Members mbfrancis Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 [Edit: New recording w/ female singer...see post for info.] (Sorry for sucking up all the oxygen on the board lately, but I am finishing songs. Hallelujah.) This started as kind of a Killers thing, and that version is 95% done, but when I started working with a female singer recently I totally re-wrote it as a mainstream-y piano ballad and finished that first. I'm kind of swinging for the fences on this, so be brutal - do the verse lyrics work transplanted? Is the music too simple. Is the super emotional bridge too basic? Should I ditch this and go back to the original rockin' version? The arrangement is all placeholder (esp. the synth), but I definitely see it piano-based. Vocal is obviously demo (awful). Hoping to record this vocal next so any input is super welcome. Thanks, guys! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12751775 "Something Must Be Killing You" When I met you it was like you shined way too bright, but you seemed so alive but now I have to squint to see the frown where your smile used to be and I know … something must be killing you and I know that someone must be filling you With all the things I won’t provide Your face looks brave but I know Something must be killing you inside I can’t stop you when you chase around Your connects who’ve gone and let you down You say the world’s effed up and full of fakes And could I please clean up all your mistakes and I know … something must be killing you and I know somehow you must be willing to be pushed on stage and passed around you say go ‘way but I know Something must be killing you right now But you said Don’t make a scene That people change And you’d get clean And you said You could explain And that our love was worth the pain And you said Just wait and see You’d change for me But does anybody ever change? When I met you it was like you shined way too bright… and I know … something must be killing you etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 I haven't listened yet, but the 1st alternative that came to me instantly when reading the lyric was........Instead of asserting the 'must' word, how about the song having a slightly different tone by asking a question, "Is there something killing you?" "Is there something killing you inside?" Just a first impression...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Hey man - you keep hinting that you are too old to do this alone. How old is too old exactly? Your arrangements/lyrics and especially your voice is young , cool and totally in right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 I was totally with you until the synth came in on the interlude. It might just be my taste, but that felt like the wrong sound there. I like the idea of going with something clearly "fake", but that sound is just very abrasive to my ears. Other than that I have nothing but envy to offer. I agree with Stick, if this came on the radio that last thing I'd think is "this guy is old" or "this sound is dated." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Hey man - you keep hinting that you are too old to do this alone. How old is too old exactly? Your arrangements/lyrics and especially your voice is young , cool and totally in right now. This. Personally I like the Killers version better than the Adele version (but then again I like the Killers better than Adele ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 11, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 11, 2014 This is really cool. Really cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 11, 2014 Author Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Guys, you misunderstand - I am *totally* going for Massive Pop Smash, this was precision-engineered for radio (as best as I could), I just don't want to be the artist. I'm too old (40s), can't sing reliably (lots of auto-tune here), family, mortgage, etc. I want to get people who sing *better* than I to sing my songs and help get them out there. Plus I want to work with other people - have been in alone my den for >10 years, starting dozens of songs and not finishing them. Here's a version without the synth, which I added in the last minute. Those will probably be strings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Songwise, it's perfect. The vocal is great too. Really, really good song. Nice work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 11, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 11, 2014 I get that ^^^. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 11, 2014 Author Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Well, there's no way this song is "perfect" (wow, thanks LCK), but it's good to know there's nothing glaringly wrong with it! I wrote it for that same female singer, so we'll see how it goes. One concern I had is if the drug references were too explicit – connects, getting clean - or do they give it to teeth? (Hey Lee, I'm literally driving through Encinitas right now as I speak into Siri, on my way to SD. Yelling hello from the 5!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 11, 2014 Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 One concern I had is if the drug references were too explicit – connects' date=' getting clean - or do they give it to teeth?[/quote'] Pure honesty is not necessarily a bad thing. "Does anybody ever change...?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 11, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 11, 2014 Well' date=' there's no way this song is "perfect" (wow, thanks LCK), but it's good to know there's nothing glaringly wrong with it! I wrote it for that same female singer, so we'll see how it goes. One concern I had is if the drug references were too explicit – connects, getting clean - or do they give it to teeth? (Hey Lee, I'm literally driving through Encinitas right now as I speak into Siri, on my way to SD. Yelling hello from the 5!)[/quote'] Ha! Go to Bull Taco on your way back. Encintias Blvd, west to Hwy 101. Make a right on 101 and... EAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 11, 2014 Author Members Share Posted April 11, 2014 Ha! Go to Bull Taco on your way back. Encintias Blvd, west to Hwy 101. Make a right on 101 and... EAT Next time - they brought in lunch from Rubicon Deli (I'm in Hillcrest). Heading back to OC in 45 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 18, 2014 Well, you guys said this was good to go, so I scheduled time with my singer friend, rented some nice gear (mic, preamp), and went for it. Rough mix attached, sounds like Barbra Streisand practically, ha - makes it a different song. Bridge music break needs some more parts, but otherwise pretty close. Let me know what you think. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12827805 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 18, 2014 Members Share Posted June 18, 2014 It's good, but I like your vocal better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 18, 2014 Members Share Posted June 18, 2014 It's good' date=' but I like your vocal better.[/quote'] Ha! I didn't want to be the first to say that, Martin's going to think I'm stalking him or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 18, 2014 Not stalking, I just think you guys are on crack. I pretty much wrote this as an experiment for a woman voice to keep the chorus from the original but be super pretty and flowing in the verse. Not sure which is better now. I could see this more of a Pink thing, with an edgier, angrier singer. But still female. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 24, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 24, 2014 Martin and I have done little offline PM exchange, but he said I could post my response here in the thread too, to a question he had about coaching the 2nd vocal pass on the new recording. Here's my reply for anyone who might be interested... I think you did great! She's a very good singer. she has a very modern Disney movie quality about her voice. For better or worse, mostly better I think. I can hear her being slightly uncomfortable with your direction at times. At the outro where she sings an alt up, then another down. She's not the most natural at blasting out an emotive performance. But... she does have some very interesting qualities in her voice. An innocence, (that Disney animated babe thing), a quirky diction (killin') that's quite appealing. The mechanics of her lips and tongue working the consonants is engaging (but might be attenuated some through compression?). So here's what I'd do... I'd mix her UP! She's a little buried. I'd make sure any dynamics processing is not biting into that engaging diction of hers. I'd eq some more breath in. It sounds like it's there but not highlighted. Get what you got out of her to really shine by presenting her up front and gussied up. You got plenty of great stuff out of her. Now present it! Nice song. It's really starting to shine. (this would be a blast to remix into a House track) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 24, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 24, 2014 4th listen. OK... it's not eq. As a matter of fact she's pretty bright. It's a very subtle compression that is mildly eating into her consonants. Are you compressing? If so, the settings are great because it's very transparent. But I'd raise the threshold to let out a bit more dynamics. So, I'm listening to this a few times. I have no idea how to make this kind of music. It's kind of this cool show music. Like a production number. The drumming is like what one of the Vegas or Broadway pit guys might play. It incorporates orchestral elements. Alluding to timpani rolls and symphonic cymbal swells. It's a style I admire but know nothing about. Well done. I'm so impressed with this style of arrangement. Way beyond me. I do think the pool of drum sounds and midi key sounds need to be upgraded. The kick and toms have a very synthetic quality (not synthy). Like sounds from the old Proteus? You need to be triggering some top notch samples here. They're so affordable now. And the organ. With all the great Hammond emulations today... there's no need to not be presenting a more top notch organ and Leslie sound. Playing is good and well executed. I'd dive in and enjoy a whole new batch of sounds. And one small thing. The abrupt organ pull off at 2:35. I know what you're going for, that sort of, shwoopp into a vacuum of silence, but I think it might be more effective if you either added a little release to the it, just a little, or you orchestrate something along with to highlight the effect. Like a soft cymbal swell into a choke, along with that stark pull off. Anyway... who am I to say. I'm lost in this style. No clue. Just a couple of honest reactions to what I'm hearing... Great work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 24, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 24, 2014 Wow, thanks, Lee - I actually had a typed response this morning but my PC froze, only now coming up for air. I kind of built this song and arrangement ("cool show music"...nice!) with the voice in mind, so now I'm questioning the whole construction (and my taste) a bit. Told the singer to just go for it, so we deliberately weren't going for icy cool or quirky indie. The arrangement is moving in a more M83 direction - less organ, bigger blow up at the end - so we'll see if those elements work. (Yes, working on a sped up electro remix as well, stay tuned!) Based on final arrangement vocal will be re-mixed...right now it's compressed and de-essed, with one reverb throughout. I might add some lower man harmonies to beef up parts. So glad you dig it, though - thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 25, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 25, 2014 I DO dig it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted June 25, 2014 Members Share Posted June 25, 2014 This is very good. You are quite diverse in your songwriting, and this shows your ability to extend yourself through different genres. Ok - I'll have a light opera on my desk by close of business today. Thank you….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 25, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 25, 2014 This is very good. You are quite diverse in your songwriting, and this shows your ability to extend yourself through different genres. Ok - I'll have a light opera on my desk by close of business today. Thank you….. Actually that might be the style that suits the voice best...never tried it, though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.