Members rhino55 Posted July 29, 2015 Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 EDIT: Here's where it stands now with demo. Performance aside, is the bridge working? http://www.soundclick.com/player/sin...=13178009&q=hi V1:I got this buzzing in my earWon't leave me aloneSlap the side of my headWon't leave me aloneI spend all day longDown on a mosquito farm V2:Wrists and ankles on fireWon't leave me aloneFed by tall tall grassWon't leave me aloneI spend all day longDown on a mosquito farm Bridge:Rained so much it gave me fitsI thought that was as bad as it getsSoil washed away, the rain finally quitI got no plants and a powerful itch V3:I sprayed my arms, sprayed my neckWon't leave me aloneLord knows I'm such a wreckWon't leave me aloneI spend all my timeDown on a mosquito farm OP: This is what I got for the challenge so far. How's it working? Any ideas for another verse? V1:I got this buzzing in my earIt won't leave me aloneSlap the side of my headIt won't leave me aloneI spend all day longDown on a mosquito farm V2:Wrists and ankles on fireThey won't leave me aloneFed by tall tall grassThey won't leave me aloneI spend all day longDown on a mosquito farm Bridge:It's getting so bad it's giving me fitsI wish I knew this was as bad as it getsSoil's too soggy and the rain won't quitI got no plants and a powerful itch I spend all day longDown on a mosquito farm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 29, 2015 Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 I love the title. And, yeah, I think it could use one more verse. Maybe something about failed techniques to keep the critters at bay? I sprayed my arms, I sprayed my neck.They won't leave me alone.I'm a [something] total wreckThey won't leave me alone. I don't understand "I got no plants..." though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 That's the ticket. Plants was supposed to be a reference to a farm. As in 'this farm sucks because the only thing growing is mosquitoes' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted July 29, 2015 Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 Like it I'd rethink the bridge. To mosquitos even hang around when it's raining? I'd some how make out that the weather is perfect BUT you got no plants just the itch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 How bout Rained so much it gave me fits i thought that was as bad as it gets soil washed away, the rain finally quit i got no plants and a powerful itch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 29, 2015 Members Share Posted July 29, 2015 ………and they're not all that suck (drink) my blood………just a throwaway talking line maybe in the outro - it's the blues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2015 Demo http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=13178009&q=hi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 30, 2015 Members Share Posted July 30, 2015 Catchy tune! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted July 31, 2015 Members Share Posted July 31, 2015 Cool - i think it needs some rhymes I got this buzzing in my earI'VE GOTTA RAISE THE ALARMSlap the side of my head ....OH MANI'VE GOTTA RAISE THE ALARMSTILL I spend all day Down on a mosquito farm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted July 31, 2015 Members Share Posted July 31, 2015 bridge works for me, personally I`m a fan of that music, Lane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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