With no small amount of trepidation, this weekend I once more crossed the border into that savage realm.............Ohio. Ill fated previous expeditions gave me motivation for new techniques I tried this time. As I made it back in one piece, I thought I'd pass along what I've learned to those other brave souls who may venture there.
Don't show fear. Upon encountering a native, make direct eye contact- stand tall making yourself appear bigger -in a loud, firm voice say" I contain toxic chemicals that may be fatal if ingested!"
Bring trade goods. Ohioans play a rudimentary form of basketball and worship the real deal so anything with the University of Kentucky logo is worth bringing. I traded an U.K. keyring for 6 acres of soybeans.
Speak respectfully when talking about sheep.
Good luck fellow travelers.