03-31-2012 05:50 AM
[youtube]YOnYuF2gXig[/youtube] Verse 1 You see her and she's sex See me dropping that jaw I loved her 'cause she looked like a chore. I tried to trust, I got her this diamond, platinum pure, then found her fucking my friend on the floor Pre-Chorus 1 I hate it how she's making my head spin. But the lover that she laid she then left him I guess that then we move to the next thing the next thing the next thing Short Bridge She'll cry and whinge. We'll fight, she'll win. Chorus but our future is foul, I can't leave 'cause now I'm staring down the barrel of lasers. And I don't know how I will leave her now. I'm solid as a rock but she's paper. Yes, our future is foul, I can't leave 'cause now I'm staring down the barrel of lasers This 'ent fun, honey bun. what have I done, to stare down at the barrel of your laser gun? Gun gun gun Verse 2 You see her and she's sex See me try and ignore the times she'd go and act like a chore. I tried to trust, I love her, then found him fucking her raw. Some things, they never will never change but I'm bored. Pre-Chorus 2 I hate it how she's making my head spin. I'll envision everything we have ending. But then we'll go and move to the next thing the next thing the next thing (Short Bridge) (Chorus) Middle eight but future's are frightening the rock stays still in its time. Live with thunder and lightning the night brings the storm, I... Pre-Chorus 3 I hate it how she's making my head spin. But I'll make believe and chase happy endings And now we'll go and move to the next thing the next thing the next thing (Short Bridge) (Chorus)
I'm thinking of changing it to something like "But our future is fucked and it's just my luck. I'm staring down the barrel of lasers. She will stare and I'm stuck Yes, it's just my luck. I'm solid as a rock but she's paper."
03-31-2012 01:37 PM
03-31-2012 02:39 PM
First, cheers on managing to avoid the all-too-obvious W rhyme with floor and chore. I'm thinking, given the topic, that that might still work for a different kind of 'ghost rhyme' in many listener's mind. More bang for the buck. Er... that may be a poor choice of phrases, given the givens.
(I noticed you said the explict part was starred out -- but I think you forgot to do the starring out. But, as long as you got the warning in the title, that's fine. I did change the title to reflect the unstarred-out reality.)
Anyhow, it's a bit disjointed -- but, hey, nothing necessarily wrong with that in pop music, as long as it all works somehow as a whole, although I guess some doubt on that front is why I mention it.
Now, I like the partial rhyme of paper/laser -- but, call me an old crabby guy, but I worry that talking about laser guns seems like it might have some potential to limit your audience to teenage boys and those who haven't quite made the transition to adult concerns. (Yes, I do understand that the Navy says we're about 4 years away from being able to put laser weapons on our ships. I'm just thinking that it's an image with baggage problems.)
That said, if it's intended to be a high energy rock tune, teen males are probably a huge part of the potential audience. And, for that matter, if it was intended as a dubstep or club pop track, it seems to me that lyrics in those songs are pretty well an afterthought for everyone from the kids on the floor to the people scribbling down the typically insipid rhymes and worn phrases that form the lyrics of so much dance/club pop.
04-04-2012 03:42 PM
04-04-2012 04:21 PM
So if we put "explicit" in the subject line that means we can post tunes with suggestive lyrics? Awesome!
04-19-2012 07:55 PM
04-20-2012 05:00 AM
04-21-2012 08:20 AM
04-22-2012 09:43 AM
04-22-2012 12:17 PM
I like that. The song is very creative. It reminds me, in a way, of the Bonzos*. It's got a similar theatrical, rock-meets-English-music-hall feel. LCK *The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band (Neil Innes & Vivian Stanshall).
I added a rough recording of it - if you wanna have a go. "She will stare and I'm stuck and it's just my luck. I'm solid as a rock but she's paper."
04-22-2012 06:54 PM
Thanks, guys. For some reason most things I do end up sounding like some kind of theatrical punk ;p What would you say about the hookiness/ lyrical message of the song? Also, LCK, is the 'our future's fucked' not to your liking due to you feeling the swearing is lyrically inappropriate here or are you not a fan of cursing all together?
Music is cool as hell!!.... mad mix of pop/punk/craziness
04-26-2012 06:06 AM
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