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RIP Hotmess


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Terrible.

I've had limited interaction with him online, even on other message boards, but never met him in person.

I'm going to regret that last part as we're both based around Pittsburgh so I could have (and should have) met him easily, but hey you think everyone's going to be around forever...

If I recall correctly, he was going through some very, very tough personal matters right around the time HC went through its server switch, and he fell off the online radar a bit, as have I, and I didn't think much of it.

As I understand he was as kind, funny, open hearted a person as he was online.

What gets me is that he decided that he should have been more open about his illness because being silent reinforces stigma about it. However, it seems that when it comes to being online, the more open you are about your 'real' life the more **** you get from people. 

Even now I can think of the cruel responses that would happen. Just people ready to tell him he's a dork, or it's all in his head, or he needs to man up, or make fun of where he lives etc...

I'm sure most people here or anywhere would've been supportive, but there's one in every crowd as they say, and I've seen so much drama happen because it's easy to get under someone's skin if they're open to people who are relatively anonymous.

Never forget that when you're dealing with people you're just seeing snapshots of their lives, and have no clue what's really going on. It's doubly true online where you'd be more inclined to say things you wouldn't to someone's face. It's too easy to be a smartass and there's nothing gained.

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Reaganomics! wrote:

 

Terrible.

 

I've had limited interaction with him online, even on other message boards, but never met him in person.

 

I'm going to regret that last part as we're both based around Pittsburgh so I could have (and should have) met him easily, but hey you think everyone's going to be around forever...

 

If I recall correctly, he was going through some very, very tough personal matters right around the time HC went through its server switch, and he fell off the online radar a bit, as have I, and I didn't think much of it.

 

As I understand he was as kind, funny, open hearted a person as he was online.

 

What gets me is that he decided that he should have been more open about his illness because being silent reinforces stigma about it. However, it seems that when it comes to being online, the more open you are about your 'real' life the more **** you get from people. 

 

Even now I can think of the cruel responses that would happen. Just people ready to tell him he's a dork, or it's all in his head, or he needs to man up, or make fun of where he lives etc...

 

I'm sure most people here or anywhere would've been supportive, but there's one in every crowd as they say, and I've seen so much drama happen because it's easy to get under someone's skin if they're open to people who are relatively anonymous.

 

Never forget that when you're dealing with people you're just seeing snapshots of their lives, and have no clue what's really going on. It's doubly true online where you'd be more inclined to say things you wouldn't to someone's face. It's too easy to be a smartass and there's nothing gained.

 

he was/is part of chat crue and during the demise of hc he was still quite active with chat.

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What gets me is that he decided that he should have been more open about his illness because being silent reinforces stigma about it. However, it seems that when it comes to being online, the more open you are about your 'real' life the more **** you get from people. 

 

Even now I can think of the cruel responses that would happen. Just people ready to tell him he's a dork, or it's all in his head, or he needs to man up, or make fun of where he lives etc...

 

 

 

Unfortunately, you're correct, but there are some good people out there too who really do care. But as you mentioned, it only takes one or two bad apples to really hurt someone, and you do have to watch what you say online or they'll use it against you in a heartbeat. 

 

Screw those people. Seriously. My contempt for them knows no bounds. They are pathetic little people who try to make themselves feel better about their own inadequacies by trying to belittle and hurt others - taking advantage of those whom they perceive as sick or weak like the thugs and bullies that they are. Again, screw them!

 

I originally had no intention of mentioning my wife's cancer here on HCEF due to the fact that I figured some troll (or worse) would use that information in a negative way, and I wanted to protect her from that. There are other things I have shared of equal magnitude, and a few that I have not... partially because it's personal and not really everyone's business, and in part because of what people would do with it. There are people who attack me on various forums for trivial things like the multicolored Volcom board shorts and sunglasses I happened to be wearing in a HC video (and there's a medical reason for the glasses - not that that's any of their business), but could you imagine the hateful things they would say if I admitted somewhere like in the Poli forum that I have been diagnosed with PTSD, or that two of my children were profoundly developmentally disabled and one of them died before the age of ten? I occasionally share that kind of stuff with you guys, because for the most part, I trust you, and frankly, I really don't give that much of a damn what people say - I have enough other things to deal with that I try not to worry about the whacked-out POV of some pendejo online (and there's more than a few of them out there), but OTOH, why give them any ammunition?

 

I guess what I'm saying is that while I agree that depression is often misunderstood and stigmatized in our society, admitting you suffer from it online has potential negative ramifications in some contexts, and I don't know that doing so is something I'd advise without giving serious consideration to the possible consequences.

 

What Sean posted was extremely brave, very insightful and honest, and I really am sorry he succumbed to the ravages of his disease. How can we honor him? My suggestion would be to go hug your family and friends, and say a kind word to someone today.  And if you see someone being an ass to someone just because they suffer from a disease like depression, give 'em hell for it.

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Welp i really hate to say it but feel i must...

Maybe if "watever" hadnt happened to HCFX wed have some place to come hang and not feel so alone? If u r in that sitch?

Chat dudes bailed on there Bro!

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alien wrote:

Welp i really hate to say it but feel i must...

 

Maybe if "watever" hadnt happened to HCFX wed have some place to come hang and not feel so alone? If u r in that sitch?

 

Chat dudes bailed on there Bro!

 

Did you not read the part where they all still hung out with him in chat? 

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HCFX is still here... and I would hope that if ANY of you find yourself in such a dark place that it seems there is no hope that you'd reach out... I honestly feel that most of you would be there for them as much as you could if someone did. However, there's only so much that friends and family can do - or even doctors for that matter. It can be a very difficult disease to deal with for all concerned. 

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Phil O'Keefe wrote:

 

HCFX is still here... and I would hope that if ANY of you find yourself in such a dark place that it seems there is no hope that you'd reach out... I honestly feel that most of you would be there for them as much as you could if someone did. However, there's only so much that friends and family can do - or even doctors for that matter. It can be a very difficult disease to deal with for all concerned. 

 

yeah, it's rough for the family and friends.  years of thinking, "if only".

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