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What NOT to do at a band audition...

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  • What NOT to do at a band audition...

    I got an audition in a couple of hours, help me out here.

    1) Don't let my crack pipe fall out of my pocket mid solo


    Take it from here boyz.

  • #2
    Mention you've got a girlfriend who wants to be a singer...
    "I had a cat named Snowball
    She died! She died!
    Mom said she was sleeping
    She lied! She lied!"

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    • #3
      .... don't mention that your wife would be willing to manage the band

      ... don't ask about choreographed dance moves

      ... don't ask them if they know "Freebird"

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      • #4
        Repeatedly yank your cord out of your instrument by stepping on it.
        ____________________________________________
        The Homebrews!http://home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-rupertamp

        "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." -Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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        • #5
          almost forgot ....
          don't bring up "poo-sex"

          or your SAT scores

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          • #6
            Wear dress shorts, white socks, and black lace up shoes. Suggest the adoption of uniforms for gigs.

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            • #7
              Run across the room and slide on your knees during a solo.

              Hand out Neo-Nazi literature.

              Try to screw the drummer's girlfriend while he's in the john.

              When you first walk in, give them all a 5 minute long multi-position soul brother handshake routine.

              And don't sing man...just don't.

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              • #8
                Finger tap.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by stratosteve
                  Run across the room and slide on your knees during a solo.

                  Try to screw the drummer's girlfriend while he's in the john.

                  When you first walk in, give them all a 5 minute long multi-position soul brother handshake routine.


                  LOL. Aww shucks, they are gonna think I'm a weanie.

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                  • #10
                    "If you guys are REALLY LUCKY. you'll get to play with ME!
                    mmm... Yes, that sounds good!

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                    • #11
                      Don't ever, ever bring this:

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Jack E Martling
                        Finger tap.
                        Or play a single note at all. Stick to chords and tell them you're not only happy to be part of the rhythm section, you want to be as far in the background as possible. In fact, don't even play single note runs when you're warming up. Don't give them the idea that you ever had any intention of taking a solo at any point in your life.

                        Do:

                        Stick to common modern mantras. It's all about the song. Stuff like that.

                        Ask after every song if you're too loud and wouldn't they like you to turn down.

                        Ask the singer what his "motivation" was for writing such deep lyrics.

                        Compliment the drummer for "laying back".

                        Follow this advice, and the gig is yours.



                        -wp
                        Originally posted by WulfmanJax:
                        ****************************s will be ****************************s. And even be assholier to others who point their assholiness out.

                        http://www.myspace.com/wespowell1

                        Download the tunes

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                        • #13
                          Don't :

                          - Put your bacon to their heads.

                          - Ask for more cowbell.

                          - Let them know your amp goes to 11.

                          - Talk with a pirate inflection or in Pig Latin.

                          - Ask if they play both rock and country.
                          - CAUTION: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Wes_Powell
                            Or play a single note at all. Stick to chords and tell them you're not only happy to be part of the rhythm section, you want to be as far in the background as possible. In fact, don't even play single note runs when you're warming up. Don't give them the idea that you ever had any intention of taking a solo at any point in your life.

                            Do:

                            Stick to common modern mantras. It's all about the song. Stuff like that.

                            Ask after every song if you're too loud and wouldn't they like you to turn down.

                            Ask the singer what his "motivation" was for writing such deep lyrics.

                            Compliment the drummer for "laying back".

                            Follow this advice, and the gig is yours.


                            Yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say. How many times have you posted that paragraph, 3,000? I hope you have all your cute little catch phrases saved so you can cut and paste them in. Otherwise you are a strong candidate for carpal tunnel syndrome.

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                            • #15
                              Don't:

                              Take your kids.

                              Take your wife.

                              Take you girlfiriend.

                              Flog.

                              And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln


                              MySite - MyTube - MySpace

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