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  • Joke thread

    A guy gets up to brush his teeth. He looks out the window and sees a gorilla in his tree.
    "Hmm," he thinks. "A gorilla."
    He goes downstairs and finds a Gorilla removal service in the phone book. He calls them up, and the receptionist asks, "Is it a male gorilla?"
    "Oh, yeah. Definitely."
    "Okay, we'll send a gorilla technician right over."

    Ten minutes later, a van pulls up in the yard. A man in a coverall gets out and starts unloading the truck. He takes out a stick, a pair of handcuffs, a terrier, and a shotgun.

    The guy asks the gorilla technician what all the equipment is for. The technician replies, "Well, I'm going to climb up the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick. The dog is trained to attack the gorilla's groin as soon as he falls out of the tree. When he crosses his arms over his groin, I'll handcuff him and lead him to the truck."
    The guy considers this, and then asks, "Then what's the shotgun for?"

    "If I fall out of the tree first, shoot the terrier."
    Member: MFSoaPS, OJ moo moos
    Grand High Master Of The Cheese Toast Ninja Clan
    70's Giannini Acoustic
    Ibanez SZ520QM
    Ibanes RG450DX - Yeah, It's back and better than ever

    My SongS (note the "s"; there are now two actual songs there!!) - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=518887

    TheBeatButcher - RG450 is now "Batman" . . . no, wait: "Lefty"

    That is all.



    Dr. Tweedbucket - Make sure you center the [Future Moon Pie Shells] together first other wise you will have a stupid homemade, off center looking MooN PiE that everyone will laugh at !!

    TheFox - STRAWBREIS R MAH FAVORIET FOD!111111 OMG LOL I CUD AAT THAM AL DAY!1!1!!1!1 YUM YUM YUM!!1!11!1

    doomed-4-life - Have no fear little one, if this is truly the end we will all go on to a better place, some say that that place is paradise, Well I don't know about that, but I do believe there will be bitches and cheese toast

  • #2
    Levi, the Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da
    love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstasy."


    The Frenchman replies, "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bedin pure ecstasy."


    The redneck says, "That ain't nothing buddy. When I've finished pokin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my wiener on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceiling !
    =========+=========+=========+=========+========+= =====
    Originally Posted by braif

    We need a multi-linqual international special STFU liaison officer around here

    Comment


    • #3
      Why did the chicken cross the road?

      Because he looked both ways and there were no cars coming so he went ahead and crossed the road and everything was fine when he did because he was smart enough to look both ways before crossing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Did you hear about the lesbian couple who built a house?

        They didn't use any nails. It was all tounge 'n groove.

        Comment


        • #5


          Q: What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?


          A: On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.




          Comment


          • #6
            What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley?


            You can get two dirt bags on a Harley.




            If you use the 1 to 10 rating scale for women, what's a 12?

            One that can suck start the aforementioned Harley
            Last edited by Belva; 05-23-2015, 08:31 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

              A number of words mean "fool" in various keys. A brinjah is a comical person; to brinja is to play the fool. Fool can be an adjective meaning foolish: "Cho, man! You too fool!" - or as the abstract noun, foolishness: "De whol a de nex week Wasp wid him fool fly up an dung."—Frederic G. Cassidy

              Comment


              • #8
                So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
                A number of words mean "fool" in various keys. A brinjah is a comical person; to brinja is to play the fool. Fool can be an adjective meaning foolish: "Cho, man! You too fool!" - or as the abstract noun, foolishness: "De whol a de nex week Wasp wid him fool fly up an dung."—Frederic G. Cassidy

                Comment


                • #9
                  How do you drown a blonde?

                  Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
                  A number of words mean "fool" in various keys. A brinjah is a comical person; to brinja is to play the fool. Fool can be an adjective meaning foolish: "Cho, man! You too fool!" - or as the abstract noun, foolishness: "De whol a de nex week Wasp wid him fool fly up an dung."—Frederic G. Cassidy

                  Comment


                  • #10

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Jesus

                      I was 23 and carefree when I posted this thread.


                      Now I own a house.




                      Here's my joke.

                      Johnny was a schoolboy when he heard his first Beatles song, which inspired him to take up the guitar.
                      He worked and scrimped and saved until he was able to walk into the local shop and pay, in cash, for his dream guitar; a Les Paul.
                      He went home, tuned it up, and started practicing. Soon enough, his father walked into the room and asked if he took requests.
                      "Sure, dad, what do you want to hear?"
                      "Can you play 'Far, Far Away,' son?"
                      Johnny went all Pete Townshend on his dad and soon learned why bolt-necks are superior to set-necks.
                      Member: MFSoaPS, OJ moo moos
                      Grand High Master Of The Cheese Toast Ninja Clan
                      70's Giannini Acoustic
                      Ibanez SZ520QM
                      Ibanes RG450DX - Yeah, It's back and better than ever

                      My SongS (note the "s"; there are now two actual songs there!!) - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=518887

                      TheBeatButcher - RG450 is now "Batman" . . . no, wait: "Lefty"

                      That is all.



                      Dr. Tweedbucket - Make sure you center the [Future Moon Pie Shells] together first other wise you will have a stupid homemade, off center looking MooN PiE that everyone will laugh at !!

                      TheFox - STRAWBREIS R MAH FAVORIET FOD!111111 OMG LOL I CUD AAT THAM AL DAY!1!1!!1!1 YUM YUM YUM!!1!11!1

                      doomed-4-life - Have no fear little one, if this is truly the end we will all go on to a better place, some say that that place is paradise, Well I don't know about that, but I do believe there will be bitches and cheese toast

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
                        4, One to change it, and 3 to talk about how good the old one was

                        How many software Programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
                        None, it's a hardware problem.

                        2 blondes are laying in the backyard looking at the moon and one says:
                        Which do you think is farther away, The Moon, or Florida?
                        The other says Duh! Can you see Florida?

                        A man is in a hospital room with a oxygen mask on and a nurse comes in.
                        She says: "Sir I'm here to give you your medication"
                        The man says what the nurse hears as "Are my testicles black?"
                        Nurse says: "Sir I'm just here to give you your meds, the Doctor will examine you".
                        The man keeps repeating it and is getting more and more agitated and the Nurse keeps telling him the same thing,
                        Frustrated the Nurse glares at him and throws up his gown, picks up his penis and testicles and looks all over at them and yells, "NO SIR, YOUR TESTICLES ARE NOT BLACK!!"
                        The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says "Are my test results back?"

                        Last edited by AlamoJoe; 05-23-2015, 01:05 PM. Reason: nuther joke
                        http://thebasement.createaforum.com/

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          "Mommy, mommy why am I walking around in circles?"

                          "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor too!"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            How do you get a nun pregnant?
                            Dress her up as an altar boy.

                            Comment


                            • #15

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