Craig's List - 5 Reasons God Must Like Drummers
By Anderton |
5 Reasons God Must Like Drummers
by Craig Anderton
1. They’re the safest member of the band. When people throw bottles, rotten tomatoes, used condoms, and other tokens of appreciation at the guitarist and lead singer, the drummer sits safely on a throne (that’s really what they call it), behind impressive fortifications. Bottles have to make it through a bewildering forest of toms, cymbals, and stands before they can hit their target. Safety first!
2. They have nothing to fear from United Airlines baggage handlers. Drummers beat the living crap out of their instruments every day, so having a baggage handler do the same…been there, done that. No big deal.
3. They get so many groupies, the calculator was invented specifically so drummers could keep count. There’s something about all that physical activity and sweat and stuff…the rhythmic pulsing…moving in and out of the beat…veiled in mystery behind that drum kit...hey, just wondering—does anyone have contact information for Sheila E.?
4. Drummers can get away with anything. Let’s face it, in comparison to John Bonham and Keith Moon, anything you do is going to seem pretty tame by comparison. Yes, even that little stunt you did last week with the pickup truck, Trixie’s mom, Gatorade, four gallons of Crisco, and a complete set of the Encyclopedia Brittanica.
5. Drummers are the poster children for mental health. Because they hit things all the time, drummers get to work out their aggressions on inanimate objects. Not only is this great news for lead guitarists and singers, but after searching through 100 years of public records, not one serial killer has ever been a drummer. Just sayin.’
Craig Anderton is Editorial Director of Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.