Anything stick out really off?You and Me (Jeanne's Song)
(c)2013 Rick Dieffenbach
Me and you
Up on a hill
Look'en at the view and a place to build a home
You and me
Together again
Life circled round and brought back my friend
You and me
Strollin' through town
Lookin' in the shops an' hangin' around
Laughin' at the weather, passin' the time.
We're back together
and it isn't it fine?
You and me
you and me
you and me
you and me
Bridge
Life waits for no one you need to sing your song
And when the right one comes along you know that you belong (together).
Jeanne...
I loved you then
I love you now
You are my best friend
Jeanne...
won't you marry me
I'll love you faithfully
And tenderly
to the end
to the end
you and me
to the end
Marry me
Marry me
Jeanne
It's quite lovely, Rick. Another winner.
There are a few minor things to consider, lyrically speaking.
I've highlighted some suggestions for changes in bold.
Reasons?
The first line has a potential internal rhyme built in; just reverse "you and me."
"Build a life" is too abstract for my taste. The idea of standing on a hill and picturing the home you want to build is stronger.
"Lookin' in the shops at what can be found" is a bit weak, IMO. The same goes for "laughin' and havin' a really good time." Don't tell us you're having a good time, show us.
The stuff about meeting friends and drinking red wine bordered on cliche for me.
"How can it be wrong" introduces a negative possibility. I think the song should focus on the wonderful feeling of finding that perfect person and kind of walking on air.
Other than those few minor adjustments I must say this is pretty terrific all around.
Nice work!
"I wrote a song but I can't read music so I don't know how it goes.'" – Steven Wright
"Music is math." – Neil Young
"Where the hell is Larry?" – Richard Rodgers
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