Band Frustrations

[rumblebelly]

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just venting but here it is. We played a show Monday night for the first time as a power trio. We lost our bassist a while back and our singer, who used to play bass in the past, took it upon himself to do both. Bless his heart. Well, when I listen back to practices the rhythm section isn't locked in together at all. The show wasn't any better either. No biggie, more practice right? Well, the dude works so damn much he sometimes has to cancel rehearsals. Also, he says he doesn't have enough time to take his bass home and practice. He even said it wouldn't do much good anyway cause his parts are easy and just getting the timing right is the difficult part. He claims he needs the whole band to work on this but I stated he should do the metronome/drum machine thing. I haven't heard back from him and I'd be suprised if he took my advice.

 

We play "punk-like" music and the other guys have this attidude that practice is a waste of time, blah, blah, blah. They are good guys, in their mid to late 20's, and have decent jobs. I just don't get it. Are they in it just for the hobby? They sure talk it up big. Grand touring plans and making an album but they don't put in the effort. I'll stop bitching for now. Just really frustrated that they are wasting my time when I could be doing other things.

 

I don't have much natural talent but I practice pretty consistently so I don't let them down. I'm not that great but at least I put in some kind of effort. I wish they'd do the same, otherwise I just might consider to stop playing with them in order to pursue interests that I'm actually good at.

[Ernie]

Yeah, I know the type. You have to lay it out flat. Just tell them, if you're into this as much as you say, then we gotta practice. As far as jobs go, that's a pretty good excuse. Until you ARE famous, you can't just skip out on work to have band practice. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, especially if you have a real job.

And what your singer says, I kind of agree with. When I played guitar in a band, practicing at home didn't help much. Practicing with the band, however, was so amazingly helpful. And I did the metronome/drum machine stuff. It's just not the same.

So basically, you just gotta let 'em know what's up. Especially about the dedication thing. Our old drummer, the first time we practiced (we got his name out of the local music paper, so we tried him out), he said "if we're gonna do this, I have to take it seriously. We have to practice more than once a week." And the three of us just thought...cool, this is perfect. Then we parted ways for some reason, I think it was because he kept cancelling practice. Then he got an offer to play a show (he was friends with the booking guy at a local bar)...so we did. And instantly, we all agreed to play again. Then we played another show (same place), still not officially a band again. So we got back together, played twice a week, rented out monthly rehearsal space...then he broke his bass drum head. He said "practice is cancelled until I get a new head...I'll call you when I do." He never fixed it. What dedication, right?

So we kicked his ass on the street...and then I picked up drums.

[rumblebelly]

Well, I had no idea he worked so much (gosh, sometimes 60 hours/week I guess) when we let him in the band. I think he should have been more upfront about it. He switched departments and said things would get better but they haven't. I'm just tired of the "I'll let you know later if I can make it to practice TONIGHT" bullcrap.

 

I understand that it can be hard to practice at home alone but I think it would really help him. He struggles at it sometimes and I can understand. He's gotta think about the lyrics, getting the pitch of his voice right, playing the right notes on bass doing this all in time. That's a lot to think about. I think since he's the one that is so far behind the rest of us then he should at least either say "no shows til I feel more comfortable doing both" or do some woodshedding on his own. I'm tired of looking sloppy in front of other musicians.

 

I guess we need a band meeting or something.

[tlester]

I'd say they probably aren't into it and never will be, even know they talk the talk. They have decent jobs and probably don't really consider really going on the road and stuff. I have a friend that is JUST like that.

 

He's one of the most talented drummers I know (and I've recorded some killers... Manu Katche', Omar Hakim, Cindy Blackman, etc). There are about 5 internationally know bands that have graced the POP top 40 that he's played with up until about a month before signing to their labels.

 

He talks a huge game, but he's scared of success and is too lazy to really tour and comitt his life to that kind of schedule. He's sees success coming and bails out! Some people are just that way.

 

Good luck to you... it's a tough situation to be in.

 

-Tom

[Old Steve]

Sadly, this is the same story all over again.

 

The problem is that it can be extremely difficult to get people to prioritize their lives the same way. The more people you add to the mix, the harder it becomes, so the fact that you're a trio is actually a good thing.

 

Even in a trio, however, there will usually be one person who wants to play more than the other two, one person who wants to play the least, and one person in the middle. If the gap between the 'most' person and the 'least' person gets too wide, then you're in for problems.

 

There really is no 'right' or 'wrong' either...because people are entitled to living their own lives the way they want to.

 

There are, however, some basic things that everyone needs to agree on. Each member should only commit to what they can actually fulfill, and then once they commit to something they're obligated to come through. If I can only rehearse once a week, then I shouldn't commit to more than that...if I can get an extra rehearsal scheduled in once in a while that way, it's a bonus. By the same token, if I say I can make once a week, then I damn well better show up on time and ready to go.

 

Sounds like the three of you need to have a meeting (no instuments, no noodling). Each member needs to be able to freely express what their goal is musically (world tours or garage band?) and what they're willing to COMMIT to time wise (no, "well maybe i can squeeze in..." stuff). If the level of commitment doesn't match the goals, you need to discuss that and adjust either the goal or the commitment level. Also, you need to try to adjust your goals and commitment levels so that they're aligned.

 

Overall, it'll probably come down to the lowest common denominator...you'll have to adjust downward to the person with the most time constraints. If that adjusment is too painful, then you need to make personel changes.

[vallely]

Right this is my thinking behind how you could sort your situation:

You say that he doesnt have much time to practice bass and you say his bass parts are easy and that he finds it hard to play bass and sing perfectly at the same time, a way you could sort this is advertise for a new bassist, have a band meeting first of course and say what you t hink and try and get the rest of the band on your side, that way he can practice on his singing only, the new bassist can pick up the songs that are easy to play and concentrate on those, this should then hopefully produce better performances even if you keep the same amount of practicing going and a new memeber can bring fresh ideas to the band

[Ernie]

Old Steve...I completely agree. Well put.

If he's having problems singing and playing, and he's STILL not practicing...then yes, he should be practicing. Let him know. Don't try to prove him wrong or insult him, just let him know that you can tell it's not up to par bass or vocalwise...both are being compromised. Maybe you should get a temp bassist while he works out the difficulties...or just go without a bassist for a few weeks until he can hack it.

But yes...you all have to agree on what your absolute commitments are. If it turns out you are much more committed than they are, then maybe you should part ways. This SHOULD BE completely amicable...as long as all parties are intelligent and mature.

Good luck to you.

[rumblebelly]

Wow, thanks for all the encouragement and suggestions.

 

Old Steve, he knew we practiced 3x a week when we let him join. I think he is obligated to us to make it to those practices, especially when he talks about tours and all that jazz. We've been dealing with this since he joined and I'm oh so tired of it. He promised he'd be more available but it hasn't been the case. Now, apathy is setting in with me and frankly I'm not wanting to practice as much.

 

Earnie, we need to find a bassist I think. Problem is we had so much trouble finding one that we had to go this route.

 

I'm not really sure if I'm more dedicated than the other two to the success of the band or not. I'm more dedicated to not looking like a hack on stage, I have my dignity to worry about. Also, I don't like letting the other guys down which puts me in a highly discouraged frame of mind at this point. A cursed Virgo I am...

[Ernie]

Yeah, that's a big problem with band frustrations. They make you want to play LESS instead of more...like you're supposed to. Ever since I switched to drums and my band went down to a 3 piece (we were a 4piece when I was on guitar), I've just wanted to play more. Me, the guitarist, and bassist get along so well and mesh so well musically that it just works out better this way. We're still not quite used to being a 3 piece, but it's definitely more fun and easier.

As far as playing out goes...even when I suck live, it's the most fun in the world. Our old drummer kept saying "We're not ready, we're not ready." But then just practicing once or twice a week gets very boring after 6 months. That's why we NEEDED to play. So we weren't ready to play out, but we were bored because we didn't. So what to do? The 3 of us thought we should play a show once a month to get motivated, and then practice biweekly as usual. Otherwise we would suck but get better, instead of sucking and being frustrated. Our drummer didn't agree.

[Old Steve]

Originally posted by Ernie ...as long as all parties are intelligent and mature. Good luck to you.

 

Well, I think I can vouch for Rumble based on his posts here, but we're talking about guys who play STRINGED INSTRUMENTS here, so you never know...

 

3x a week is a pretty big commitment. I assume that it ain't for just 15 minutes each time, either. Then again, big goals take more work than little ones.

 

The only thing I'll add is that commitments do change, like it or not. Maybe something has changed in his life (work, health issues, wife/girlfriend, kids...etc.) and now he can't make the same commitment as he could before. Maybe he was just being overly optimistic when he committed to the 3x per week schedule.

 

The point is, you need to have the conversation again to make sure everybody is in the same boat. If the guy feels pressured to agree to 3x per week, but deep down knows that he can only do 1x per week, wouldn't you rather have the issue out in the open and deal with it (one way or another) than to have him string you along with false promises?

 

The last band I was in turned into a nightmare for me. It got to the point where I hated reheasing with them (one guy in particular) and was embarrassed to be seen with them on stage. It took me a looooong time to finally realize that I needed to quit..even though I didn't have another gig lined up. I used to think that a bad gig was better than no gig. I learned that some gigs are so bad that NO gig is an improvement. Don't let fear of not progressing keep you stuck in a bad gig. It's like ripping a band aid off...do it quick and you'll feel better afterward.

 

I'm not necessarily saying to dump the guy or quit, but don't be afraid of doing one or the other if it's apparent that you're not going to be compatible. The longer you stay in a bad gig, the longer it will take for you to find a good one.

[rumblebelly]

Originally posted by Ernie As far as playing out goes...even when I suck live, it's the most fun in the world. Our old drummer kept saying "We're not ready, we're not ready." But then just practicing once or twice a week gets very boring after 6 months. That's why we NEEDED to play. So we weren't ready to play out, but we were bored because we didn't. So what to do? The 3 of us thought we should play a show once a month to get motivated, and then practice biweekly as usual. Otherwise we would suck but get better, instead of sucking and being frustrated. Our drummer didn't agree.

 

 

Yeah, we started playing pretty quick. When we started Das Highrollers we were a whole band for only about 3 months. Our singer started practicing the bass/vocal thing together only 2 months ago. I think we might have been jumping the gun a bit.

 

It is fun to play live but this last time I found myself begging for it to end. It used to be "damn, were done already. That was a quick 45 minutes!". It's not as fun as it used to be I and I find myself wanting to other projects, both musical and nonmusical. I just don't want anyone wasting my time when they don't pull their weight...that's all I ask. Now I feel like if I impress myself that's all that really matters anymore.

[parkbenchband]

quit the band...join a band with dedicated people...THE END

[rumblebelly]

Originally posted by parkbenchband quit the band...join a band with dedicated people...THE END

 

That's a really dumb reply.

[JSimms]

I am really sorry to hear about your dilemma, and can see that you have gotten some really good advice so I won't reiterate what everyone else has said, except to say this: Don't let this eat you alive. There are lots of musicians in the world and you shouldn't be afraid to walk away from a project that you think is detrimental to your sanity. I can tell you from extensive experience that it is not worth it. It is also not worth it to stay with a group of musicians who do not have a unified vision of the band's future.

 

Good luck.

[rumblebelly]

I dunno, the singer told me last night that he had to turn down an incredible opportunity to stay in the band. Oh, I forgot to mention that he's in the Air Force so he really doesn't have much of a choice in the matter when it comes to work. Actually, he also stated that the band sometimes compromises his job but he needs the band to find balance in his life. I guess I'm not much different.

 

I just wish he would have been more upfront about his work schedule when he joined. That's my only real gripe right now.