Open Jam

[Cougarsinger]

I'm mostly a lurker on this board but post occassionally.  However, I'm embarrassed by how upset I was by this, so I’m posting from a throwaway account. 

[Deleting long whiny post about being invited to sing somwhere, sitting around waiting my turn for a few hours, and then time running out so I didn't have the chance to sing after all.]

Original long story now made short:

A sort of friend was putting together a new type of gig at a local bar, meant to be a monthly event.  The first part of the evening would be a performance by his band.  The second part would be an invite-only open mic/hootenanny/variety show thing where “guests” would either join the band or perform by themselves.  I'm not sure even he was 100% clear on how that would work, exactly.  The third part would be a jam circle.

A couple of weeks before the first time he ever did this, the guy specifically invited me to perform a couple of pieces during the second part.  I agreed, and worked hard to make sure I’d be ready.  Meanwhile, a lot more people signed on.  When the actual day arrived, the order of performances was confused and the amount of time needed to change over between groups took far longer than the organizer anticipated.  

After waiting my turn in excess of three hours (though in fairness, I wasn’t expecting to be performing anytime in the first hour), eschewing alcohol & ready to sing, with things running long they decided to end “part two” a bit after midnight with some of us still waiting to do our bit, in favor of the part three jam circle.  There was no word of apology at the time.  I was upset, but I’m letting it go. :-)  At this point, I’m convinced it was simply bad planning by the organizer.

It could have been worse.   Another of the women they didn’t have time for had four or five coworkers there that she’d invited to come out to hear her sing, who sat there for hours for nothing.  At least I was spared that embarrassment!

[Bandard]

Welcome to the music biz.

You will see and hear many stories unfortunately typical of yours. I have driven hours to arrive at PAYING gigs to find that I was not playing that night, as the singer booked the wrong night. Didn't get paid, etc. Disappointed amateurs and disappointed professionals all get it up the ___ all the time because of lack of respect and typical boneheaded **bleep**.

For you to enjoy yourself, you are going to have to not take it seriously at all, and laugh it off, and come back around and try it somewhere else.  It is what it is.

[The EAKLE]

Sounds like a really bad case of poor organization. The organizer got more than he anticipated and wasn't able to manage it all. And that ended up pissing some people off.

What he should have done is have a first come, first serve sort of deal. Set up a few slots for bigger bands and let amateurs and smaller acts fill in the others as the accepted the offer. A lot of better wags he could have handled the situation.

[El Cruncho]

Bad organization. Why not let the amateurs first?

[Pine Apple Slim]

I would let him know in no uncertain terms that I did not appreciate the rude treatment and wasting of my time.
You don't invite someone to perform and then ignore them and expect them to remain a friend and supporter.

[Cougarsinger]

Thanks all, for your comments.  Especially Bandard, for helping me keep my sense of perspective.  I'm pretty sure the guy honestly was in over his head, and I'm just being whiny.  

I'm not going to let it spoil my fun!

[Kazinator]

Most people cannot sing (and, worse, they don't know it). Nobody wants to hear a bunch of crooners get up there one by one and do their off-scale mating calls.

It's different if you're a designated opening act.

The standard order of things is: optional opening act, main act, and then optional jam session with random people. There are good reasons for that: people who don't want to hear that last thing can just finish their drinks and go home, which also creates a more relaxed atmosphere.

Now, you may be a good singer and even acknowledged by members the band who is playing, but you're still lumped with all the others. Being lumped with others is how it is. Even if you stand out from those others,  takes time to shed those others.

Whoever is running the show might have wanted the band to keep playing until later and postponed the open mic session.

If you don't want to be postponed to the open mic session at end, you have to become an opening act or a main act.

[thankyou]

Sadly, I've seen this kind of thing happen a number of times.  Last night, I was at a jam that went off quite well, though the crowd was thinning out and a lot of people who signed up didn't play.  I'm no longer gigging, as we lost our drummer to cancer and probably won't replace him.  It's a complicated situation for us.  Anyway, I've been snubbed at jams and open mics for unknown reasons.  I have tended recently to just bring my horn and play along and add fills.  I have a repertoire of stuff I sing and play on guitar and keys, but there are so many players who want to do that, it's more likely I'll get a chance on horn.

One band I tried playing with was using detuned guitars.  I'm pretty good at transposing, but a half step into Eb is a struggle.

A friend of mine, an accomplished pro, has run jams in several venues over the years.  I don't know how he does it - the whole ego thing would make it nearly impossible for me to manage.

[braif]

---

Cougarsinger wrote:

Thanks all, for your comments.  Especially Bandard, for helping me keep my sense of perspective.  I'm pretty sure the guy honestly was in over his head, and I'm just being whiny.  

I'm not going to let it spoil my fun!

---

I admire your attitude about it.  I can't blame you for feeling put off by it all, but  I guess getting mad and acting out isn't going to get you invited on stage any more or any quicker, and carrying a grudge just weighs YOU down.  

[Bandard]

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Cougarsinger wrote:

Thanks all, for your comments.  Especially Bandard, for helping me keep my sense of perspective.  I'm pretty sure the guy honestly was in over his head, and I'm just being whiny.  

I'm not going to let it spoil my fun!

---

Babe.

You should have left in the rave. So may people here could relate. And it probably was cathartic.

You'vr got to get around and be a music **bleep** and try to play lots of places and believe nothing any musician tells you. Unless, of course he tells you about his day job.  Being a musician somehow gives you license to be irresponsible, have poor communication skills, disorganized, bad with money, and disrespectful.

[Cougarsinger]

---

Kazinator wrote:

<snip>

Now, you may be a good singer and even acknowledged by members the band who is playing, but you're still lumped with all the others. Being lumped with others is how it is. Even if you stand out from those others,  takes time to shed those others.

Whoever is running the show might have wanted the band to keep playing until later and postponed the open mic session.

If you don't want to be postponed to the open mic session at end, you have to become an opening act or a main act.

---

Just to be clear, I can sing. You will just have to take my word for it here on the internet. :-)  And the organizer guy has told me many times that he thinks I'm good and should be heard more.  (I only trust this so far of course.)

I probably shouldn't have deleted the rant, because it provided detail, but it was just embarassingly whiny.  The invite-only open mic/hootenany part wasn't postponed, the order of players just got screwed up & it ran longer than expected.  

Part of the reason folks like me got relegated to the end was that many of the other people who showed up had come from some distance away (several from over two hours away from a neighboring state), while I happen to live closer.  On top of it, and there were people who showed up that the organizer hadn't been expecting and felt beholden to.

It wasn't so much being cut that was so disappointing, as I mentioned in my now-deleted whiny rant, it was that I sat there for hours waiting my turn, and the order of events kept changing on the fly, and I felt that my time was sort of being wasted.  Had he said when I walked in "plan has changed, there's no time for you" I would have been fine with it.  Or even after the first hour or so, by then he should have know what was going on.  (None of the rest of us knew how many groups even were performing.)  But he didn't, or he was too optimistic, or something.

However, you are likely 100% right that I got lumped in with the "others."  It does take work to differentiate oneself, and these folks don't know me.  So it goes.

Meh.  I'm off to play my guitar.  Again, thank you all for your words of wisdom!

[braif]

---

Bandard wrote:

 Being a musician somehow gives you license to be irresponsible, have poor communication skills, disorganized, bad with money, and disrespectful.

---

Dammit

I knew I should been a musician

[Cougarsinger]

Bandard wrote:

<snip>

You should have left in the rave. So may people here could relate. And it probably was cathartic.

You'vr got to get around and be a music **bleep** and try to play lots of places and believe nothing any musician tells you. Unless, of course he tells you about his day job.  Being a musician somehow gives you license to be irresponsible, have poor communication skills, disorganized, bad with money, and disrespectful.

---

I put some details back in so folks know what this thread was about, but it was just too whiny to let it be.

In the final analysis, I think what went wrong is that I did let myself care about it too much.  That's why it's all so embarassing.  And the organizer guy?  Next time I know not to trust his organizational skills. :-)

[Pigger]

There's a lot of flakes out there in the music whirled, but also some decent folks.

Hang in there & keep trying. Be confidant, or at least act confidant.

[Bandard]

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Pigger wrote:

There's a lot of flakes out there in the music whirled, but also some decent folks.

---

see - Pigger is a musician - lying sack o **bleep**.

[Mikeo]

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Bandard wrote:

---

Pigger wrote:

There's a lot of flakes out there in the music whirled, but also some decent folks.

---

see - Pigger is a musician - lying sack o **bleep**.

---

I have called myself a guitar player more than once. 

[Bandard]

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Mikeo wrote:

---

Bandard wrote:

---

Pigger wrote:

There's a lot of flakes out there in the music whirled, but also some decent folks.

---

see - Pigger is a musician - lying sack o **bleep**.

---

I have called myself a guitar player more than once. 

---

another guy I wouldn't trust with my seester - if I had one.

[isaac42]

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Cougarsinger wrote: ...and there were people who showed up that the organizer hadn't been expecting and felt beholden to.

---

And that right there was the problem, IMO. Either it's invite-only, or it's not.

[Humble Pie]

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Cougarsinger wrote:

I'm mostly a lurker on this board but post occassionally.  However, I'm embarrassed by how upset I was by this, so I’m posting from a throwaway account. 

[Deleting long whiny post about being invited to sing somwhere, sitting around waiting my turn for a few hours, and then time running out so I didn't have the chance to sing after all.]

Original long story now made short:

A sort of friend was putting together a new type of gig at a local bar, meant to be a monthly event.  The first part of the evening would be a performance by his band.  The second part would be an invite-only open mic/hootenanny/variety show thing where “guests” would either join the band or perform by themselves.  I'm not sure even he was 100% clear on how that would work, exactly.  The third part would be a jam circle.

A couple of weeks before the first time he ever did this, the guy specifically invited me to perform a couple of pieces during the second part.  I agreed, and worked hard to make sure I’d be ready.  Meanwhile, a lot more people signed on.  When the actual day arrived, the order of performances was confused and the amount of time needed to change over between groups took far longer than the organizer anticipated.  

After waiting my turn in excess of three hours (though in fairness, I wasn’t expecting to be performing anytime in the first hour), eschewing alcohol & ready to sing, with things running long they decided to end “part two” a bit after midnight with some of us still waiting to do our bit, in favor of the part three jam circle.  There was no word of apology at the time.  I was upset, but I’m letting it go. :-)  At this point, I’m convinced it was simply bad planning by the organizer.

It could have been worse.   Another of the women they didn’t have time for had four or five coworkers there that she’d invited to come out to hear her sing, who sat there for hours for nothing.  At least I was spared that embarrassment!

---

Your first mistake was not getting drunk immediately. Then everything else would have been forgotten, including that painful jam-band nonsense. Worst stuff ever, pure hippie fodder.