Songwriting Workshop

[Lee Knight]

Now with test lyric ideas!!! Hey!

Just curious if anyone has any input on what they like below. These are just ideas, unformed from my notebook.I've just now sort of jammed on some lyrics to each title to see what flows. This is all just written to the title in the past 10 minutes to see what flys or not. That's clear when you notice they all have the same cadence. Whatev... anything?

Stuck Holdin' the Shovel

(Imagine Keith Richards attending Ian Stewart's funeral. How ironic. Imagine a father burying his son. Imagine the one who deserves to die outliving the true and righteous.)

Never thought I'd have my hand out carrying you down this aisle

Never thought this would be the last time I'd see you in a while

Never thought you'd leave the table with your cup full

And leave me stuck holdin' the shovel

Tourists and Purists

Tourist and purists and everything in between

Lovers of pure beauty or the sickly sweet obscene

Drink it in then move it along, trust it has staying power

But please dearest patron don't forget...we charge by the hour

Little To Say

I've got little to say, nothin' to add, that hasn't been said before

Words are wasted as they feather to the floor

Don't look at me and tell me I'm hardened steel

I got little to say but way too much to feel

Memoirs of an Idiot

If anybody can take a sweet thing, pick it up and turn it right sour

Spoil the simmering broth trying to thicken it with flour

It's me brother, it's me, it's true, I concede

Sit back put your feet up, take your time and read

It's all in there, I've been completely fair, you'll feel the truth of it in your gut

Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot

[rsadasiv]

Stuck Holding The Shovel is going to sink or swim with the rhymes for shovel (of which "cup full" is not one)

Tourists and Purists has got to pick up that 5 beat pattern, and there are a lot of songs around that type of paralell construction (Beggars and Choosers, Handbags and Gladrags etc.)

[Lee Knight]

bedknobs and broomsticks

winners and losers

tasters and sniffers

pee-ers and poo-ers

movers and shakers

plumbers and bakers

And don't burn the rhythm with candlestick makers

[rhino55]

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rsadasiv wrote:

Stuck Holding The Shovel is going to sink or swim with the rhymes for shovel (of which "cup full" is not one)

Tourists and Purists has got to pick up that 5 beat pattern, and there are a lot of songs around that type of paralell construction (Beggars and Choosers, Handbags and Gladrags etc.)

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shuffle, muscle, hustle, truffle, nuzzle, etc...

[rhino55]

struggle, double, stumble 

[rsadasiv]

A regular rhyming dictionary, that Rhino.

[Lee Knight]

Those false rhymes don't come naturally to me Ryan, that's ^^^ awesome. Thanks, I'll mess with those.. But now, I think... I'm feeling the Idiot
 
Memoirs of an Idiot
V1
If anybody can take a sweet thing, pick it up and turn it right sour
Spoil the simmering broth trying to thicken it with flour
It's me brother, it's me, it's true, I concede
Sit back put your feet up, take your time and read
It's all in there, I've been completely fair, you'll feel the truth of it in your gut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 
V2
I was born with middle class privilege, in the suburbs of LA
Fighting tooth and nail was just a game my friends would play
With trash can lids as Roman shields and oranges from our trees
Eating from our arsenal that was supposed to bury our enemy
With no real need to move ahead, to strive and make the cut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 
B
Don't be too hard on your self
She whispered to me
What are your options
Excuses and self pity?
Don't be too hard on your self
She whispered and then she said out loud...
And don't be too hard on me
 

V3
If anyone could have so much, yet fail to see their fortune
Wake up every morning only seeing it as torture
It's me brother, it's me, it's true, I concede
Sit back put your feet up, take your time and read
It's all in there, I've been completely fair, you'll feel the truth of it in your gut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 

[LCK]

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Lee Knight wrote:

Stuck Holdin' the Shovel

Tourists and Purists

Little To Say

Memoirs of an Idiot

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"Stuck Holdin' the Shovel" is the most interesting title of these 4, IMO.

[oldgitplayer]

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LCK wrote:

"Stuck Holdin' the Shovel" is the most interesting title of these 4, IMO.

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I also gravitate to this as a title, but it has some difficulties to resolve :

1. And leave me stuck holdin' the shovel reminds me too much of Gerry Rafferty - 'Stuck in the middle with you.'

2. However - It's also difficult to sing the two words with double syllables as an ongoing sentence, so the phrasing needs to change, and that may disassociate it from Gerry Rafferty. 'And leave me stuck / holdin' the shovel'

[rickidoo]

To me, this is the best because it is a perfect send off for a social commetary / humor song if adjusted a little:

==========================================

Little To Say

I've got little to say, nothin' to add, that hasn't been said before

Words are wasted as they feather to the floor

Don't look at me and tell me I'm hardened steel

I got little to say but way too much to feel

========================================

To:

==========================================

Little To Say

I've got little to say, nothin' to add, that hasn't been said before

Like when the preacher gets caught shouting oh  God

'cause he's been caught with his pants on the floor

Like I said, 'nothen' that ain't been said before....

========================================

Just a thought.

Rick

[rsadasiv]

Song title I'm thinking about today:

The Last Time I Saw Him He Was Vogueing Down The Middle Of Halsted Street

[Monkey Uncle]

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Lee Knight wrote:
Those false rhymes don't come naturally to me Ryan, that's ^^^ awesome. Thanks, I'll mess with those.. But now, I think... I'm feeling the Idiot
 
Memoirs of an Idiot
V1
If anybody can take a sweet thing, pick it up and turn it right sour
Spoil the simmering broth trying to thicken it with flour
It's me brother, it's me, it's true, I concede
Sit back put your feet up, take your time and read
It's all in there, I've been completely fair, you'll feel the truth of it in your gut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 
V2
I was born with middle class privilege, in the suburbs of LA
Fighting tooth and nail was just a game my friends would play
With trash can lids as Roman shields and oranges from our trees
Eating from our arsenal that was supposed to bury our enemy
With no real need to move ahead, to strive and make the cut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 
B
Don't be too hard on your self
She whispered to me
What are your options
Excuses and self pity?
Don't be too hard on your self
She whispered and then she said out loud...
And don't be too hard on me
 

V3
If anyone could have so much, yet fail to see their fortune
Wake up every morning only seeing it as torture
It's me brother, it's me, it's true, I concede
Sit back put your feet up, take your time and read
It's all in there, I've been completely fair, you'll feel the truth of it in your gut
Enjoy my latest release... Memoirs of an Idiot
 

---

I like the title, but I would have gone in a whole different direction with the lyric.  Bitter, cynical, and sarcastic instead of playing the innocent bumbler...

And what's up with the   crap?  Is there some character that the forum software can't recognize?

[Lee Knight]

huh, I'm not sure what's up with those characters. It doesn't really matter though because I'm not too into that ^ ^ ^ direction either. I'm actually liking this idea below the best I think. Modern Country Pop,

Little To Say (way too much to feel)

I've got little to say, nothin' to add, that hasn't been said before

Words are wasted as they feather to the floor

Don't look at me and tell me I'm only hardened steel

I got little to say but way too much to feel

[nat whilk II]

Rhyme for "shovel" is hovel of course.  A little archaic, but it works.

Yeah, I also have a "Nothing To Say" song in mind.  But mine's a travesty-type thing.   Huge ballad, big gushy tune with DX7 elp, strings, and a big one-note ridiculous guitar "solo" with a full compliment of grimacing facial contortions.  Nothing To Say as the tag line.  

All the rest of the lyrics expanding on that by saying basically nothing and saying it with so much feeeeeling.

nat whilk ii

[oldgitplayer]

And so to near rhymes........

The moment you smelt trouble

You disappeared at the double

And left me stuck / holding the shovel

[Lee Knight]

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oldgitplayer wrote:

And so to near rhymes........

The moment you smelt trouble

You disappeared at the double

And left me stuck / holding the shovel

---

Those are great! double trouble bubble stubble

the b and v are very close, I like that.

how you doing on that 2nd verse of Corner?

[oldgitplayer]

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Lee Knight wrote:

how you doing on that 2nd verse of Corner?

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I put it on the back-burner and have been doing major gardening work while you were swanning around at NAMM.

As you know - sometimes a bit of distance from something can go a long way.

[Lee Knight]

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oldgitplayer wrote:

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Lee Knight wrote:

how you doing on that 2nd verse of Corner?

---

I put it on the back-burner and have been doing major gardening work while you were swanning around at NAMM.

As you know - sometimes a bit of distance from something can go a long way.

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absotively posilutely!

[Monkey Uncle]

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Lee Knight wrote:

huh, I'm not sure what's up with those characters. It doesn't really matter though because I'm not too into that ^ ^ ^ direction either. I'm actually liking this idea below the best I think. Modern Country Pop,

Little To Say (way too much to feel)

I've got little to say, nothin' to add, that hasn't been said before

Words are wasted as they feather to the floor

Don't look at me and tell me I'm only hardened steel

I got little to say but way too much to feel

---

This pretty much describes where I am with my songwriting right now.  I came up with a halfway decent title recently, but have been struggling to flesh it out.  I sat down with it and noodled on the guitar the other night - nothing.  Then, on Sunday afternoon, I sat down with my paper, pencil, and rhyming dictionary.  Wrote down three mediocre lines and promptly fell asleep.

But getting back to your lyric, I like everything but the 'hardened steel' line.  That phrase is falling flat for me.  But the last line is good, so maybe look for another word that rhymes with 'feel'?

[Monkey Uncle]

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nat whilk II wrote:

Rhyme for "shovel" is hovel of course.  A little archaic, but it works.

Yeah, I also have a "Nothing To Say" song in mind.  But mine's a travesty-type thing.   Huge ballad, big gushy tune with DX7 elp, strings, and a big one-note ridiculous guitar "solo" with a full compliment of grimacing facial contortions.  Nothing To Say as the tag line.  

All the rest of the lyrics expanding on that by saying basically nothing and saying it with so much feeeeeling.

nat whilk ii

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