Hello. I literally googled "singers forum" to attempt to find a general spot that I could ask this question since I really don't know where to take it or where I could even get a sound consult on this. I'll try to be as blunt about history as possible since that's not the point.
I've been singing since 7th grade. I'm 25 now and I've been a noisy bloke ever since. I'm versatile, I've participated in many different styles, sang in musicals, tons of a'capella, bands, open to trying new things, and I've made accomplishments and had times I will never forget thanks to the ol'e chords. I've a degree in music education and I've been around the world just to sing. I've been in front of people countless times.
Lately I have found a new interest. Accompanying myself. Mostly by Piano (and attempting Guitar but I'm not nearly as good at that). Something about the sound of Piano (as a music educator I guess) just gives me the feels. I want to listen to the detailed vibration of every plink, every single note. It's a strange listening passion I have. Strictly Piano music puts me in a state where I can't help but just zone out and absorb it. Specifically I am in to ballads. Either strictly Piano, or accompanied by Vocals. I haven't performed in front of people yet, the idea makes me nervous because I've only ever sang in front of people, not played an instrument or both.
This is where you're going to think I'm either weird or laugh...whatever, because this is my own diagnosis and I could be utterly wrong.
I think I'm much too emotionally connected to music. Let me try to explain.
When I try to hum certain measures of notes that touch me the most (Piano), I buckle under my breath. I literally can't finish. I think about the lyrics, or I think about what the song is relating to or what the combination of notes makes me think of and it's not necessarily crying, I just gag a little bit. I can't sing properly. I've tried thinking about grammy in the ol'e panties or something but that just distracts me and I still can't get past first base of getting the notes out properly.
It has really been bothering me lately. Why can't I detatch myself enough from the music to sing the notes properly? When I try, I just look awkward because I'm trying so hard to not think about the music that it's forced and it shows in my singing as a result. I really do not understand what this is, but the only conclusion I've been able to reach is that I am just too emotionally connected to the music and the notes that I really cannot sing through them without getting that huffy feeling in your throat that you feel before you cry. I'm practicing trying to ignore it but I just can't...it comes in to play almost 100% of the time.
It's gotten me to mostly ignore vocal accompaniment and just pay attention to the instrument itself as simply playing the Piano doesn't put me in danger of choking on a microphone.
If I can think of anything else I will add...but I wanted to get this out quickly at first, to see what people though. Heck, if anyone has even experienced this before. It ONLY seems to be with this type of music too, Piano. I've sung many a sad song, many a sad verse of multiple genres, but Piano ballads just choke me right up before I can finish a measure. I've never had this issue ever before until I started trying to sing this type of music, and I'm blaming the Piano. Haha...this all probably sounds stupid...but it's a real issue I'm practicing and actively trying to over come
Here's an example of a song played on the Piano that I I cannot hum without buckling under my breath. It's not a vocal accompanied song, but it's an example of the...I suppose the "type" of music I like hearing on the Piano. I did the best I could to find an example.
Just listening to it gives me chills and makes my eyes well up, and that would be good and fine if it didn't happen to me while singing songs that have accompaniment. I also think it's a good example because it's a ridiculously simple song to play. It's the same up and down, from simple songs, to complex sounding ones.
*sigh...what to do...