Etiquette For The Enduring Music Career

“Be careful whose a$$ you kick on the way up

   because you might have to kiss it on the way down…”

You’ll have to pardon my use of coarse language to relate this old road dog colloquialism but it doesn’t quite have the street credibility without an edge.  Never has there been a more accurate warning issued to a rising (or falling) star.  Having been in the business for decades, I have watched this foundational street rule played out in both directions on the career ladder.  Whether you call it karma, juju, or just human nature, reaping what you sow comes with phenomenal long term memory.  It’s with this premise in mind that I will propose some general rules of etiquette that might propel your rise… and soften your fall.

1.  Killing With Kindness

Whether it’s pompous promoter, crusty crew, or even egotistical electric guitarist, they all have one thing in common – they’re human (although promoters might be more reptilian).  Human beings respond to kindness and respect.  I’ve seen roadies that could kill from 10 feet with their breath alone eventually crack a smile and go above and beyond to help someone that shows humility and sincere kindness their way.  If you show self-deprecating respect all around, it demonstrates that you are likewise human.  Sometimes it requires intentional effort but it always pays off.

2.  Be Dependable

Just like kindness, doing what you say you will do at the time you agree to do it is phenomenally impressive.  It’s surprising to me how little regard some fellow artists show for event schedules, sound check time slots and even show durations.  There is no better way to never be asked back as an opener than to insist on playing the extended version of Free Bird as an encore when you’re already 5 minutes over in your slot.  This often ends up costing the production serious money since everybody from crew to janitorial staff has to stay longer after the show.  Being late for calls does the same thing.  If you make a commitment contractually or verbally, honor it.  Keep a copy of contracts handy at all times to make sure you’re meeting your agreements.

3.  Keep Your Conduct Professional

This is a rule that should be applied from arrival to departure and from the greatest to the smallest in the organization.  Although you love to lace your personal conversation with fluid conjugations of the “f bomb”, dropping a few of them at a family festival on an open microphone or during your performance in front of children does not make you look cool and give you street creds.  It shows your lack of discretion and maturity as a professional.  Touring is a business whether you set up at the VFW or Madison Square Garden.  Successful businesses show thoughtful discretion to the potentially diverse tastes and convictions of all of their clientele.

4.  Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

This is a simple concept but speaks volumes to people around you.  Remember that your mother does not likely work everywhere you play.  Someone has to pick up empty water bottles at your station on stage.  Why not do it yourself?  Cleanliness will also go a long way in your band rapport as well.  Unless you have a maid on the crew, it’s great practice to clean up after yourself.

5.  Generosity Pays You Back

Waitresses will tell you that the worst tippers in the history of waiting tables are musicians.  I suppose that if you’ve just worked for $50 in tips for four hours, paid for parking, unloaded and reloaded gear and you’re dragging in for slimy eggs and overcooked bacon, it would seem easy to justify being tight with all that loose change.  The person waiting your table might have worked eight hours for even less in tips and is providing a service just like you.  Why take your frustration out on someone in the same boat as you?  I will guarantee that if you likewise tip the lighting guy after a good night of illumination, you’ll get an even better job the next time you play that venue.  You will also get the reputation of taking care of people that take care of you.  Paying it forward always pays you back.

6.  Say Nothing At All

… if you don’t have something good to say.  I know that it’s a lot of fun to jump in on the latest rehab antics of so and so while eating dinner in the food tent.  It’s even tempting to start the conversation if you have a juicy scoop.  This might be the most egregious way to eventually reap what you sow.  More often than not, rumors are not only 90 percent blown out of proportion, but they can damage you more than the subject in terms your own reputation and image.  Be a rumor killer rather than a rumor miller.

7.  Golden Rules

Finally, if there is no specific rule above that applies to your situation, the golden rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is tried and true.  Sometimes this even covers recognizing when you are wrong and stepping up with an apology.  An old proverb says that pride goes before a fall.  While remorse might not prevent a prideful fall, it can certainly cushion the landing.  I want to share a little personal story about a guy who reacted humanly but turned it around for a guy who held him in high regard.

One of my first years in Little River Band, we were working Arrowfest, a huge rock festival in the Netherlands.  This was one of my first big festivals and would be the first time I actually experienced 80,000 people in a crowd listening to me play.  Unforgettable!  The festival featured an incredible line up of classic rock acts from Styx to CSN to a closing appearance of Meatloaf.  I’m not usually impressed with celebrities but there is something that is a bit disarming about eating overcooked chicken in the commissary with David Crosby and Tommy Shaw.

Being an unashamed hillbilly and figuring that I might never see some of these guys again, I just walked up and introduced myself when I saw someone I admired.  As a teenager, besides LRB music (shameless plug) I was a huge Crosby, Stills and Nash fan.  So when I noticed Stephen Stills in the commissary, I took a moment to walk over to say hello.  When I approached, I of course put my hand on his shoulder and started to introduce to which he responded, “Dude, can you take your hand off my shoulder”.  I demurred and told him who I was and that we were playing right before them – no offense intended.  He apologized and sheepishly admitted that he’d been on flights for 24 hours without sleep and didn’t realize that I was another artist.  I am longsuffering and understand jet lag so we were cool;  I went back to my table with the rest of the guys.  Imagine my surprise a few moments later when I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to find Stephen standing there at my table apologizing again and asking us to join him and the band backstage at their show.  We chatted for a few minutes and we did indeed visit backstage later at their show.  He walked back our way and said hello during the solo of “Southern Cross”.  That was a little surreal.  It’s good when a childhood hero turns out to be a genuine guy.  You can email me for the rest of the story as Paul Harvey used to say…(see point 6).

These points are not necessarily earth shattering or being made for the first time.  They are more common sense than anything.  But in a business that is fueled by ego and tempered by agenda, following these fundamentals can have a huge impact on your career no matter which way you are headed on your ladder.  As always, tour with etiquette, my friends.

Chris Marion is an American musician best known as a member of Little River Band and for his contribution to the gospel and country music industries. Although graduating college with a B.A. in Psychology, he is a classically trained pianist and has worked in the music industry professionally for over 35 years. As a resident of Nashville, he is involved in the recording industry working in the genres of Gospel, Country and Rock.  Since 2004, he has toured globally with the classic rock act Little River Band as a keyboardist and vocalist.  For more useless trivia and minutiae concerning Chris or to contact him directly, feel free to visit his personal website www.chrismarionmusic.com.