Originally Posted by Kramerguy
However, when you express it in the manner you have - how do you reconcile the "I do whatever the hell I want" with the "...that's not a relationship, it's a dictatorship" comment?
If my wife took the "I do whatever the hell I want. If he give me any lip, he's welcome to leave" approach - I'd certainly view THAT as dictatorial in it's own right.
I'm 31 and live with my girlfriend of just shy of a year, and when we met, I didn't have a gig slated for a month, which was nice: gave me more time with her. But I told her "I gig 2-3 times a month" and so far, that hasn't been an issue at all. The key for me is that I never ask of her to go to a show unless "it's a big gig," at which point I tell her well in advance so she can skip other ones.
It doesn't hurt that she's my age, likes the music, dancing, etc - very friendly and supportive, too. She has fun hanging with the crowd and gets along with everybody, including the bar staff and my bandmates. I really got lucky, frankly.
But yeah, I would never push her to come to a show for the heck of it. This is MY job and hobby, not hers. Sure, it's awesome when she's there, but not every couple needs to share the passion for music.
For example, my bassist buddy's wife probably comes to 2 gigs a year. It's his thing, not hers, but she supports him fully and doesn't give him junk for it -- she does the same thing with her weekly "girls night" she still has.
SpaceNorman wrote:I understand your point - and agree 100% that nobody should be controlled by another.Originally Posted by Kramerguy
However, when you express it in the manner you have - how do you reconcile the "I do whatever the hell I want" with the "...that's not a relationship, it's a dictatorship" comment?
If my wife took the "I do whatever the hell I want. If he give me any lip, he's welcome to leave" approach - I'd certainly view THAT as dictatorial in it's own right.
Yeah, I may have come off harsh there, but this is a topic that drives me nuts. I've dealt with controlling women my whole life, and when I finally stood up and declared my independence of individuality, it was the most gratifying and refreshing experiences in my life, and I'm never, ever, going to allow a woman to dictate how I run what I consider to be "my" life.
My philosophy since then has been that yes, people get married, they join their lives together, but the individuals never died- your wife is PART of your life, and if you find the balance between your life and your life together is not even, then you are no longer having a life, you are living as a servant and a slave to her dictatorship. It's a partnership. One that shouldn't seek to control or dominate you.
It's also a given, that I'm pretty intolerant of BS from women anymore. I don't like the head games, tests, and passive aggressive **bleep** (OMG they bleeped the work C R A P !) they dish out on a daily basis. I know many women who agree, and tell me how much they are'nt like other women, and I know... yes- they are. I can count on one hand how many women I know personally who don't fall into that category. They are a very rare exception to the general rule.
I'm not bitter 
Just a well-informed, cynical realist.
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