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Caroline - update lyrically, arrangement?


mbfrancis

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Hey all...I have been busy in mix and EP-finish land so haven't been writing really, but this is an earlier track (like 1995) that everyone always liked. It sounds very dated to me now, although that is mostly the super 90s arrangement. I always wanted to re-record it, but how to do it? Also, does anything in the lyric need tightening up? Let me know!

 

Hope all are well.

 

 

"Caroline"

 

Every waking second that I walk under the skies with you

I don't want to be the one who always has to tell you what to do, to do What you should or shouldn't to do

Laughing after every single word I'm trying to say to you

Funny how it seems I'm always wishing I could tell you that were through, we're through

I really think we're through

We're through, we're through

I really think we're through

 

CHORUS

Oh Caroline, the stars that shine

won't make or break his heart of mine

Supine, sublime - Caroline

But it all seems like a waste of time

 

You're sucking up to everyone when everyone's in love with you

Nothing left for me I'd say you give yourself away I'd say you do, you do

I really think you do

But if you underestimate the high feel when I'm with you

I won't make a scene nor make-believe nor wonder why I'd say, 'et tu, et tu

I can't believe you too

Et tu, et tu,

I can't believe you too'

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

You said you'd walk a million miles

I say you're just spoiled child

You said you'd walk a million miles

All I ever wanted was to make you smile

 

Carrie I'm so tired I give up you know I tried

I clung to every word you said, they all went to my head

although you lied, you lied, you lied, you lied,

you know, I really think you lied

Every waking second that I wait and wish I'd say good-bye

I could laugh it off but still it won't be quite the same I swear I tried I tried,

I really really tried

I tried I tried,

oh I swear to God I tried

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

 

Oh Caroline, the stars that shine

won't make or break his heart of mine

Supine, sublime - Caroline

But it all feels like a waste of Caroline

 

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I like the vibe and the rhythm and the feel of the song. But I have no idea what's going on between these two. It's very jumbled. Some of it hits the right tone but it starts to feel like word soup after a while.

 

For instance, this:

 

although you lied, you lied, you lied, you lied,

you know, I really think you lied

 

Is just repetitive (not that there's anything wrong with that).

 

Off the top of my head this might not be any better, but it's got a bit more juice.

 

although you lied and cried, walking by my side

you didn't love me, tho' that's what you implied

 

I don't know if that helps...

 

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I can see why you say everyone likes this one -

 

The aspects that strike me right off as the most dated are:

 

> the bass, both the tone and the riff

> the little double-time section

> the softLOUDsoftLOUD thing

 

For a clean slate for the backing track, I'd fool around with a simple piano-only part starting out. I think you might have to slow the thing down a bit - although it's a long song, so just slower enough to do it.

 

The piano doing eighth notes in a little pattern that's similar to stock acoustic guitar finger picking (low notes keeping a rhythm on 1 and 3 sort of thing) - blend in a banjo and a strumming acoustic to taste.

 

For the shifts between sections, that gets harder. I can hear maybe a little string quartet taking over now and then - a faux-baroque thing. This song could be remade into baroque poprock pretty easily, but you may not want something so twee. But a little bit of that might work.

 

Instead of the big distorted guitars, maybe a twangy-jangly electric strum and/or pick - layer a bunch to get a big sound for contrast, but not as much volume contrast as you've got now.

 

The end result would be a sadder song I think - going a lot more acoustic often brings a more poignant, lonely feel to material. I don't think that would hurt.

 

Just some first impression jots - maybe I can think of more if any of this seems to make sense to you...

 

nat whilk ii

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It's a pretty catchy song.

I'm not familiar with the 80's & 90's songs, but it it has a flavour of the era.

Also the wordiness was a style that quite a few utilised at the time.

 

There were just 2 things I didn't like in the arrangement:

1. The chorus jumped to noise and distortion in a way that didn't appeal. Loudness was OK.

2. The ending with a strummed electric guitar under the vocal sounded 'wrong' somehow. Maybe it could be picked or arpeggiated or something.

 

But otherwise, it's a good song of its time. I don't know how easy it would be to convert as Nat suggests. He makes it sound easy..very-happy.png.197c47f720636f02390cc2b0a33804da.png' alt='smiley-veryhappy'>

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Wow, thanks so much, this is all fantastic feedback. This was written basically immersed in the first Weezer record. Feedback, big distorted choruses with inverted major chords..

 

@LCK, I think I just need a scrub for coherence, I've done this on older songs to great effect. Agree that it gets showy for the sake of it. Just trying to figure out where everyone's standing.

 

@Nat - actually I follow your arrangement 100%, and actually one option for a new arrangement was doing the opening guitar figure on piano. Originally it was slower and sounded like New Order. Only when we added the bass did it get boppy, which sparked the melody. I think a sadder song is a great idea, and I hear the strings, too. Nice. Any other ideas welcome.

 

@OGP - let's see where it ends up, agree I'll probably lose the Nirvana/Weezer explosion.

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Hi MB,

 

First - is that a young MB in the SoundCloud photo?

 

As for the song - I encourage you to update and rerecord it - it does have good potential. I think one improvement to consider - besides the other stuff previously mentioned - is to use a paring knife and reduce the verse content or, alternately, do a little more repeating of the main verse content. The reason is this: although the melody is catchy, the words are shooting by so quick, all the little word twists add up to brain overload for me.

 

One approach might be to choose some consistent words for a prechorus (keeping the same melody). For *example*:

 

I really think we're through

We're through, we're through

I really think we're through

 

and not use the alternate :

I can't believe you too

Et tu, et tu,

I can't believe you too'

 

(just using this as an example - if you can reduce the "thinking" load a little, it will make following the more detailed verse lines easier for the user - more memorable).

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Hi MB,

 

First - is that a young MB in the SoundCloud photo?

 

As for the song - I encourage you to update and rerecord it - it does have good potential. I think one improvement to consider - besides the other stuff previously mentioned - is to use a paring knife and reduce the verse content or, alternately, do a little more repeating of the main verse content. The reason is this: although the melody is catchy, the words are shooting by so quick, all the little word twists add up to brain overload for me.

 

One approach might be to choose some consistent words for a prechorus (keeping the same melody). For *example*:

 

I really think we're through

We're through, we're through

I really think we're through

 

and not use the alternate :

I can't believe you too

Et tu, et tu,

I can't believe you too'

 

(just using this as an example - if you can reduce the "thinking" load a little, it will make following the more detailed verse lines easier for the user).

 

Haha, OK, Emperor. (Looove that scene). Actually that's great feedback, Rick. Not sure I agree, but it's definitely an option to simplify the whole thing while cutting back the pretension. It does fix what ails it, the question is do you lose too much?

 

That *is* a young MB. Still have that Jazzmaster. We broke up just as the Internet was taking off (only 3/4 of our mailing list had email addresses). The guys at the LA Times loved us. Ah, glory days. Shortly after I basically took 15 years off. Now I'm working on stuff again but can't actually *finish* it...which is worse?

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