Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.

OT: I'm in need of some SERIOUS help

Collapse



X
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • OT: I'm in need of some SERIOUS help

    it's truly been a ****************ed up few years, but the last few months are off the charts.

    in 2004, my playing betrayed me.

    my wife and i are in serious trouble. separated but living together.

    she said today it's over. so many reasons. not sure i want to air all of it here.

    i lost my arranging, playing position of 18 years at my church in Jan. no reason but that they can buy what i do on the internet now (charts) and could have cared less about the chaos they were about to inflict on me. they were merciful enough to pay me for 3 months (from jan 31st) i run out of money on april 30th. finding a job has been difficult. i've been in this little bubble for 18 years, no degree, no other job, no other skills. i look pretty ****************ing bad on a job app.

    i started drinking last year and though right now, i'm ok, it's been pretty bad at times.

    though this week has seemed the exception, i care less and less about music.

    i feel betrayed by all the things i put every ounce of my being into for so long.

    suicide has only barely crossed my mind, mainly to give my kids the insurance money.

    i have tried to delve into other interests and am just hitting a wall with any path or passion arising.

    should i check myself into some kind of mental health facility? i'm starting to feel out of control.

    i want to make a difference with my life, but it seems like the universe isn't interested.

    sorry. kind of freaking out. incredibly depressed.

    My Orchestral Compositions and Film/Production Cues

    My VARIOUS Guitar-Focused Clips

    My ROCK Guitar-Focused Clips

    My JAZZ Guitar-Focused Clips

    My FUSION CD

    Facebook

    "The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom." -David Foster Wallace

  • #2
    Definitely seek professional help. You're aware that you need help and you're willing to get it... that is a good sign.

    Hang in there, man.
    Originally Posted by 2manband


    With the 4 seconds I save, I have time for more important things, like singing "Holy Diver"









    Originally Posted by Jimmy James


    Welcome to McFail's Navy.

    Comment


    • #3
      I think I'd call my minister or dad, have a nice heart to heart talk, I feel for ya I went thru the same thing when I got sick, just remember it WILL get better...

      if you need someone to talk too hell pm me your number, you sound like you need to talk to someone...

      Comment


      • #4
        actually suicide would void a life insurance policy. If it were an ACCIDENT, some insurance policies have double indemnity.

        That being said, the truth of the matter is that sometimes we think the worst parts of life are when it all seems over but are really when we are msot alive. As a species we thrive in adversity. You said that a lot of things seem to have lost their luster and that everything has grown sorta dull or uninspired. Maybe having to break out of an 18 yr comfort zone is what you need.

        If you want I'd be happy to pm you my cell number
        HCGJ Hyperbolic Race Traitor of the Year 2008






        Originally Posted by Captain Scully


        wayne vinson was sitting in seat 18c crying like a bitch.

        i had to carry that softy out under my arm. if times got desperate he was going to be our raft.

        he was wanting to store a bogner shiva in the coat closet. i later ate my lunch off that overpriced piece of **************** while i was sitting on the tail fin waiting for the rescue boats.










        Originally Posted by mattoverb


        omg I just noticed this thread has a vampire.

        Comment


        • #5

          suicide has only barely crossed my mind, mainly to give my kids the insurance money.


          I'm hitting the sack here soon, so I'll just make this comment:

          No amount of money could replace the presence of their father.

          Hope things start looking up for you!

          -G
          <blank>

          Comment


          • #6
            Definitely seek professional help. You're aware that you need help and you're willing to get it... that is a good sign.

            Hang in there, man.


            i'm already seeing a therapist once every 2 weeks, but today has been too much.

            i wake up every day with no purpose and no one to talk to, no friends, as they are all musicians and gig related. their time off is spent with their families, not with me, i couldn't possibly expect them to hang out. i basically feel like my wife has placed me in a cell, my job has placed me in a cell, my playing has placed me in a cell.

            the ONLY thing in my life that's good are my kids.

            i tried so hard this week to climb out of it, but i'm collapsing.
            My Orchestral Compositions and Film/Production Cues

            My VARIOUS Guitar-Focused Clips

            My ROCK Guitar-Focused Clips

            My JAZZ Guitar-Focused Clips

            My FUSION CD

            Facebook

            "The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom." -David Foster Wallace

            Comment


            • #7
              What ****************ing day is this?
              While we're at it,let me say that you could fill two busses with the girls that I hit between 1982-1990...


              "Music doesn't need to be great to be good...."

              "You can't steal,what you can't feel"....Tom Petty

              HCGB # 73


              ........__o
              ....._

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey, I'm no expert, but I would definitely seek professional help with the depression. It could be something a little medication can cure. As far as career, if you've invested this much time in music, you will have to stay in it. Call up some of your friends and get some ideas on how you can use your vast knowledge and experience. It may have to be something away from playing. Please just try to stay positive and open minded and not get weighted down with the bad stuff, you'll work through it.
                There are four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

                Comment


                • #9
                  i'm already seeing a therapist once every 2 weeks, but today has been too much.


                  Call this person immediately. It sounds like you need help ASAP.

                  Remember that no matter how bad things are, it will pass in time.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hey Mr. Jones. Do me a favor...Post that pic of your beautiful child giving the world her finger if you still have it...
                    While we're at it,let me say that you could fill two busses with the girls that I hit between 1982-1990...


                    "Music doesn't need to be great to be good...."

                    "You can't steal,what you can't feel"....Tom Petty

                    HCGB # 73


                    ........__o
                    ....._

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hey, I'm no expert, but I would definitely seek professional help with the depression. It could be something a little medication can cure. As far as career, if you've invested this much time in music, you will have to stay in it. Call up some of your friends and get some ideas on how you can use your vast knowledge and experience. It may have to be something away from playing. Please just try to stay positive and open minded and not get weighted down with the bad stuff, you'll work through it.


                      ive been trying so hard to re-invent myself this past few years as it is. ive been like "well my playing is ****************ed, but at least i have this cool arranging job, where that doesnt matter" and now thats gone.

                      ive been taking cymbalta for a year.

                      my health is ****************ed up too. wont go into it but its been really unpleasant for a year, docs think its in my head.
                      My Orchestral Compositions and Film/Production Cues

                      My VARIOUS Guitar-Focused Clips

                      My ROCK Guitar-Focused Clips

                      My JAZZ Guitar-Focused Clips

                      My FUSION CD

                      Facebook

                      "The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom." -David Foster Wallace

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You are a husband and father first, and many things, but being a musician is secondary.

                        You have strength you don't even know you have. These times test you to bring that strength out.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          To be honest I was wondering if it was really you
                          Fighting words out in the open,spilling all
                          Is this the real you?
                          Did you give up on faith?
                          While we're at it,let me say that you could fill two busses with the girls that I hit between 1982-1990...


                          "Music doesn't need to be great to be good...."

                          "You can't steal,what you can't feel"....Tom Petty

                          HCGB # 73


                          ........__o
                          ....._

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            A couple of years ago I hit bottom for various reasons, but I had been dealing with depression for most of my adult life. One day I woke up, got dressed, and got in my car looking for a good place to crash it. In a lucid moment, I drove to the hospital and spent the next ten days in the locked psych ward.

                            Thanks to thereapy and better living through chemistry, that was a turning point in my life.

                            Note what I said about a lucid moment. Depressed thoughts aren't rational thoughts: the hopelessness is a product of the disease. Help is available, and sometimes its hard to take that first step, but for the sake of your kids and the people who care about you, take that step.

                            Comment


                            • #15

                              Did you give up on faith?


                              That's a great biggie right there.

                              It is a test and Scott will pass the test.

                              I'm not big on doctors when it comes to these things. Prayer, patience, inner strength and good friends and family can fix these things.

                              Comment













                              Working...
                              X