way2fat

I'll post one: Did a gig upstate some years ago. A chick I'd met there the previous year saw we were gonna be playing and came down .... she flashes me from the audience, and after the set comes backstage and rips her panties off and lands in my lap! Unfortunately, my girlfriend (soon to be wife) was there.... it has a great deal to do with why she doesn't like the idea of me going on the road anymore. Women are selfish.

I curtsy deeply to you, sir. Always a pleasure, ma'am. Well written story, BTW, I enjoyed reading it. Tell the ladies that they're missing out if they forget the Bass player.

Oh, I do appreciate Kevin Shields. I don't understand the why's, how's, and wherefores, but I know he builds beautiful landscapes. When I saw "Lost In Translation", I knew immediately it was him I heard. Regarding being a giver, the world can never have enough of, nor celebrate adequately, the men who truly enjoy that. Thank you. Thank you vury much. It warms a dude's heart to know that his 38 years of dedication to that noble cause are recognized and appreciated.

Originally posted by cooterbrown Indeed. I think bald is the most aestheticly pleasing. Reminds me too much of changing diapers.

Originally posted by cooterbrown I've been down there enough to not need a guide. We're talking aesthetics here.

Originally posted by cooterbrown +1 It's not the pre-pubescent fantasy thing...that's just wrong. I just like the way bare skin looks. You don't want her to raise her arm and see a patch of weeds, do you? Or go swimming with her if she hasn't shaved her legs? Same thing...I don't want to go down to do my chores and see a whisker biscuit poking out from behind her panties. I respectfully disagree, sir. A neatly trimmed goatee appears as a beacon, pointing the way to That Place To Which, Like Salmon, We Must Always Return.

Originally posted by Devius Ah, that one, right. Well, next time I'll just take advantage of whatever girls come across me. Personally I like shaved girls. I don't really like the whole 1970s bush-thing. It's a lot nicer to give head to a girl when you don't need to wade through all that hair and pick your teeth afterwards. Me, I think there is a happy medium, they look illegal when they're shaved.

Originally posted by Devius Actually I don't, being a non-native English speaker. How does the rest of the saying go then? Ah. The saying is actually: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Bush is also a slang term for The Good Stuff, although these days it seems that most of the bushes have been shaved. What's up with that anyway? I expect to be behind the times at my age but I just don't understand this fashion of women looking like they're 10 years old when they drop trou. Is it because of the low cut jeans?

Originally posted by Devius This will probably be the saddest groupie story you'll ever read: I was coming home from a friend's house and I had my guitar with me as I'd been to band practice earlier that day. So, I stand at this busstop waiting for my bus when these two thin rock-type girls, 16-17 or so, come over and say something to me. I go "Huh?" and take off my headphones. They ask me where I'm going. "To the centrum" I say. "Oh, what are you gonna do there?" "Just headin' home." Then the prettier girl tells me she saw my band earlier that month at a club where we really played earlier that month. Then they proceed to ask for my autograph which is very funny because we're an unknown band at this time. Well, trying to hold back the laughter I say sure, and then they give me the papers from their cigarette packs and a make up pen. I ask their names and give them my autographs. Now, note that at this time I was madly in love with my then-girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, and that at that time I was supposed to move in together with her. I'm not a cheater. Alas! Anyway, as I give them back the make up pen and the autographs both girls reach into their pockets and show me two condoms. They say "These are getting old, could you help us?" At that time my mind was screaming "This kind of stuff doesn't happen to me! I'm just a guitarist in an unknown rock-band!" while I had to politely decline the amazing offer, hopped on my bus and went home to my girlfriend. Now I wish I'd just banged the hell out of these two girls. One was average-looking but slim, the other one was just plain hot even though they were so young. A week later I dumped my girlfriend and felt stupid for not helping these two poor lasses. Damn... You know the old saying- A bush in the hand.......

Damn. Your last two sentences are where the story should be starting.

Originally posted by matt greeno Here's something I've wondered for a long time. I've heard some people say that bassists get overlooked by the women, and I've heard some say quite the contrary. How do bassists fare with the ladies? And do they do better if they play better? Does a fill-guy get more groupie action than a "root rider?" I think that if your objective is to get laid, you're better off being a bad singer than a good bass player.

Yassuh!

Yeah buddy. Gimme them old school back-in-the-day curves. These days it isn't easy to determine gender from behind, what with today's starvation-as-fashion look. I hope that doesn't mean I'm ready for the priesthood.

Being married for 10 years before playing my first gig has been instrumental (npi) in maintaining an upper bound of zero on my groupie stories, but in my last band before this one we were playing at a small bar when a very attractive lady walked up to the bar on break an asked me if I was in the band, an astonishing feat of inductive reasoning considering the 30 or so people in the joint. "Yes, I am", I replied, beginning to swell up with in preparation for a male courtship display, hoping the drummer, standing next to me and five years my junior, was noticing how smooth my mojo was. "Would you introduce me to the fiddle player?" she says. The half-cough half-snicker from my right confirmed that the drummer was indeed watching and learning from his elders. This very attractive lady, while probably 10 years younger than me, was about 10-15 years older than the fiddle player. "I would, but you're too old", I responded while deflating rapidly, thoughts of male courtship display abandoned, and mentally kicking myself over the fun the drummer was going to have with me, as indicated by the increasing frequency and volume of the choking noises. Neither my martial arts experience nor my decade of marriage alone would have prevented the approaching squall, but the combination of the two had endowed me with: a) The foresight to predict it's approach before there was any visible sign, and b) the nimbleness to take one hasty step to the rear and left while ducking. What was later determined to be her Rum & Coke took the drummer in full profile. The good part is that I never had to listen to the drummer talking about what an old smoothie I am, although I couldn't resist offering to buy him a R&C at break for the next several gigs.