You own both a Fedora and a Porkpie hat. You have some crazy old records that play at like 854 R.P.M. and feature a guy crooning through a megaphone. You like silent movies, and think that UPS brown is a very nice color indeed. You're also a perv.
well, you got the last part right anyway.
I believe I do have both a fedora and a porkpie hat somewhere
I lolled, so I call this game a success, and am glad you have taken the time to include me.