Members Eanwen Posted June 12, 2015 Members Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hello! I just saw this songwritting section, so I decided to post here: I would like to share this song with you- Could it be possible to have some feedback and advice? It's my first composition, I never did one before, it's really new. I am french, and I am fond of the english language Though I am conscious of my weaknesses.. I'm not sure the text of this song is written in a absolute correct english, it's very short: here it is: "We'll fight back 'till we die To bring you back to life Oli can you hear ? Oli Still you're Here To fulfill a prophecy, will you kill your own family ? No! oli Be A Queen, Cheer to your memory. Gone but not forgotten, "we say gone, but you're not forgotten" Clean yourself from Al Sahim, Free your men from Raz-al-ghur They can break your bones, they can't take your soul Oli surely is, really a True Queen." and here is the song: https://soundcloud.com/eanwen/arrow-oli-queen Thanks for your help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted June 12, 2015 Members Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hi Eanwen, Welcome to the Harmony Central Songwriting Forum and thanks for posting. La chanson est jolie. Tu chantes tres bien. La poeme n'a pas les problems en Anglais - j'ai lu sans difficulte, et quand tu chantes les mots la sense est clair. Formidable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted June 12, 2015 Members Share Posted June 12, 2015 Is this song about The Green Arrow?? (Oliver Queen) etc nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 13, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 13, 2015 Hello! Thank you a lot! Et merci de ta réponse en francais, bien agréable à lire je dois dire (y) Thank you for your feedback! It's very encouraging Do you think there is something missing it in? Like hm.. more instruments ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 13, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 13, 2015 Yes, absolutely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted June 14, 2015 Members Share Posted June 14, 2015 I liked it, good singing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 15, 2015 Members Share Posted June 15, 2015 Welcome to the board. Your singing is really lovely, and I really liked the arrangement and vocal harmonies. (You were pitchy in a few spots, esp the 5ths harmonies, 4ths?...easy to fix.). As a song, I'm not sure how to respond to it. For a fan of comics it might have great resonance, but for me the subject matter just kind of floated by, I never got into it - for a casual listener it's not clear what's going on. Maybe if you had one strong hook that you came back to, it would matter less. Hope this helps. Lovely stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 1001gear Posted June 15, 2015 Members Share Posted June 15, 2015 Actually I liked the microtonal effect. Very dry and dark I'd add a few taps of a hand drum and/or tambourine but I'm a drummer . ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 17, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thank you ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 17, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hello mbfrancis, thank you! For your time and interest. It's a very good and enriching message. I understand that the subject (and the song) did not really catch you. I think you right that probably it's more clear for somebody who understand the subject, but nor for somebody who don't know the character. Your advice will help me, I will remember it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 17, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hello again 1001gear ha, yes , it would be good what does mean "microtonal" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 17, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 17, 2015 I find some explanation on internet! it's ok (y) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 17, 2015 Members Share Posted June 17, 2015 I understand that it's a niche topic - my point is that you should be able to write the song in a way that also grabs the casual listener...give it a stronger hook, for example. Otherwise you are severely limiting the song's reach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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