[Beginner] I really don't like the sound of my singing voice. Please help!

[Takiah]

Hi there,

My name is Tami! (My apologies in advance for my wall of text!)

I’ve spent my entire life wishing I had the ability to sing. Like so many, I’ve always believed that you were either born with the ability to sing – or you weren’t. I don’t remember when or why but for some reason, I decided that I can’t sing and thus, I never pursued it.

My partner has spent many years trying to convince me that everyone can learn to sing as whenever I would hear a song on the radio or watch X-Factor etc. I would often sigh and say “I’d give anything to be able to do that” but I would always argue back that he was wrong.

Recently, I (finally) found the courage to take my first singing lesson. It was absolutely terrifying – I don’t remember the last time I’d ever felt so nervous!

I decided to see a few different singing coaches as I didn’t believe the instructors when they told me that I could sing. However... the most recent singing teacher I met with told me that I "seriously underestimate myself and that singing is definitely for me” – she also said that she was very impressed by how much I’d improved in just one 60 minute lesson. I’m not sure what it was about her, but I am starting to believe those around me who say that I really can sing.

The problem is, I have SEVERE self-esteem issues (the aftermath of having been severely bullied most of my child/teen and early adult life) and with that comes my issue:

I genuinely dislike the sound of my own voice (both singing and speaking). A lot! I know that sounds extremely negative, but that’s not my intent, it’s more – have you ever just heard a singer, who is technically great at what they do but you just personally don’t like the way they sound?

This is how I feel about my own voice (even when I hit the notes) – is there anything I can do? Is this just a matter of finding a way to accept my voice as it is? I know that we hear things differently ourselves to those around us due to the internal vibrations – however I also don’t like hearing myself when I listen to a recording. Is this common?

 

Will I get used to it? Could there be something wrong with my hearing? (I have been told that I am definitely NOT tone deaf). Is it simply my self-esteem issues preventing me from enjoying my own voice? I’ve also only had 1 proper singing lesson in my life, is perhaps just (lack of) experience?

 

Specifically, I don't feel I have a pretty/feminine voice. When I listen to artists such as Demi Lovato, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift etc. I very much enjoy the sound of their voice and how they carry their notes.

Being able to stand up on a stage in front of an audience and connect with them through music is something I have always dreamed of. Never in a million years did I ever think it would be possible. Now that I've been told it is…I have a million “what if’s” running through my head.

 

Note: I have only had one proper singing lesson before - however I am now signed up for regular singing lessons! I am going to give singing absolutely everything I have - I am fully committed. I don't want to give the impression that I don't plan on pursuing singing - I'm just curious to know if how I feel is common in the singing world!

My singing assessment was only last week however it was the last week before the end of term (they are now on break for 2 weeks) and these questions have been burning a whole in my brain!

 

Again, terribly sorry for such a long post, however any advice you have would be appreciated. If any of you have experienced this before, I would be so grateful for you to share your story and experiences with me!

Thank you SO much for taking the time to read my post!

 

-Tak

 

[highmtn]

@Takiah

 

Tami,

 

Yes, it is common to loathe the sound of your own voice, especially when you first hear your singing voice played back to you. As you stated, you are aware that what other people hear is not what we hear inside our own head when we sing. But when we hear a recording of ourselves playing back, especially if we have self-image issues, it can really make us cringe. It's even worse if we have pitch problems or poor tone or other poor technique.

 

But it seems that you don't like the sound of your own voice, while perhaps others thinks it's just fine, or even very good...

 

If you are technically good, but you don't like the sound, then get started working on your sound. Get to the point that you are passionate about the way you sound and the way you feel when you are singing, and cross that gap between the audience and the performer, where you are singing your heart out and they are receiving your message!

 

Yes. In many instances it's just a matter of getting over the self-loathing thing when it comes to the sound of your own singing voice. One way to get past that is to record your voice over and over as you work on songs and scales. If you can identify anything specific about your voice that is correctable, then go ahead and work on those aspects of your voice. If you go about it the right way, you can really improve your voice dramatically. After a long time of routinely listening to your voice as a matter of practice, rehearsal, and self-improvement, you will get to the point where you don't really hate the sound, and maybe even start liking some aspects of your voice. If you get out and perform while you're working on getting through all of this, you will probably even be surprised to see people coming to you from out of the audience and telling you how much they like the sound of your voice. After a while, hearing lots of different people you've never met before, coming to you and telling you they love to hear you sing, you will begin to believe the truth, that you do have a good voice and that you CAN sing, and that your dream is not a foolish fantasy, but a reality that you should step into and start living!

 

There is a lot to learn about the voice, and most of the techniques you will learn take a lot of practice and time. The voice grows over a period of time and gains character and tone. You should find a really good vocal program to get you started on a track of vocal self-improvement. You do need a plan and a direction, or you will flounder.

 

Here is a place that I have been studying for some time: http://kentamplinvocalacademy.com/ken-tamplin-vocal-academy-reviews/ It's certainly worked for me.

 

There are a lot of options for vocal improvement. Look at the students for any vocal training program you might be considering spending your time and money on. Are the students sounding like you want to sound? Likewise with the instructors... do they sound like what you want to sound like? Can they even sing the style you want to sing? Find a program that is producing results like you want from yourself and don't settle for anything less!

 

All the best and much success to you!

 

Bob

 

 

[ido1957]

A large majority of people hate to listen to their own voice. I've never paid much attention to my vocal sound. I am more concerned with hitting the notes. If you dwell on it too much it will probably distract you and discourage you. Even if you sing covers and try to mimic the artist, you will always have a bit of "you" in the performance. That's what make you unique. Your teacher will steer you in the right direction and hopefully when she thinks you are ready put you out on stage in a competition or two to perform for an audience.

[Takiah]

Hi Bob,

 

Thank you very much for such a thoughtful response.

 

Whilst I'm not ready to look at online courses, it is definitely something I will consider in the future.

 

There are so many artists that I love the sound of - ranging from Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift to Demi Lovato and Katy Perry -- I really have no idea what "type of voice" mine is, though one of the singing coaches I was assessed by said that I have a very"natural twang" voice.

 

I'll keep working at it and hopefully someday I'll find my own voice, rather than trying to mimic the artists I love!

[Takiah]

@ido1957

 

Many thanks for taking the time to respond!

 

I completely "get" what you're saying. There are definitely moments where I think "oh, that wasn't so bad" but for the most part, I can feel myself struggling to hit the notes I'd like.

 

Carrie Underwood's "Blown Away" and Demi Lovato's Warrior are what I'm obsessed with at the moment.

 

If you listen to Blown Away (live) the bit towards the end where she carries out those really powerful notes over an extended period....the other day I actually managed to hit it (mostly) but since then I can't!

 

Is a voice like Carries and Demi's something I could work towards or am I being unrealistic in that I'm coming into the game extremely late in life (I'm 26) having never used my singing voice before?

[partlycloudy]

I also hate the sound of my own voice even though I've been told I'm a decent singer, and can sing the right notes most of the time (my pitch control is so-so but I'm not tone deaf!)

 

My "solution", for now, has been to slightly speed up or slow down recordings of my voice (while also slightly changing pitch) so that it doesn't sound exactly like me, but like someone else. Then I can listen to it more objectively to gauge things like pitch control without being distracted by how bad my voice sounds to me.

 

I also don't have a feminine voice -- not when speaking either. I get called "sir" on the phone pretty often, and the first time I posted a recording of myself singing online, people thought I was a guy, lol. But I sound the same when I speak, so I figure it's not a singing problem, it's just my voice.

 

By the way, I had a friend in college and another before that in high school who were excellent singers. And both of them hated the sound of their own voice while everyone else was in awe!

 

I'm pretty sure this doesn't help, but yeah, it's pretty common to hate one's own voice for various reasons, even if one is objectively a decent or good singer.

[Takiah]

No that actually helps a lot!

 

To be honest I feel like I sound like a howling dog, honestly!! I hope it's just my inexperience and insecurities making it seem that way!!

 

Thanks so much for the post. So relieved to know I'm not the only one

[davie]

Hi there Tami,

 

Its very common for singers to dislike the sound of their own voice. The reason may vary, someone might dislike the sound of their own voice because of technical issues in their singing, or sometimes it's psychological. The best way to overcome it is to record and listen to yourself often. And if you're regularly training your voice and working on your singing, then you will hear the gradual improvement in your voice over time. It's also a good idea for every singer to find some sort of moral support and healthy encouragement. Feelings of self-doubt can actually inhibit good singing. A lot about singing revolves around the use of momentum in the body and focus of the mind. Though singing is a form of expression, emotional control is important because if you lose control of your emotions then you will also lose control of the voice.

 

Also don't worry about trying to sound like other singers, each person has their own unique sound to lean on. It's like a mark of your own individuality. Its much more interesting and exciting to discover a sound of your own and finding new possibilities for that sound.

 

From my own experience, I originally did not like the sound of my own voice, so I tried to imitate other singers and try to manipulate my voice to sound deeper than it actually is. Doing this was a huge mistake. Since I was going against my voice's own natural placement, it threw my voice out of balance and eventually I ended up hurting my voice. Only after working with a good voice teacher and finding a proper way to sing, I was able to figure out what my voice is actually suppose to sound like. Overall, I am indifferent about the way my voice sounds. In a way it just feels like an extension of my personality.

 

I hope you find this helpful.

All the best

[Takiah]

Hey Davie,

 

I found this really helpful and insightful, thank you!

 

Over the past couple of days I've been recording myself and I honestly can't handle it! To me, I sound like a howling dog -- yet 2 vocal instructors and a musician friend who I sent a couple of audio files to last night says that's not the case.

 

Apparently it's just when I don't hit the notes (which granted is a lot) is where I don't sound okay. I don't know if it's just because I have NEVER sung before and have zero musical experience and as such am still learning how to hit notes etc

 

I really have no idea if it's just my self-esteem and extremely high expectations that's impacting my judgment when hearing myself or if I really do sound like a howling dog and everyone is just trying to be nice and give me false hope

 

-Tami

[davie]

With some good instruction I'm sure you can make some great progress, so just keep at it and don't get discouraged.

 

It might also be helpful to post up a singing clip so we can give you our honest opinions and input.

 

But if you're not comfortable posting it publicly then you're always welcome to send me a message.

[toeragamuffin]

Also keep in mind that most commercial voices have many effects applied to them to give that radio sound. Whether many commercial singers admit it or not the fact is that most commercial voices have autotune added these days. But subtle reverb, compression, as etc helps a great deal also. For example a little reverb applied as an effect goes a long way. At its most minimal it helps to create the natural sound of there being some space between the singers lips (the voice) and the listeners ears (the microphone). This is why without reverb a voice can sound too harsh. It would be like a singer singing directly into someone's ear.