Sorry about the terrible vocal editing, this will be rerecorded with a solid vocal take (I was rather under the weather when I recorded.) If you guys could poke holes, that'd be swell.
***WARNING: SWEAR WORD***
https://soundcloud.com/thomas-mason-1/safetynetrou
Lyrics:
(no nono)My safety net is there, but the landing point may change
'cause it's gone wrong once before, lord. So why would I ever fall for you again?
look I love you, you're my safety net. But you've done me wrong.
Honey, why would I take the plunge when you may be, oh you may be (gone)
-Verse 1-
and although my head head keeps speaking
Say no and stop stop these feelings.
I miss you sometimes, you're plaquing my mind.
Somehow you stop me leaving
-Bridge-
Gone. Gotta go down, I gotta jump, but then I gotta land, al-
-though, I don't know what I want, I still wanna hold your hand. Oh
Good god I'm thrown now, I didn't jump, this isn't what I planned, but
no, you don't know, you don't understand (and although/ I know - and you're)
(chorus)
(bridge)
-Verse 2-
and I know my heart's heart's decieving
Say no and stop stop these feelings.
I've made up my mind, but time after time
Somehow you stop me leaving
-Middle-
so I've come to help us all forget all the things we did wrong.
now I look down and I am stunned, my safety net, no nono
-Last Chorus-
My safety net's not there. And I really thought you'd change.
but it's gone wrong loads before, lord. Goodbye, now I'll never bother you again.
Look right, **bleep** you, 'cause I won't forget that you did me wrong.
'cause I died when I took the plunge, my safe-ty net, oh my net was
Originally Posted by rsadasiv
I could alter it and also make it more symmetrical/repetitive by making it:
And though you're so deceiving -
yes, weakness comes from feeling -
I've made up my mind;
Yes, time after time
I see no sense in leaving.
It does change the meaning of the verse somewhat but it works. I do worry that it makes it a tad less passionate without the emotional dynamics put forward in Verse 2.
Edit:
I'm also pretty concerned about the outright 'gayness' of it. The idea was to write something 'poppy' that most people enjoy whilst spraying it with hefty amounts of 'credibility'. I worry that the subject matter might be overly... 'gay'... and alienate the people who would appreciate the musical novelty.
Originally Posted by rhino55
-
The song was partially inspired by a girl I was with at the time who I was having difficulty trusting as we'd had difficulties after she'd moved to another country and become a stripper. When she came back and we got back together, I was reluctant to really 'hand myself over'. It's not specifically about that but it's where the subject matter came from in my heart. I actually wrote this a couple of months ago - before her and I broke up.
-
In my eyes, the fact that people swear or use vulgar language in every day conversation is reason to put it in a song. When I'm angry, I swear; when I write an angry song, I'll swear. The market appeal/memorability of it is what I consider when putting it in. It could be regarded as a bit cheap, but I think it's even cheaper to use a melisma on woah/yeah/oh or a phrase on yeah/da/doo/la. Actually, the inane repetition of what tends to make 'good' songs 'good' is pretty cheap. I don't think a successful songwriter should be worrying about integrity in such a way.
But yeah, if no one thinks 'slut' is working I'll probably change it. When I read it, I get it, but I know exactly what I'm on about. If it doesn't make sense to others, I'll have to alter it. I'll have to think about what I'm going to change it to.
Originally Posted by LordBTY
So the girl you're talking about is a slut. Go for it, use the word. I'm certainly not suggesting you shouldn't. Sounds like a descriptive term for her if you choose. I am suggesting, though, you shouldn't use the word popcorn. Because you haven't talked about snacks at all in this song. Wait, actually you haven't talked about sluts either.
It comes out of left field with absolutely no setup or explanation. Your backstory above explains it great and I could get behind a song that used the word slut in that context. But currently, that isn't the context of your song. It may be in the one you're hearing in your head, but not the one you've written here.
Originally Posted by Lee Knight
So the girl you're talking about is a slut. Go for it, use the word. I'm certainly not suggesting you shouldn't. Sounds like a descriptive term for her if you choose. I am suggesting, though, you shouldn't use the word popcorn. Because you haven't talked about snacks at all in this song. Wait, actually you haven't talked about sluts either.
It comes out of left field with absolutely no setup or explanation. Your backstory above explains it great and I could get behind a song that used the word slut in that context. But currently, that isn't the context of your song. It may be in the one you're hearing in your head, but not the one you've written here.
Edit:
My friend has already described it as 'gay' and I felt it was a tad 'gay' - mostly due to how I recorded some of it at first. It was probably mostly down to the vocal delivery.
Now, that is mutant outsider pop!
The bizarro, 'tuned light opera tenor intertwined with the ragga breaks probably shouldn't work, but it does. (Which, I think, is kind of a hallmark of good outsider pop.) It really does.
Maybe not for everyone, of course. But heck with 'em if they can't take a little arch postmodernism.
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