Members ItchyFingers Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Found this on Craigslist's Best-Of... Originally Posted: Mon, 12 May 11:13 EDT SERIOUS guitarist looking for like-minded bandmates to make it big. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2008-05-12, 11:13AM EDT Look here, Hudson Valley. I'm tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It's time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I'm taking no prisoners. This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you've got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned... I don't let up, and I don't want to share a stage with anyone who will. As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it's like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire's vests). You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle". Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that. So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky's infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest. Yours in rock -^v-Riley-v^- Location: Poughkeepsie it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members space gargler Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 post the pic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarman3001 Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 lol "You are expected to have suitable gear. ....... Behringer up front, Zoom at the end." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Artslinger Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 "epic quest"... man that guy is living in some weird fantasy land. Freakn' sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StoneM Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 you are late this was posted last week as well funny as hell though, I saved it to the computer for future laughs. I swear I am gonna email him just to see what he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ItchyFingers Posted June 3, 2008 Author Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 you are late this was posted last week as well funny as hell though, I saved it to the computer for future laughs. I swear I am gonna email him just to see what he says. D'oh! Yeah, I just laughed my ass off when I read it, thought people would like it here (obviously). Did they have the pic up when you read that thread? It doesn't seem to come up for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members inkblot Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Best of Craigslist candidate if I ever saw one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members o.versteer Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Obviously a wind-up, but very funny - I love the alphabetised pedalboard:idea: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FUBTAG Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 This is the third time in as many weeks I remember seeing this... and it scares me everytime I read it because I have a cousin JUST LIKE THIS GUY.... except he plays drums (which kinda explains it...) .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GuitarNoobie Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 that's great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members savethegibbons Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Someone posted this one a few weeks back. http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2416/2201688044_b9a72418e2_o.jpg You want the blocks? Come get the blocks and don't {censored} with me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members brentrocks Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Best of Craigslist candidate if I ever saw one. no kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guitar Heel Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Wow, so much to work with here. Even though his chainmail is symbolic (protecting himself from fatigue it would seem), it probably works out pretty well when he gets attacked with swords, and the like. So, can we call his effects the "mullet board?" Oh wait, that's business in the front, party in the back. Never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members als_lespaul Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 LOL. That was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members space gargler Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 here's the pic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 's mel gibson Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Haha! Look how big that Strat looks on him! He's a dwarf! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ItchyFingers Posted June 3, 2008 Author Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Space Gargler - you da man! That was even funnier than what I had pictured in my mind. Save the Gibbons - that was an equally awesome post - if you've ever sold anything on CL, you know exactly what that guy is talking about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3red Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Obviously a wind-up, but very funny - I love the alphabetised pedalboard:idea: i live near poughkeepsie. it's not a windup, the guy is serious. people take a-ha seriously there, it's a {censored}ed up place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guitar Heel Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 here's the pic I was really picturing somebody with fake, black fingernails and a faux goth guitar. I wan't expecting a little hairy dude with a fiesta red strat. Though, this may be even better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members victorcrane Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 That's truly fantastic. Particularly the use of the word behringer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cheapskate Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 ....hahaha....I would battle him with my Jasmine acoustic and when he dropped to the ground begging for mercy I would deliver the final bonecrushing blow with my Squier Bullet sending him scurrying back to his lunar stadium to practice for a rematch.....hahahaha...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poker99 Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 Haha! Look how big that Strat looks on him! He's a dwarf! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lndianScout Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 chain male wtf is he playing 1300's rock?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrbrown49 Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 chain male wtf is he playing 1300's rock?? I can't wait to hear his chart topping album! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bsman Posted June 3, 2008 Members Share Posted June 3, 2008 These guys want to audition... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.