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  • Things to ponder...

    If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?


    Can you cry under water?


    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


    Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?


    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


    What disease did cured ham actually have?


    How is it that we put a man on the moon decades before we figured out to put wheels on luggage?


    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?


    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway..


    Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?


    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
    They're both dogs!



    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?


    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?


    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?


    If people evolved from apes,Why are there still apes?


    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear?


    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?


    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


    The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.



    Last edited by daddymack; 01-22-2018, 06:15 PM.
    "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminate period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

    Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
    "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

  • #2
    Why do we bake cookies but cook bacon?

    Comment


    • #3
      The bacon gets baked at my house. Much less mess.

      Comment


      • #4
        we nuke ours...much faster...almost immediate gratification!
        "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminate period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

        Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
        "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

        Comment


        • #5
          When somebody helps you out at a important juncture, why is it considered them "Saving your Bacon"?

          Comment


          • grayhame
            grayhame commented
            Editing a comment
            May be related to "buying a pig in a poke" and "Letting the cat out of the bag"

          • daddymack
            daddymack commented
            Editing a comment
            To the medieval mind, 'bacon' was meat from anywhere on the body of the animal - more akin to what we now call pork. This was the origin of the slang term 'bacon' meaning the human body. 'Saving your bacon' was simply saving your body from harm. The expression was used that way as early as the 17th century as, for example, this extract from Ireland's Momus Elenticus, 1654:

            "Some fellowes there were... To save their bacon penn'd many a smooth song."

        • #6
          What does a person at the North Pole see on the day of the vernal equinox?

          "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminate period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

          Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
          "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

          Comment


          • #7
            Why do we drive on parkways but park on driveways?

            Comment


            • AlamoJoe
              AlamoJoe commented
              Editing a comment
              Steven Wright
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