My Own Set of Standards -- worth reviving?

[LCK]

I wrote this a couple of years ago, then tossed it. I'm thinking of reviving it, but I'm not sure it's really worth it. I really like some aspects of it, others I'm not so sure.

 

The recording isn't very loud. For some reason I can't get the volume up on the original recording.

 

 

 

"

My Own Set of Standards"

 

Spoken over guitar vamp: I live in New York City but I grew up in the land of the Beach Boys, you know, Southern California, 1960s. But we always spent our summer vacations at my grandma's farm in Idaho. The old rusty tractor in the potato fields, the soda fountain at the Rexall Drugstore, or just that feeling of watching the freeways disappear behind the family station wagon as my dad took the wheel and took us traveling back in time...

 

Down by the Snake River

at daybreak, I'd shiver,

watchin' the trout rise

from dark waters below.

As my dad taught me to cast

his dad talked of the past.

Those men taught me all I know.

 

Not just baseball and swimmin'

but how men should treat women,

tyin' a necktie, half-windsor or bow,

making work feel like play

while workin' hard every day,

those men taught me all I know.

 

Bridge

And after supper they'd sit

at my grandma's piano,

ad libbing a bit

from "Stardust" to "Moonglow."

 

Boys are listenin', oh we're watchin',

stuff comes through osmosis,

like how to have feelings

without lettin' them show.

There's no fakebook or plan

to teach bein' a man,

we just play it by ear as we go.

 

(a little "Stardust," some "Swanee River," & "Moonglow")

 

Bridge

Sometimes they'd let me sit in

and give the ivories a whirl.

And I'd put my own spin

on "Surfer Girl."

 

And since then I've been writin'

my own set of standards;

the things we admire

plant seeds we must sow.

Yeah, I'm a third generation

Kelley-Family musician,

mostly for kicks, not for show.

But if I've made Dad and Grandpappy

proud then I'm happy.

That's all I need to know.

 

 

Words & Music

[oldgitplayer]

I like it a lot to read. There are a few clunkers, but it's 90% there.

The title is clever in its ambiguity, but it could require something simpler.

 

And now to the music - I thought that you may do a subtle shift from the dimmed lights and smoky room of jazz chords - but you didn't.

Is there any possibility of nudging it a little into a soft country ballad, but without the rhinestones?

In its present form, I'm finding a little disconnect between the content and the music.

Or is that an intentional juxtaposition to support the song title?

 

Whatever your intention, these are my responses for what they're worth. Any advance on 2c?

[Tat2bluez]

What a great journey you take us on here. Not only do I get a wonderful sense of your past, it brings back mine, too (my dad played moonglow endlessly on his guitar...). I love the play on words with "my own set of standards". The bridge goes somewhere unexpected which is interesting. The only line I get stuck on, that interrupts the flow for me, is "stuff comes through osmosis" - it takes me out of the dreamy/ reminiscing state and makes me think too much.

[LCK]

What clunkers? And what does "any advance on 2c" mean?

 

The tune is supposed to be a folksy blues, but does get a little jazzy when I change keys in the bridge.

 

It is NOT meant to be a Sinatra song (i.e., my usual fare), but is meant to give a nod in that direction.

 

LCK

[LCK]

 

What a great journey you take us on here. Not only do I get a wonderful sense of your past, it brings back mine, too (my dad played moonglow endlessly on his guitar...). I love the play on words with "my own set of standards". The bridge goes somewhere unexpected which is interesting. The only line I get stuck on, that interrupts the flow for me, is "stuff comes through osmosis" - it takes me out of the dreamy/ reminiscing state and makes me think too much.

 

 

My dad used to play "Moonglow" -- endlessly -- on the piano.

 

It's funny, the osmosis thing is probably my favorite line. It bugged someone else once too, I think.

 

LCK

[oldgitplayer]

 

It's funny, the osmosis thing is probably my favorite line. It bugged someone else once too, I think. LCK

 

 

I should have been more accurate and said, 'a couple of clunkers'. Osmosis was the big clunker that hit me (I'll need to re-listen for the other lesser one).

Osmosis is too 'clever' a word for the nature of the remaining content.

 

It was just my 2c worth. 'Any advance on 2c?' was my way of saying I'll accept 3c if it's going.

 

If it's a folksy, blues tune, could it not be a folksy, bluesy, country tune?

[LCK]

 

If it's a folksy, blues tune, could it not be a folksy, bluesy, country tune?

 

 

I think you're right. It could easily start to wander down a country road.

 

LCK

[oldgitplayer]

Country road feels good - reach in to your inner James Taylor. (or to your inner Idaho Potato).

[LCK]

How's this?

 

Boys are listenin', oh we're watchin',

we're lookin' for answers,

like how to have feelings

without lettin' them show.

 

LCK

[Tat2bluez]

Yes!

[oldgitplayer]

^^^

Like the lady said.

[stickboymusic]

I'm hoping the lyrics posted are the ones you're going to use

 

i.e you HAVE to say "Yeah, I'm a third generation Kelley-Family musician" I'm a sucker for personal songs becoming REALLY personal.

 

One of my fave artists, Ed Harcourt, has a song with the lyric "I was a red faced child, my parents named me Ed" Love that line.

 

Great lyrics again Lee.... have to agree on the "Osmosis" ....its clever but it does stick out a little too much...but you already seem to be on with that

[Barry_Blink_a_lot]

+1 on the osmosis line. You don't expect it after the narrator's waxing nostalgic about learning to tie a necktie, chase women and appreciate hard day's work. Maybe if you had a line about your dad encouraging you to do your best in high school, and you could throw it in as a sort of deliberate (and wry) attempt to show us you learned a thing or two in science class.

 

I enjoyed the song.

[Lee Knight]

I love this. Really great lyric. The music is cool as well.

 

I think the music of the bridges isn't up to par with the rest though. The melodic rhythm feels less certain and little too samey to the verses. The rest of the tune is really good so I think the bridges deserve your attention. I'm not sure of how I could even begin to make suggestions for melody on the bridge. It's such a tough thing to communicate. But I will say, it needs contrast in every musical category. Harmonic, melodic, melodic rhythm. A small but potent change is needed, I think. Not a deal breaker, but that's my initial reaction to it. Great lyric in the bridge, but lets me down a little musically.

 

The overall lyric concept reminds me a little of The Judds 80's country hit, Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout the Good Old Days). But yours is a wonderful, and very original variant on that theme. More personal and masculine. Really nice.

 

I really love it.

[LCK]

 

I love this. Really great lyric. The music is cool as well. I think the music of the bridges isn't up to par with the rest though. The melodic rhythm feels less certain and little too samey to the verses. The rest of the tune is really good so I think the bridges deserve your attention. I'm not sure of how I could even begin to make suggestions for melody on the bridge. It's such a tough thing to communicate. But I will say, it needs contrast in every musical category. Harmonic, melodic, melodic rhythm.

 

 

Thanks, Lee. I wish you could define what's missing.

 

Here's what's going on with the bridge, which should have already taken care of what you're talking about:

 

I shift from Bb into G. That's a fairly unusual harmonic shift. And it sets the bridge apart.

 

I also go from an 8-bar structure, to a 4. That's a big shift.

 

From what I can tell there is a certain similarity (not vague but not exact, either) between the first figure of each verse ("Down by the snake river..." etc.) and the second musical figure of each bridge ("at my grandma's piano"). I kind of like the way that echoes the verses, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

So, that's one thing that could be looked at. But I think the main problem with the bridge is how I get back into the next verse, or to the solo. That's where the hesitation you're sensing happens.

 

My friend Janice said the same thing. She said, "Why are you pausing there?"

 

So other than that one similar melodic figure, could you nail down a bit more where the problem is...?

 

Thanks again,

 

LCK

[bee3]

Didn't listen yet, but loved the lyrics and the story. Sort of read as if John Irving were writing a song, which is a huge plus in my book.

 

I almost commented on the facebook mention, then went back and read that it said fakebook... thank god.

[rhino55]

I think the OP is really solid. The change you made in post 9 makes it even stronger.

 

The only thing that I can see that might need attention are some of the prepositions in the first bridge.

 

To me it seems like it should read

 

 

ad libbing bits

from "Stardust" to "Moonglow."

 

OR

 

ad libbing a bit

from "Stardust" or "Moonglow"

 

I know this is super picky, but that's what you guys are paying me for.

[LCK]

 

I think the OP is really solid. The change you made in post 9 makes it even stronger. The only thing that I can see that might need attention are some of the prepositions in the first bridge. To me it seems like it should read ad libbing bits from "Stardust" to "Moonglow." OR ad libbing a bit from "Stardust" or "Moonglow" I know this is super picky, but that's what you guys are paying me for.

 

 

Thanks. I've kind of settled on a combo of the two:

 

Ad libbing a bit, from "Stardust" to "Moonglow."

 

The idea is subtle, but it reflects the shift from 1920s jazz to 1940s swing.

 

In other words, "Stardust" was on the cusp of what my grandfather used to play, though a lot of his favorites were older ("Stardust" was written in 1927), while my dad preferred songs from the swing era.

 

Then there's the idea that they played the piano from when the stars first came out to when the moon was just starting to fade from sight.

 

Like I said, it's very subtle.

 

LCK

[Lee Knight]

 

Thanks, Lee. I wish you could define what's missing.

 

 

It's the rhythm of the melody. You have swung 8ths connecting 1/4s all through the tune. Then you get to the bridge and you've still got swung 8th connecting 1/4s. That feels samey to me. What if you were to try triplet 8ths. Which are swung 8th, but strung together. On the first and third lines.

 

(And after) supper-they'd-sit (triplet, 1 or 123,1)

at my grandma's piano,

(ad) libbing-a-bit (triplet, 1)

from "Stardust" to "Moonglow."

 

Just to shake up the listener and draw their attention back to the lyric.

[LCK]

 

You have swung 8ths connecting 1/4s all through the tune.

 

 

Thanks. That's very precise, and accurate. Nice call.

 

I'll work on that angle.

 

LCK

[LeonardScaper]

I love this song....just love it.

 

You deliver it with such quite honesty and freedom, wandering through some typically thought provoking rhymes and some starkly subtle chordings.

 

I would not change one thing.

[Marshal]

I loved it.

 

The hesitation/stop after "moonglow" was the only awkward moment. The music needs to keep moving.

Ahhh. same thing happens after, "over the rainbow." Some little instrumental turnaround would work well to create the space you want and lead into the next phrase. (If you feel brow beaten, talk to Lenny )

 

But it's great. Nice sentiment. Gets the message across well. Might be a perfect twist to turn it around and conclude by talking about passing the lesson on to a child of your own.

[LCK]

I loved it. The hesitation/stop after "moonglow" was the only awkward moment. The music needs to keep moving. Ahhh. same thing happens after, "over the rainbow." Some little instrumental turnaround would work well to create the space you want and lead into the next phrase. (If you feel brow beaten, talk to Lenny ) But it's great. Nice sentiment. Gets the message across well.

 

Thanks a lot, Marshall.

 

I think I was trying to write something that could fit into both worlds -- folk/blues and standards -- but felt I hadn't pulled it off. But, yeah, there's something to be said for how it turned out anyway.

 

LCK

[Marshal]

Folk is a pretty forgiving world. Not so much Blues and Standards. I'd say that one rests pretty solidly in the jazzy standards realm. Quite nicely at that. And I'm sure it would be well received in a folk realm as well, as a change of pace.

 

I suppose subject-wise it is kinda folky. But musically it's jazzy standard.

 

Am I making any sense? :confused:

[LCK]

I suppose subject-wise it is kinda folky. But musically it's jazzy standard. Am I making any sense? :confused:

 

Yes.

 

LCK