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Craig’s List – Five Things You Don’t Want To Hear When You Get to the Gig

Three flights of stairs...no problem!


by Craig Anderton



1 — “No, the elevator hasn’t been working since the cable snapped. But it’s only three flights of stairs up to the main ballroom.”


2 — “Hey! My cousin is a fabulous singer, and he’s as good on sax as Kenny G! Maybe even better! He can sit in for your set, right? And just imagine— he’s only 14!”


3 — “Now that you mention it, I always did think those P.A. speakers sounded kind of funny. So do you know where I can find some . . . what did you call them? ‘High-frequency drivers?’”


4 — “Well, I dunno . . . the Junior Young Miss American Direct Marketing Salesgirl of the Year contest is right after you finish, and we really can’t move their stuff off the stage for you and then set it back up again. How about the drummer just plays tambourine—then you won’t need all that extra space!”


5 — “Glad you guys are here, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in the office, talking to some of my . . . uh . . . business partners. Oh, and by the way, could you loan me $20?”






Craig Anderton is a Senior Contributing Editor at Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.



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Laughing Gravy  |  June 04, 2018 at 1:17 pm
3 words you don't want to hear when you're making love: "Honey, I'm home!"
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