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HUMOR FROM LEGENDARY BASSIST LELAND SKLAR

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  • HUMOR FROM LEGENDARY BASSIST LELAND SKLAR

     

     



    YOU KNOW YOU ARE TOO OLD TO PLAY GIGS WHEN:

     


    1. It becomes more important to find the right place on  the stage for your fan than for your amp.
    2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf or Dolly Parton with no bosom.
    3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
    4. All you want from the hot groupies is a foot massage or a back rub.

    5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your set-list.

    6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.

    7. You lost the directions to the gig again.

    8. You need your reading glasses to see the amp settings.

    9. You've thrown out your back climbing onto the stage.

    10. You feel like heck before the gig even starts.

    11. The waitress is your daughter!

    12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.

    13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

    14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.

    15. You refuse to play without earplugs.

    16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.

    17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.

    18. Your gig stool has a back.

    19. You're related to at least one member in the band.

    20. You don't let anyone sit in.

    21. You need a nap before the gig.

    22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.

    23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lie down.

    24. You prefer a music stand with a light.

    25. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.

    26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever

    27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or "cool" factor.

    28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the audience, 'cause they're younger than your daughter.

    29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location.

    30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it!

    31. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a babysitter for the grandkids.

    32. The set list has to be in 20 point type..

    33. Your drug of choice is now coffee
    "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminate period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

    Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'
    "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

  • #2
    Some of those hit pretty close to home, but I don't think I'm too old to play gigs (I played both Friday and Saturday with the oldies show band); I think I just have to adapt to the realization that I'm not going to be doing the same kinds of things I used to do when I was in my 20's.

    I especially liked #27. Not only do I purchase amps based on their weight, I do the same thing for guitars. I'm contemplating getting one of those ZT lunchbox amps and a Ministar body-less guitar. I figure then my entire stage rig will be about 5 pounds.
    Michael D. www.mdlmusic.webs.com "I'm tired of rock-and-rolling Let's get married, Honey, let's go bowling" --Martin Mull

    Comment


    • daddymack
      daddymack commented
      Editing a comment

      #27 is one I am semi-guilty of, but tone and features is still #1 with me. The original 200W ZT lunchbox is about 12 lbs, IIRC...I had the pleasure of carrying two for Stringman a while back...but the new Junior version at only 35W, is 5 lbs...


      #32, yes, I have done for years because I keep my set list on the floor...













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