Members tony333 Posted September 28, 2015 Members Share Posted September 28, 2015 So about a month ago now an old high school friend took his own life. I had not seen him in many many years but we were close growing up. It affected me in ways I am still not sure about. And then in 2 days I had this song penned and recorded. I know my playing lacks and the singing is worse but I really like this song. "Falling Too" We were young and we were wildBand of brothers not an only childWork all day and play all nightBreaking hearts trying to make things rightThick as thieves we made our wayTomorrow aint coming got to live for todayVandal smile and graveyard eyesMuch to early to say good bye And we we were falling just like youAnd you needed something to grab ontoAnd we could always count on youYou needed someone to hold on you Old park roads and Friday nightsLooking for love not afraid to fightIf you messed with one you got us allHeads in the clouds not afraid to fallSee this blood runs deep and this blood runs trueGrow up to fast what’s a boy to doSo we headed out going our own waysWords not spoken no need to say And we we were falling just like youAnd you needed something to grab ontoAnd we could always count on youYou needed someone to hold on you (Break) And we we were falling just like youAnd you needed something to grab ontoAnd we could always count on youYou needed someone to hold on you (slow) Now we sit around and speak your nameChoke back the tears and the grief and the painBlack coat and tie and an old church pewNow we all got a hold on you Cause we were falling just like youYes we we were falling too Tony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chordptrn Posted September 28, 2015 Members Share Posted September 28, 2015 Tough to hear the words because the mic is picking up the guitar more than the voice. That said, from what I could make out it sounded heartfelt and sincere. Reminds me of Springsteen.Love the hat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 28, 2015 Members Share Posted September 28, 2015 Sorry to hear about your friend. The song is a really good one. Are you looking for constructive criticism? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted September 29, 2015 Sorry to hear about your friend. The song is a really good one. Are you looking for constructive criticism? Yes sir. Absolutely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 29, 2015 Members Share Posted September 29, 2015 Lyrically, I think the choruses are spot on. There are a some phrases in the verses that are getting into cliche territory, "band of brothers," "thick as thieves," and "heads in the clouds." If you decide to rewrite any of them, I'd try to go more in a "vandal smile and graveyard eyes" direction. That's a killer line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted September 29, 2015 Members Share Posted September 29, 2015 I think the lyrics are fine...heart felt. Very good communication....as for the sound, try and find a chord change at the 5th line in the verse to take us somewhere with a sonic change for a different feel....then come back to your tonic chord on the last line...same for the chorus on the 3rd line use a different chord...hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 30, 2015 Members Share Posted September 30, 2015 Very heart felt lyric. I agree with Ryan that some of the lines are a bit cliched. You may want to keep the lyric as is, because it comes from a rush of personal emotion. But the problem with cliches is that they're not personal. Oddly enough, the more generalized you make something, the less it hits home while the more specific you get -- specific to your own personal story and feelings -- the more the listener feels it as if it's happening to them. Just my two cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chordptrn Posted September 30, 2015 Members Share Posted September 30, 2015 Way too much emphasis by reviewers on the non-use of cliches. It's better than people forcing 10 dollar words to make them sound uber-intelligent and sophisticated. YMMV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 30, 2015 Members Share Posted September 30, 2015 Way too much emphasis by reviewers on the non-use of cliches. It's better than people forcing 10 dollar words to make them sound uber-intelligent and sophisticated. YMMV. That's not what was being suggested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 30, 2015 Members Share Posted September 30, 2015 Just looking for freshness, not erudition. Simpler is better, as long as it's fresh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chordptrn Posted September 30, 2015 Members Share Posted September 30, 2015 Well I'm sure you're anxious to admonish anyone with that facetious freshness even if it is incongruous and reveals a tendency towards predilection of erudition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 1, 2015 Members Share Posted October 1, 2015 This is a workshop. The idea is to get feedback from other writers about your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Members Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thank you all for the feed back. I get the cliche stuff a little. The "thick as thieves" line is the one that sticks out to me and i actually had something else written but can t find that scrap of paper. The chord change makes more since to me. i will have to mess around with that. I know its hard to imagine because of how it was recorded but in my head the first parts are electric guitar with a band (i dont have one) and when it gets to the slow down it goes to acoustic only and the single voice. i tried to rerecord it like that and the speaker on my amp blew. Again thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted October 12, 2015 Members Share Posted October 12, 2015 This is a very personal song. I think the best songs are often personal songs because they reach into the songwriter's soul. By definition the song is everything it should be out of the gate. I want to comment musically. And I am commenting as someone say who hears it on the radio and therefore unaware of the personal nature of the song. I think the song could benefit from change up - exactly where is up to you - but it (musically) became repetative. Maybe try a contrasting (and rising) bridge, or some change in tempo - something to switch emotional gears and break up the repetativeness of the chord sequence used throughout the song. Again, as a personal song, its 100% done as is. Just my thoughts. My condolences for your loss. Best, Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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