Members Blakemore Posted June 3, 2015 Members Share Posted June 3, 2015 It's been awhile since I've been on Harmony Central, but it feels good to be back! I've been writing a lot of songs lately, and decided I should start frequenting the songwriting section again. Glad to see some familiar faces on here still! Here is a new song I've been working on though. Any feedback you have would be appreciated! That said, I see myself as much more of a musician than a lyricist, so I know the lyrics are definitely my weakest link. Thanks in advance! https://soundcloud.com/blake-104/space-song Lyrics: Space SongI feel small, and stand in aweOf all I’ll never knowIt’s so dark and feels so farFrom out here on my own I can’t stand to see the horizonIt’s rising and falling like the starsDon’t know what’s out here waitingBut I wanted to go And I want you to know… You don’t notice just how far‘til you’re looking back on the worldI don’t care to see what’s become,What is happening and what is done I can’t stand to see the horizonIt’s rising and falling like the starsDon’t know what’s out here waitingBut I wanted to go And when the dawn arisesBaby don’t be longYou’re gonna miss me darlingAnd when the day is breakingI’ve already goneBut I’m wishing and wishing I’d stayed hereI want you to know I don’t know just where I went wrongAnd why I’m on my ownNothing to feel just embracedBy the sun, and the sea, and the stars And when the dawn arisesBaby don’t be longYou’re gonna miss me darlingBut while I’m out here waitingI know you’ve moved onBut I’m wishing and wishing I’d stayed hereI want you to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 3, 2015 Members Share Posted June 3, 2015 This is very nice, great flowing vibe to the music and the melody - cool restrained performance, nice spacey vibe. Some great lines "horizon / it's risin'". The words in the first verse are off I think, should we go off the recording or the lyric above? Big thing for me it the chorus lets it down a bit - it doesn't stick at all, and part of that is the melody, but also the lyrics seem sall over the place - what are you actually saying? You're saying "don't be long" and then you've moved on while waiting, but you wish you'd stayed? It's confusing, and the chorus would benefit from a clear thought that summed it up, ideally in a unique phrase that could be the hook/title. Maybe start the chorus with "hey I want you to know..." and then say it straight up. Good stuff - hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 4, 2015 Members Share Posted June 4, 2015 This is very nice, great flowing vibe to the music and the melody - cool restrained performance, nice spacey vibe. Some great lines "horizon / it's risin'". The words in the first verse are off I think, should we go off the recording or the lyric above? Big thing for me it the chorus lets it down a bit - it doesn't stick at all, and part of that is the melody, but also the lyrics seem all over the place - what are you actually saying? You're saying "don't be long" and then you've moved on while waiting, but you wish you'd stayed? It's confusing, and the chorus would benefit from a clear thought that summed it up, ideally in a unique phrase that could be the hook/title. Maybe start the chorus with "hey I want you to know..." and then say it straight up. Good stuff - hope this helps. I agree. Very nice track and vocal. Very listenable. I also agree that the lyric isn't totally coherent. There are also a few spots where you're rushing the tune to fit in more syllables to one or two of the words and phrases you've got. But other than it was very enjoyable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blakemore Posted June 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks a lot, guys! Some great points made. I'm going to take awhile to try and work on some corrections, but I definitely appreciate the feedback, and just wanted to say thank you! I'll see what I can do about incorporating your suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eanwen Posted June 12, 2015 Members Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hello BlakeMore, It sound very ggod, I like it a lot ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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