Songwriting Workshop

[blue2blue]

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Lee Knight wrote:

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rsadasiv wrote:

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bee3 wrote:
Yes... we do. Shall I accept your post as a solution?

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Only if you accept hair loss as a problem.

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Not a problem, an opportunity! Rid myself of that pesky mane. I use one cleanser, for my body, my teeth, my head... one soap, a large size of Dr. Bonner's Castile Soap:

You can't do that with hair! But a naked dome? Yeah baby. Hat slides right on...

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I used to wash my hair with Dr Bronner's all the time. And top if off by eating a half a bag of his sea salt corn chips.

[rsadasiv]

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grace_slick wrote:

HEY! I post regularly...most of the time. lol

It's been a busy past few months, with Christmas and other traumas.

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Christmas and Other Traumas would be a great album title.

[j0el]

man i dont even know how to start a thread anymore

[grace_slick]

YEAH! Christmas and Other Traumas! Great idea, Ram!

[LCK]

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rsadasiv wrote:

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Christmas and Other Traumas would be a great album title.

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+1

[blue2blue]

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rsadasiv wrote:

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grace_slick wrote:

HEY! I post regularly...most of the time. lol

It's been a busy past few months, with Christmas and other traumas.

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Christmas and Other Traumas would be a great album title.

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I dunno... too reminiscent of Stanyon Street and other Sorrows by that best selling poet of loneliness and despair, Rod McKuen.

PS... Wait 'til you guys get a load of my newest song. 

[rsadasiv]

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blue2blue wrote:

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rsadasiv wrote:

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grace_slick wrote:

HEY! I post regularly...most of the time. lol

It's been a busy past few months, with Christmas and other traumas.

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Christmas and Other Traumas would be a great album title.

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I dunno... too reminiscent of Stanyon Street and other Sorrows by that best selling poet of loneliness and despair, Rod McKuen.

PS... Wait 'til you guys get a load of my newest song. 

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PPS - got my Christmas And Other Traumas song up in the RPM thread.

[rsadasiv]

*crickets*

[rsadasiv]

[blue2blue]

[vocals temorary]

UPDATED Play Link from the RPM Challenge Site

Sad That It's So Dead in Here

Sad that it's so dead in here
sad to see the flocks have fled
sad to say its inevitable
but
some things must be said

This scene is dead
this scene is dead
the reasons are many
excuses are few
this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

We were so cool
so beautiful
so free so hip
the people to be
What we had is gone, what we did is done
the songs we sang as good as never sung

this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

Came back to see what had become
of the place where so much was said and done
footprints in the dust
shadows in a mirror
was it yesterday
or a thousand years

This scene is dead
the scene is dead
the reasons are many
excuses are few
This scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead
this scene is dead
the scene is dead

ooohoooh oohoooh
oohooh oohooh
this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

 I have to say, I hate this song. I hate writing under pressure. I really, really hate my singing.

[Oswlek]

Blue, this is a fantastic tune.  It reminds me of an artist I can recall eplicitly - except his name.  I'll dig it up and post later.

The only change I'd consider is to get a rhyme at the end of the chorus by making it:

"God knows this scene is through".

Otherwise it is briliant.

[LCK]

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blue2blue wrote:

[vocals temorary]

http://rpmchallenge.com/userplayer/11715/rpmc-2013-02-05-The-Scene-Is-Dead.mp3

 I have to say, I hate this song. I hate writing under pressure. I really, really hate my singing.

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I agree with Justin. The song has a lot going for it.

It reminds me a little of Leonard Cohen.

Very nicely done.

[Lee Knight]

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blue2blue wrote:

[vocals temorary]

http://rpmchallenge.com/userplayer/11715/rpmc-2013-02-05-The-Scene-Is-Dead.mp3

Sad That It's So Dead in Here

Sad that it's so dead in here
sad to see the flocks have fled
sad to say its inevitable
but
some things must be said

This scene is dead
this scene is dead
the reasons are many
excuses are few
this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

We were so cool
so beautiful
so free so hip
the people to be
What we had is gone, what we did is done
the songs we sang as good as never sung

this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

Came back to see what had become
of the place where so much was said and done
footprints in the dust
shadows in a mirror
was it yesterday
or a thousand years

This scene is dead
the scene is dead
the reasons are many
excuses are few
This scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead
this scene is dead
the scene is dead

ooohoooh oohoooh
oohooh oohooh
this scene is dead
the scene is dead
God knows the scene is dead

 I have to say, I hate this song. I hate writing under pressure. I really, really hate my singing.

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I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the album proper, add a clarinet and bass clarinet. Very cool. This song is very timely. Not just around here, but as gaming, social media and cocooning grow... well, it does strike a chord. Very cool Mr. Blue.

My uninvited commentary. Couldn't help it, it really does strike a chord with me...

This scene is dead

The walls painted blood red

Left are the echoes of the things we said

This scene is dead

They've all gone to bed

('Cept for the) clings-ons, vampires and talking heads

But they're hanging on, sucking dry and writing about

Something left behind and baby there's nothin' ahead...

God knows this scene is dead

[Oswlek]

Writing our own "this place is dead" tune seems like a fitting February challenge....

[rhino55]

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blue2blue wrote:

[vocals temorary]

http://rpmchallenge.com/userplayer/11715/rpmc-2013-02-05-The-Scene-Is-Dead.mp3

Sad That It's So Dead in Here

 I have to say, I hate this song. I hate writing under pressure. I really, really hate my singing.

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:rawk:

I'll third Justin's idea to end the chorus with 'through.'  

I don't think I'm going to be able to say anything to make you hate your singing any less, but FWIW I think the vocals have an honest quality that work really really well on this one.

[Lee Knight]

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Oswlek wrote:
Writing our own "this place is dead" tune seems like a fitting February challenge....

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That's a great idea!!!

[rsadasiv]

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blue2blue wrote:

[vocals temorary]

http://rpmchallenge.com/userplayer/11715/rpmc-2013-02-05-The-Scene-Is-Dead.mp3

Sad That It's So Dead in Here

 I have to say, I hate this song. I hate writing under pressure. I really, really hate my singing.

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The song is great and I'm fine with the singing. Reminds me much more of Kurt Weill than Leonard Cohen.

Don't waste your time and energy hating. Write it, record it, and move on. It's day 6 already.

NOW POST THIS IN THE RPM THREAD!

[Oswlek]

Jeff Tweedy.  That's who you sound like here.

I think that style works very well for the tune.

[blue2blue]

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Oswlek wrote:
Writing our own "this place is dead" tune seems like a fitting February challenge....

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LOL

My antipathy to my vocal on this notwithstanding, Ram has his finger on the pulse of the RPM calendar... I gotta move on. At least as far as RPM goes. If I get something done today, then I'll be back on schedule. I have a really terrible girl name song that compounds its sins by being built on a really terrible pun off the girl's name. ("Tamara Is Forever.")

With regard to rhyme scheme, I was very much going for that break in the rhyme flow you get with something like that. I wanted those lines to stand out and mark the stop of the lyric flow at each point. I've always had a little soft spot for that sort of thing. 

PS... the song started as a response to this thread, of course -- but was actually as much about cool scenes I've been a part of over the years that thrived for a while then deteriorated, dispelled in diasapora, or died outright. I was particularly thinking of the early days of the pun scene in LA and how disappointed and empty things started feeling in late '78 and '79. Of course, what I'd been experiencing was the first flowering... after that, all the people who didn't get punk decided they were punk.

FWIW... I don't see the Songwriting Workshop as particularly endangered. Rough, frustrating times, for sure. 

But, you know, when the old HC infrastructure couldn't support the SWF, our members started their own forum -- and mananged to get most of the regulars over there. That suggests not just a strong community -- but that the foundational rules seem to offer something of ongoing value.

(Now if we just had our own off-topic forum as with the alternate forum. But we have our own institutions that take the place of that and they seem to work pretty well. The FIT, of course, was an instant hit and quickly became a cherished institution under successive MCs. The Monthly Showcase threads give us a dedicated place to talk about or post all the stuff that doesn't fit into the main forum rules.)