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  • Dear Santa....



    Dear Santa,



    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year.


    I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty Black Ops 2 and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.



    Merry Christmas,



    Timmy Jones







    Dear Timmy,



    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little


    worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a

    good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.



    Merry Christmas,



    Santa Claus







    Mr. Claus,



    Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way


    clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation.

    Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?



    Respectfully,



    Tim Jones








    Mr. Jones,



    While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in


    no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know,

    however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than

    happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve

    you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.



    Very Truly Yours,



    S Claus









    Now look here Fat Man,



    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my


    friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass

    and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!



    T-Bone










    Listen Pizza Face,



    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe?


    "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.

    I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza

    roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud

    hole in you're a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.



    S Clizzy







    Dear Santa,



    Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.



    Timmy







    Timmy,



    That's what I thought, you little bastard.



    Santa
    "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminent period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

    Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
    "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

  • #2
    ________________________________
    I keep stimulants handy in case I see a snake,which I also keep handy.W.C.Fields

    G.B.#275

    OK We'll close down the business,have the manager shot,and give you back all your money.will that make you happy?

    The Hot Rod Owner's Club

    Comment


    • #3
      Poor old Santa, too much pressure, he finally broke down. But if everyone thinks that all of the good holiday songs have been covered, think of the songwriting possibilities for this new Santa, the Starless Santa. We're in the money...

      Comment


      • #4

        Comment


        • #5
          Website http://forcepics.net63.net

          Comment


          • #6






            Quote Originally Posted by Force
            View Post





            Who is that in your avatar??
            Campbell UK-1
            http://www.campbellamerican.com/abou...erican_guitars

            NEA Klon Klone
            https://www.facebook.com/NatickElectricalApparatus

            Best Guitar Cable money can buy GUITARTEC REPAIR at Barnstorm Music 98 Main St. (Rt. 109) Medway, MA 401 352-4653

            Comment


            • #7
              Hedy Lamarr : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Lamarr



              I agree that she is not unattractive
              Website http://forcepics.net63.net

              Comment


              • #8
                that's Hedley...






                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzbhbetwYFU
                "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminent period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

                Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
                "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

                Comment


                • #9






                  Quote Originally Posted by Force
                  View Post

                  Hedy Lamarr : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Lamarr



                  I agree that she is not unattractive




                  Beautiful and very smart too: http://www.inventions.org/culture/female/lamarr.html
                  NOTE: The absence of smilies in this post should not be taken to mean that I think your post is stupid, nor that I loath, despise, or hate you; nor that I disrespect you and all your works; nor that I see you as victim or lawful prey; nor think you have the intellect of half a loaf of bread; nor that I find you disgusting or unworthy or otherwise hate your behavior, opinions, politics, gender, sexual orientation, culture, ethnic background or language.

                  F*** 'em if they can't take a joke!

                  Comment









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