Songwriting Workshop

[TTognaci]

The writing of this song has undergone many changes to get to this point. I can't be too worried with the recording.....getting better seems to take a lot of time. I've never thrown it out to any of you here at Harmony....and, as always, get feed back here that I just don't get anywhere else! Thanks in advance for any and all comments. -Tom

"Not That Kind Of Man"
by Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10850743

I
I heard my little girl crying late last night
And I would be lying if I said I thought her boyfriend was Mr. Right
I thought to tell her, “Just get him out of your head!”
But, I asked my daughter this instead…

…How many miles would he walk with you,
If the going gets tough?
Would he run from a little rain,
If the weather gets rough?
Would he offer you his coat for comfort,
If the night starts to get cold?

How many ways will he tell you the same things
That you need to hear?
And how many ways will he tell you that he loves you,
‘till you finally understand?
Well, I can tell you little princess
He’s not that kind of man


II
I heard my baby crying late last night
And I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me want to fight
I felt the heat rise up around my head
But I kept my cool and asked instead…

…Would it break his back to make a living,
To be a family man?
Could he climb back in the saddle,
Not knowing if he can?
Is he the man that will buck the bronco
Or, just a rodeo-ing clown?

How many ways will he tell you the same things
That you need to hear?
And how many ways will he tell you that he loves you
Over and over again?
Well, I can tell you little princess
He’s not that kind of man

[ShadowsofBirds]

Mm, a fellow resident of the pacific ocean. Aloha and such.
My 20cts:

Lyrically -
First Impression of Verse I: Aww...
First Impression of Verse II: "Baby" made me think significant other.. which made me think the second verse was going to be introspective.
It took till the end of the verse before I realized I was confused and that it wasn't a shift in subject.

Second impression of Verse I: Aww..
Second impression of Verse II: Aww..

Performance and Arrangement-wise it sounds good to me.

Recording quality-wise it's a functional demo - the only thing I might change personally is that the lead guitar had a bit too much bite on my speakers. But it's probably still within the realm of the subjective.

[rickidoo]

I think this is a highly creative and enjoyable song. I may have commented on MUSE but if not...

What I like most about it is how the lyrics draw you into the story without it being head on. That whole asking questions thing "…How many miles would he walk with you, If the going gets tough? " instead of making statements is what makes this song to me. It's so much more powerful than simply making statements like "he won't stick by you when the going get's tough."

I've just tucked the idea of approaching the message with questions rather than answers in my pocket. That's not a copyright violation I hope. :-)

Good tune, too.

Rick

[grace_slick]

Yeah, I agree with Ricki. I love the asking questions style of this song...I also find that the title line "He's not that kind of man" really fits well in the song and ties everything together (even if it wasn't the title).

[rsadasiv]

I've struggled with this subject matter myself, and the only thought I can pass along is that it is very easy to slip entirely to one side on the narrative and land too hard on the judgmental while missing the opportunity for empathetic insight.

The daughter sees something in him - what do you think that is?

[Lee Knight]

I can't listen right now but I absolutely love the lyric. I'd offer only one change. From "He’s not that kind of man" to "Is he that kind of man?"

I think, as Ram above points out, it's easy for your audience to outright dismiss your statement because, after all, you're so close. So the listener ends up thinking about something you're not really intending. "He's just an over reacting dad." But by continuing the questions, you give your daughter the credit she deserves, and you the credit you deserve. You are her protector. Not his competition. So ask her, "Is he that kind of man?" And let her decide. But I agree with you, he clearly is not.

…How many miles would he walk with you,
If the going gets tough?
Would he run from a little rain,
If the weather gets rough?
Would he offer you his coat for comfort,
If the night starts to get cold?

How many ways will he tell you the same things
That you need to hear?
And how many ways will he tell you that he loves you,
‘till you finally understand?
Ask yourself, little princess
Is he that kind of man?

[LeonardScaper]

Originally Posted by Lee Knight

I'd offer only one change. From "He’s not that kind of man" to "Is he that kind of man?"

I think that's a great idea.

Let her make her own decision based on your advise.

It's a good song.

[grace_slick]

I don't know about the above suggestion to change the end line to another question. To me, it's a nice contrast to have all those questions asked and then BAM! An actual statement comes in and finalises things. I liked that, and if it IS what you want to convey in the song - that somehow you KNOW he's not that kind of man and you're only asking those questions of your daughter because you want HER to answer them herself and come to the same conclusion, then that's fine.

However, if the meaning you're more interested in getting across is actually that you DON'T know if he's that kind of man but you just FEAR he's not good enough (as pretty much every father does about their daughters), then changing that line to a question is good and you have my approval. LOL

[RickDieffenbach]

I'd keep it as it is, with "He’s not that kind of man", I feel it punctuates the song well... as grace said in the previous post. A series of questions... without an answer... to another question just doesn't feel right.

My 2 cents. 10 cents if you count the interest to China.

Rick

[TTognaci]

-Hey there Shadowsbird......and Aloha!!!! Do you know any of the Ibanez (there are variences in the spelling) family?
Anyways..thanks for listening and commenting....and Aww is wonderful! Thanks. The lyric was written on the bedside of my tearing little ficticious girl ;-)
And the guitar is something I absolutely love.....but I do receive many doubts on the volume and tone....I'm not sure, yet, as to how to handle it. Thanks....... -Tom

[rhino55]

I think it's great.

The only thing I'd consider changing is 'princess,' probably my own personal hangup.

[TTognaci]

-Hey there Rickidoo....I am really pleased you like the lyric....thanks for listening and commenting!!
-Tom

-And thank you, as well, Leo, for the encourgement!!
-Tom

[TTognaci]

Originally Posted by grace_slick

I don't know about the above suggestion to change the end line to another question. To me, it's a nice contrast to have all those questions asked and then BAM! An actual statement comes in and finalises things. I liked that, and if it IS what you want to convey in the song - that somehow you KNOW he's not that kind of man and you're only asking those questions of your daughter because you want HER to answer them herself and come to the same conclusion, then that's fine.

However, if the meaning you're more interested in getting across is actually that you DON'T know if he's that kind of man but you just FEAR he's not good enough (as pretty much every father does about their daughters), then changing that line to a question is good and you have my approval. LOL

Hi Grace...first off, I'd like to thank you for the Kudo's (they can be really under rated) ;-)

And although Lee's prospective is a fresh one, and note worthy.....I am happy with the story's layout and punch lines....thanks for commenting Grace!! -Tom

[TTognaci]

Hi Lee....thanks sooo much for commenting!! It is really appreciated. That's a good idea you have from a diffrent prospective...interesting....but, I am partial to the layout of the story as I have it. I'm coming from the angle that I know this dude, and don't like him.......but, for my daughter's sake, I must be respectful and gentle.
Thanks again........-Tom

[TTognaci]

Hey there Rick....so nice to hear from you!! And thanks for the listen and comment!
And I think we should return our politicians to China for a full refund...(or maybe for full credit)

Thanks again!! -Tom

[TTognaci]

Hi Rino55.....thanks for listening and commenting........but, I really like princess....she's a princess to me, anyways!! ;-)

Thanks again...... -Tom

[TTognaci]

Originally Posted by rsadasiv

I've struggled with this subject matter myself, and the only thought I can pass along is that it is very easy to slip entirely to one side on the narrative and land too hard on the judgmental while missing the opportunity for empathetic insight.

The daughter sees something in him - what do you think that is?

Hi Rsadasiv..........Thanks for listening and commenting...........well, she's probably like many young girls....she see's a pretty face....a beautiful smile....a wild, fun thing......and all the external qualities that send a young butterfly swooning.....I guess!
Thanks again..... -Tom