Todays Jokes

[Tartanlad]

In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.

 

One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen".

With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.

 

Any one scotsman can beat any 50 englishman".

With this the english general sent down 50 of his soldiers

The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned

 

An hour later the same voice.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 100 englishman".

Same same, down went 100 of the best NO ONE returned

 

An hour later.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 1,000 englishman

By this time, the english general had had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone englishman crawling up the hill He was battered to a pulp

As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down,

its a trap, THERES TWO OF THE THEM"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time. Hughie ?" he asked sarcastically." Let's hear a good excuse for a change.

"Wee Hughie sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up.

Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office."

You'll have to do better than that. Hughie, "said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

[Tartanlad]

Oop's Sorry erm Fen Douglas / Katopp / Chordchunker / Jasmine tea

I forgot best to stay serious longfaced GITs like you lot

But i always have a on ma face and told such its called personality

you guys have ZERO

wouldnt like to be sat in your company fir sure in a bar

be all sitting like