Craig's List - Five Reasons Why Streaming Will Save Music

Good-bye CDs, hello the future! Streaming is effing awesome—not just for listeners, but look at all the incredible benefits for musicians!

1. Royalties will be accounted for truthfully and honestly.

No longer will you be at the mercy of record companies doing shady practices, with their dual sets of books and accountants named “Junior.” As we all know, digital data stored in the clouds is totally secure—it’s technologically impossible to hack or alter it!

2. You can play music over your smartphone’s speakers.

After the horrible fidelity of cassettes, the surface noise of vinyl, and the st-st-st-st-stuttering of CDs left for too long in a hot car, we can enjoy the luxurious sound of music, coming through speakers about the size of a mosquito and with approximately the same frequency response. Face it—no one listens to bass players anyway.

3. It helps third world countries achieve a higher standard of living.

Need to build up more likes for your latest musical masterpiece? No problem—the click farms of Bengladesh await! For a mere $1, you can get 1,000 likes—so pony up a grand, and there’s your million likes Bonus coolness: Those who remember the old days of immoral and unethical business practices in the record industry can enjoy a moment of nostalgia.

4. There will be no physical record of pop music for future historians to snicker at.

Streaming music is truly as evanescent as the clouds, and when all the servers go up in smoke after an X-Class solar flare, we can console ourselves by knowing that those in future will never be subjected to Kenny G’s apotheotic command of sappiness, or Neil Diamond’s cringe-worthy, faux-reggae version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” (Although to be fair, they sadly won’t get to hear Diamond’s “Cherry, Cherry,” either. Oh well.)

5. You’ll be able to buy a house with the money you make.

That’s right—with YouTube paying about $740 for 1,000,000 streams, it won’t be long before you’ll be able to buy a house! That is, as long as it’s cardboard, and fits under an overpass.

___________________________________________