The Under-Achieving Band Member Hall of Fame (Part 1)

By the Gig Kahuna

There are lots of potential defects that

give away the true nature of a half-ass

and unprofessional musician, and that

musician can hold a band back no matter

how good everyone else is. See if any of

the following nominees in the Under-

Achieving Band Member Hall of Fame

sound like you or someone in your band.

Members Showing Up Stoned or Drunk for Band Practice

If you or anyone in the band drinks or gets stoned before or during practice, you have a serious problem. You will very seldom get anything done when someone is stoned, drunk, or otherwise high. There is always time for that after practice, like during band meetings afterwards.

Drug and Alcohol Issues

To elaborate on the previous paragraph, drug and alcohol issues are another serious problem. A couple beers or joints here and there is one thing, but full-blown drug and alcohol addiction is a very sad thing to see happen to anyone—especially someone you love or is close to you. But sooner or later, you will have to cut that person loose if you’re serious about pursuing your dream.

Musicians who Like One Musical Style, But Would Play Another Just to Play

It seldom works out in the long run to have such a musician in your band. This is because he or she will eventually feel held back, and want to move on. The same is true with any musicians who are over-talented for what your band is doing. It might be okay to keep this person long enough to get in the game, but keep in mind that eventually, they will more than likely need to be replaced.

The main exception is that there are some musicians who like to play different musical styles. But this is the person who will probably want to do some kind of side project someday to express himself in ways he can’t with the band he’s in. Depending on the band, this might or might not work out for all involved.

Member Who Is Paranoid About Recording Rehearsals or Songs as They Develop

You’ve just gone through a song at practice, and everyone says “sounded good.” Lame. You need to record at least some of your rehearsals, and especially songs and ideas as you go. All it takes is a room mic in the right position with some basic recording software, or one of those little digital recording devices. The idea is not to get any kind of quality recording, but just get an idea of what everything is sounding like—what it’s REALLY sounding like, as in to other people. You might think the rehearsals are sounding good, but listening back to a recording tells the real story.

This is especially important in song development. No big deal and very easy to do. Also easy to make quick copies for all or most of the members to listen to afterwards on their own. Recording yourselves makes it much easier to pinpoint any problems and correct them, such as someone hitting a wrong note, or someone’s timing being off. It also keeps good possible ideas from getting away. But it seems every band has some paranoid idiot who thinks his efforts will get stolen. Give me a break!

Taking too Long to Write Songs

Assuming you’re an original band, you can’t be making a career out of just one song. You need to be a fountain of songs. You also need to have some method of banging songs out as quickly and efficiently as possible (part of where talent comes in). Most bands have one or two main songwriters, and this is the way it really should be, for the most part. Some may argue that the band should write songs by just jamming, and sometimes that might work, but seldom does.

You should be familiar with the term “too many chefs in the kitchen,” or “too many chiefs and not enough Indians.” The same holds true in a band. Someone has to be the leader and take charge. A band should have one or two principal songwriters and the rest should basically just follow along, maybe adding a few little fills, nuances, enhancements, or other ideas. This is one example of why it’s important to keep egos in check.

The Baby Who Acts Like It’s the Band’s Only Song, Gig, or Whatever

Let’s say you or a bandmate just acquired some sort of computer recording system, and you want to record just one song at first to get your feet wet and start learning the system. No big deal, just pick a song, right? Doesn’t matter which song, just something to get you going. But it seems every band has that one guy who will complain because the song chosen isn’t what he wanted to do, as if the song decided on is the only song the band will ever record.

Or let’s say the band has basically agreed on which songs to play in the set of an upcoming gig. But you have that one idiot who moans because there’s a song not included that he wanted to play, as if it’s the only gig the band will ever play.

The Guy Who Just Wants to Get Laid

If you have someone like this in your band, it’s more than likely another sign of ego issues, and he probably sucks. It never ceases to amaze me—the guy who will have an affair with another member’s girlfriend. This happens more often than many might think. I can’t believe someone would put the entire band on the line for something like having sex with another member’s significant other. But it does happen. A lot. Sad.

Drummers or Other Musicians Who Insist on Over-Playing the Hell Out of Every Song

Come on. Even the most insane, brutal, sick metal drummers (the good ones) know there are times to back off and just hold down a solid beat.

_______________________________________________

David Himes is the author of the book Realities for Local Bands: Talent is not Enough. You can find it at Amazon. For a FREE sneak preview, click here. The book is also available in PDF format. Also, David published a local music scene paper for over 16 years and has held over 400 live shows, giving him a unique insight on the scene. Your feedback and comments are welcome.