Members mcflytrap Posted June 8, 2002 Members Share Posted June 8, 2002 Yeah, my apologies for the awfulness of the song, but I know a couple people wanted me to post the lyrics. So here goes. -------------------------------- -Seeing Through Walls- Why can't I breathe in this tiny room here? Why can't I run through these lies? Why can't I see through these walls here? So I can gaze into your eyes What you see here is my heart bleeding For your smile, for your smile What is told here is a tale of needing To be in your arms, it's been a while And I can't recall And I can't recall -------------------------------- So critique away. It's short, it's sweet. It was thrown together in 5 minutes. -mcfly- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mcflytrap Posted June 9, 2002 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2002 So I take from the lack of responses that there is nothing wrong with my lyrics?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bigMIke Posted June 9, 2002 Members Share Posted June 9, 2002 Hello mcflytrap! I will have a go, since no one else is bothering! As you point out, it is short. I find it curious that you use the word 'here' so often. Still, to be honest there is not too much to say. It creates an image in the mind, which is good. But some minor points. How do you 'Run through lies?' Also, I feel that rhyming 'while' with 'smile' is a little forced. Still, it has some nice points too. I really liked the rhyme of 'bleeding' and 'needing'. Where is the MP3? It is so important to hear the lyrics in their natural environment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mcflytrap Posted June 9, 2002 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2002 Hey BigMike, thanks for takin the time. To be truthful, I threw it together in 5-10 minutes with the intent of going back and revising what I didn't like. But I put it off for so long that I sorta got out of the feel of it...and that's why I was asking other people. I'd love to take out all the "here"s....they were originally intended to do something but I lost my point somewhere in there. I never really thought of "while" and "smile" being forced, however I will probably give it a few more listens and looks over to see where you are coming from. About the mp3, it sucks. Bad. I'm planning on redoing it with new music and revised lyrics soon.... Until then, thanks a lot! Tyler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD92 Posted June 9, 2002 Members Share Posted June 9, 2002 When "awhile" is spelled as a single word, it is an adverb meaning "for a time" ("stay awhile"); but when "while" is the object of a prepositional phrase, like "Lend me your monkey wrench for a while" the "while" must be separated from the "a." (But if the preposition "for" were lacking in this sentence, "awhile" could be used in this way: "Lend me your monkey wrench awhile.") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lord Lucifer Posted June 9, 2002 Members Share Posted June 9, 2002 i dont think they are bad lyrics, my main complaint would be that it is short. but there is nothing wrong with that. i like the lyrics. how are they sung, what kind of music is it to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mcflytrap Posted June 10, 2002 Author Members Share Posted June 10, 2002 Thanks JD92...the correct usage baffles me at this point. Lucifer, the song that these lyrics were sung to was a slow song....mostly acoustic guitar with a bit of electric near the end. I'm planning on re-recording it someday (with some lyrical changes)...but for now, the song is best left unlinked. Thanks for readin- -mcfly- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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