?”

 

3.

I guess time is a thief, A

our bright moments too brief, A

like fireflies captured in jars. B

Though love’s glow is now only an ember, C

I’ll always remember C

those nights of Spanish guitars. B

 

I think the writing is strong and the carrying forward of metaphors from verse to verse works well.

The key thing is that I can 'feel' the situation as well as visualise it.

 

I know that you are showcasing and not workshopping the song, however …...

There is just one line that I think might be improved upon, as it feels out of place: what became of the couples, kissing in cars?

The thing is - everything else is written about you and her, and then suddenly there are other couples.

There is a poignancy about the whole song that is broken by this one line.

 

What do you think?

 

[LCK]

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

 

I understand your question, but the line you're referring to is part of the bridge, where the narrator is walking alone on the shoreline, lamenting the absence not just of his lover but of the guys in the band, the lights, the music, and ... the other couples who were part of the scene. So as part of the bridge, I think it fits.

 

You're right, in a way, though. I wasn't sure about it myself at first.

 

Oh, and I also like the alliteration: "What became of the couples kissing in cars...?"

[rickidoo]

This is a song fragment I did a self demo for a month or two ago and it has sat for various reasons, but I think I want to revisit it.

 

Enough Love for Two

© 2015 Rick Dieffenbach

 

I got enough love for two

extra love just for you

'tho we're apart, you can count on my heart

Where love is waiting for you

 

'Cause I've got enough love for two

Yea I've got enough love for two

'Tho Grandma couldn't be here

She sends her love

She's looking over you

And I've got enough love for two

 

If you want to know who she was

The kindness in her heart

No one can compare to her

 

If you want know her

I'll tell you all you need to know

Love, love her love

Love love love

 

 

 

[LCK]

Lovely, Rick!