Songwriting Workshop

[stickboymusic]

Hello

It's been a while and Illinois Jack posted some lyrics that seem to have perked the interest of a few people here.

I thought I'd make it an official challenge.

Lyrics. (i'm sure he doesn't mind if you alter slightly to fit.)

©2012 Jack Deremiah


v
Redwing blackbird sittin’ on a fence
His whole life makes perfect sense
Eat when you can, sing when you might
Fly all day; sleep all night
v
Old red truck, runnin down the road
Bent and swayed without no load
Wired on door, colored with rust
Coughin and cryin’ and kicking up dust

c
There’s that moon again
Followed me all the way here
There’s that moon again
Hangin real low
Where ever I go
There’s that moon again

v
Big old moo-cow standing in the grass
Lookin’ at me sayin’ “kiss my ass”
Chewin’ in the sunshine, swishin’ in the shade
Big old moo-cow got it made
v
Used to have a dog, a dog named Ted
Only had one trick, lying in bed
Used to yell at Ted to get out of my way
When old Ted died I cried all day

c
There’s that moon again
Followed me all the way home
There’s that moon again
Hangin real low
Where ever I go
There’s that moon again

v
Me and that moon got history
I know him, he knows me
Ain’t no blue cheese, ain’t no air
I know that cause I been there
v
Ain’t much a man can count upon
But that old moon keeps gettin’ along
Ain’t no nova, ain’t no star
Me and that moon are just what we are

c
There’s that moon again
Followed me all the way home
There’s that moon again
Shining so bright
Waking up the night
There’s that moon again

Entries so far (feel free to update these one shot recordings if you wish)

Blue 2 Blue

https://www.box.com/s/a003dab7a3034d1074cc

rsadasiv

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=968997&songID=11803366&showPlayer=true

LCK

http://picosong.com/wSn8/

Chriscarnucci

http://vom.infocusreviews.com/index.php?p=play&id=chriscarnucci/That_Moon.mp3

Shortchord

http://soundcloud.com/shortchord/theres-that-moon-again-1

RickDieffenbach

http://www.rickdieffenbach.com/songplay.aspx?ID=82

Lee Knight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYtOkQ8n5dA&feature=player_embedded

Bee3

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1156187&songID=11811523&showPlayer=true

Marshal

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11817524&q=hi&newref=1


Please join in.

[IllinoisJack]

Some VERY strong contenders here. This is more fun than I'm allowed. I have to go hit myself with a hammer now. brb.

[LCK]

Cool idea, Stick. Are you going to participate? LCK

[shortchord]

Awesome idea. I had to make sure to write my song before listening to any of the others, but here it is: http://soundcloud.com/shortchord/theres-that-moon-again

Some VERY strong contenders here. This is more fun than I'm allowed. I have to go hit myself with a hammer now. brb.

I have to say: you write lyrics that are easy to put a tune to.

[blue2blue]

Oh, man, if Stick's 'competing,' I'm not gonna stick around and get beat up further. LCK already delivered a really nice improvement on my now humbled effort. Seriously, cool Challenge! I'm listening to shortchord's version. A little more on the gentle folkie side. Nice. :thu: It's fun seeing what you came up with separately. LCK had built on a couple elements in my version, but made some very nice improvements. Interesting to see a pretty different musical take on the lyrics.

[LCK]

shortchord's version. Nice. :thu:

Agreed. LCK

[RickDieffenbach]

I had a lot of fun playing with this. This was done very quickly. And, ah... I may have ripped some songs off. Not purposely, just did this quickly. Jack - just wanted to say - I absolutely loved your lyrics. Superb. Redwing Blackbird

[LCK]

Hey Rick, I love what you did with the chorus. Really cool idea. LCK

[Lee Knight]

WHAT A FUN IDEA!!! OK, my verse is definitely ripped from something, but it might fly if I were to consciously rework the melody around that same rhythm. The chorus is kinda interesting though. Maybe. I added a line doe-c-doe for temp filler, it felt like it wanted a group of 3 there for my treatment.

Anyway... you've guys have been busy! So here's my rush job. 15 minutes after reading the lyric and challenge. Man, you guys are quick!

[video=youtube;JYtOkQ8n5dA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYtOkQ8n5dA&feature=youtu.be[/video]

[Lee Knight]

I didn't listen to any before I did mine. Boy, everybody's is really good. It's funny how similar they are, all of ours, in some respects. Very cool idea.

[LCK]

WHAT A FUN IDEA!!! OK, my verse is definitely ripped from something, but it might fly if I were to consciously rework the melody around that same rhythm. The chorus is kinda interesting though. Maybe. I added a line doe-c-doe for temp filler, it felt like it wanted a group of 3 there for my treatment.

Fabulous. You knocked it out of the park! Man, I need to take guitar lessons... LCK

[IllinoisJack]

So many creative people here. So many great musical ideas. I don't want to single anyone out for fear of slighting someone - suffice it to say - this is one of the greatest experiences I've had (musically). You guys blow me away. Great ideas, things I NEVER would have thought of. Thank you all. I am humbled.

[rsadasiv]

Lee Knight wins on stage patter. Rick D. wins for full-on arrangement. shortchord sounded least like I thought he would. chris c has the mellowest version. I still like Blue2Blue and LCK's versions. It's interesting to hear all these different approaches to the same lyric. :thu:

[shortchord]

I threw a couple of arrangement ideas on my track: http://soundcloud.com/shortchord/theres-that-moon-again-1

[LCK]

I threw a couple of arrangement ideas on my track: http://soundcloud.com/shortchord/theres-that-moon-again-1

I really like it. Once again, I feel the need to take guitar lessons... LCK

[rsadasiv]

I threw a couple of arrangement ideas on my track: http://soundcloud.com/shortchord/theres-that-moon-again-1

Sweet.

[rsadasiv]

I really like it. Once again, I feel the need to take guitar lessons... LCK

Ironically, today I signed up to start taking guitar lessons again.

[RickDieffenbach]

When I woke up this morning, I played all of the songs, including mine. Mine - I absolutely cringed when i heard it. The vocals were so pitchy. Geez. I think I have fixed that now. I also rebalanced, added some accents, and added some sfx. Blue - Liken it. Almost early James Taylor. I think it could have been slightly slower for more emotional appeal. Nice. SA - I really love the chorus. The verse melody is pretty good too. LCK - superb. You ooze talent. And that chorus. Absolutely perfect. Lordy. Chris - What a beautiful lulible like song. Of all the songs I've heard so far in this set, I could easily hear your version in some movie. Short - Nice country tune. Love the guitar. I was particularly intriqued with the chorus. And the arrangement really builds nicely. Well done. Lee - The second in this set with a flavor of James Taylor. Of all the songs, yours seems to me to be the most sing-along-able. I could also see your version, with some slight changes to the lyrics, becoming a childrens song. BRAVO to all. Also a thanks to Stick for posting this songwriting-muscle-building challenge. Rick

[blue2blue]

A FORMAL NOTE FROM THE MODERATOR: Before Jack makes any final decisions regarding his 'musical suitors,' I thought it was important to note that the forum rules have been modified to make a formal distinction between soliciting critique/feedback in a critique thread and those seeking a full collaboration. Here is the newly amended rule in question:

• Suggestions become property of the songwriter[SIZE=1] where applicable[/SIZE] Suggestions or contributions made to a song or composition in a critique thread should be considered a gift to the songwriter/composer and automatically become his or her intellectual property. Those seeking collaboration opportunities should consider the work of others as belonging to its creators until a formal private arrangement is made.

[stickboymusic]

Suggestions or contributions made to a song or composition in a critique thread should be considered a gift to the songwriter/composer and automatically become his or her intellectual property. Those seeking collaboration opportunities should consider the work of others as belonging to its creators until a formal private arrangement is made.

You will hear from my lawyers soon!! I like it... it's getting heavy in here.