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  • I just quit my band....

    I gave about 6 weeks

  • #2

    I

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    • #3
      Next time, make it your band. Then you can choose to do what you want and delegate the rest to other members as you see fit. Unfortunately, that comes with it's own share of headaches, too. Finding a group of equally responsible musicians? I don't know of any such thing. But there are better situations than the one you were in. Good luck!
      All there really is, is virtue and vice.

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      • #4
        I How should I deal with people that don
        _________________________________________________
        band websites:
        http://www.JumpStartYourParty.com
        https://www.gigmasters.com/Rock/Jump-Start
        https://www.facebook.com/JumpStartYourParty
        http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/jumps...587fe5f12.html

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        • #5
          I won't be in a band w/ a couple--too many bad experiences. But, if the two of you are a good team (and it sounds like it, with you setting up the PA and her doing the booking), it sounds like you've got the catbird seat in this band. Find a new drummer and guitarist (who, unlike me, are willing to be in a band w/ a couple).
          Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)

          Find our album on iTunes!

          A Month of Songs (Songwriting blog)







          Originally Posted by gennation


          Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.

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          • #6
            I won't be in a band w/ a couple--too many bad experiences. But, if the two of you are a good team (and it sounds like it, with you setting up the PA and her doing the booking), it sounds like you've got the catbird seat in this band. Find a new drummer and guitarist (who, unlike me, are willing to be in a band w/ a couple).


            My experience was good because THEY were good. I haven't had any bad experiences with a couple but I can only imagine that it would be bad if the COUPLE made it so. Why else would it be otherwise? So the OP might really need to take a goods look at how they handle their couple-ness while being band members and make sure that any mistakes they might have made in the previous band they don't make in the next one.

            Although, I will note that he didn't say that his spouse quit the band.
            _________________________________________________
            band websites:
            http://www.JumpStartYourParty.com
            https://www.gigmasters.com/Rock/Jump-Start
            https://www.facebook.com/JumpStartYourParty
            http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/jumps...587fe5f12.html

            Comment


            • #7


              Although, I will note that he didn't say that his spouse quit the band.


              That could be the best thing that's happened to him in this situation. I've had enough bad luck with couples in bands that I'm willing to consider it being MY problem, and not the couples', but it's a problem either way. The big problems aren't that the couple brings relationship bull**************** into the band--usually they're self aware enough for that. The problems are that 1) you've reduced your networking potential, as couples usually know the same people, and 2) you've got a "voting block" that will almost always stick together in band decisions. If you're in a 3 piece, you're just ****************ed. In a 4- or 5-piece, getting two more votes on any issue is a majority. The couple suddenly becomes the most powerful force in the band.

              Except for this one couple I worked with, where they REALLY got off on conflict (and, presumably, the disgusting make-up fornication), and I could get any decision to go my way by pitting the wife against the husband. But still, that's a toxic environment, and not what I'm looking for.

              Anyway, can you tell that I've got a Sunday morning gig at a motorcycle festival, and therefore decided to do my drinking tonight?
              Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)

              Find our album on iTunes!

              A Month of Songs (Songwriting blog)







              Originally Posted by gennation


              Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.

              Comment


              • #8
                That could be the best thing that's happened to him in this situation. I've had enough bad luck with couples in bands that I'm willing to consider it being MY problem, and not the couples', but it's a problem either way. The big problems aren't that the couple brings relationship bull**************** into the band--usually they're self aware enough for that. The problems are that 1) you've reduced your networking potential, as couples usually know the same people, and 2) you've got a "voting block" that will almost always stick together in band decisions. If you're in a 3 piece, you're just ****************ed. In a 4- or 5-piece, getting two more votes on any issue is a majority. The couple suddenly becomes the most powerful force in the band.


                I can see how that might be. I think the key, again, is to just have everybody on the same page from the outset. I've never been big on band "voting". I've never been interested in joining any band that didn't have enough of a direction mapped out that there wouldn't ever really be that much to vote ON. And I like bands with a relatively strong leadership core. Whether that involve me or not, I don't care much---I'll take charge if the band needs it or I'm fine just showing up and playing my parts as long as a feel comfortable that the band leader(s) has their **************** together. But yeah, I can see that if a band is much of a democracy at all, having a 2-person block would pretty much make being a democracy pointless.

                Anyway, can you tell that I've got a Sunday morning gig at a motorcycle festival, and therefore decided to do my drinking tonight?


                Not yet. You need to have a couple more.
                _________________________________________________
                band websites:
                http://www.JumpStartYourParty.com
                https://www.gigmasters.com/Rock/Jump-Start
                https://www.facebook.com/JumpStartYourParty
                http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/jumps...587fe5f12.html

                Comment


                • #9
                  Or, at the very least, help from the other members. No excuse for anyone standing around during set up. I don't care WHO owns the PA, everyone should pitch in and get it set up. You all use it. (Unless the owner of the PA doesn't WANT any help, of course)


                  That would be nice. In my band, I setup the PA. Occasionally someone will help with the monitor runs. During pack up everyone pretty much pitches in. (Load in 3 hours. Load out 45 minutes) I really like the help at the end of the gig. (I have setup the system so it's hard to set it up wrong.) My only complaint is when someone takes out one of my cable cases before everything is packed up. (I always do the cables after the large items are off the stage and out of the way.)

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                  • #10
                    That would be nice. In my band, I setup the PA. Occasionally someone will help with the monitor runs. During pack up everyone pretty much pitches in. (Load in 3 hours. Load out 45 minutes) I really like the help at the end of the gig. (I have setup the system so it's hard to set it up wrong.) My only complaint is when someone takes out one of my cable cases before everything is packed up. (I always do the cables after the large items are off the stage and out of the way.)


                    In our band, only myself and the singer actually set up the PA, staging and lights . We also own the PA, lights and staging, store it, transport it, etc. After not getting much help, we basically said the everyone was on a basic per gig pay system. So all the players get X amount of money. If we book a gig that exceeds that amount, then the singer and myself split the overage, for all the trouble we go through with the PA, staging and lights. We haven't had anyone complain about it, as really, the "band" is mostly the singer and myself with the others just showing up and playing the music. Every "band" is different, and folks need to figure out which method ( template as guido calls it ) works for them.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That would be nice. In my band, I setup the PA. Occasionally someone will help with the monitor runs. During pack up everyone pretty much pitches in. (Load in 3 hours. Load out 45 minutes) I really like the help at the end of the gig. (I have setup the system so it's hard to set it up wrong.) My only complaint is when someone takes out one of my cable cases before everything is packed up. (I always do the cables after the large items are off the stage and out of the way.)


                      We're getting the load-in thing down better. We've got it down to 1 1/2-2 hours. We try to give ourselves 3 in case there are problems. Everyone has their duties. The sound guy sets up the mixer, the FOH speakers and runs the snake. The singer, bass player and guitarist set up the backlighting first. I get started on the monitor mixer. The drummer starts unpacking his kit. When the backlighting is up then the drummer can set up his riser and his kit and the bass player, guitarist and I move to our personal gear. The singer starts running mic cables. The bass player and guitarist move to the front lighting. Then a quick sound check if the venue/gig allows and we're good to go.
                      _________________________________________________
                      band websites:
                      http://www.JumpStartYourParty.com
                      https://www.gigmasters.com/Rock/Jump-Start
                      https://www.facebook.com/JumpStartYourParty
                      http://www.weddingwire.com/biz/jumps...587fe5f12.html

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thanks everyone for the great responses!

                        I think the key, again, is to just have everybody on the same page from the outset. I've never been big on band "voting". I've never been interested in joining any band that didn't have enough of a direction mapped out that there wouldn't ever really be that much to vote ON.

                        This is how is should be! We've tried the band voting and it's always caused problems, because there's been that one guy that is not on the same page.

                        As far as the couple thing - we've really made an effort to not mix our 'couple-ness" with the band "couple-ness".

                        In our band, only myself and the singer actually set up the PA, staging and lights . We also own the PA, lights and staging, store it, transport it, etc. After not getting much help, we basically said the everyone was on a basic per gig pay system. So all the players get X amount of money. If we book a gig that exceeds that amount, then the singer and myself split the overage, for all the trouble we go through with the PA, staging and lights.


                        This sounds like a great plan.

                        We did a festival last night and had a number of people wanting to book us, so there's now some awkwardness with that. Plus I fear that the band is going to fall apart instead of moving forward with a new bass player. Today, the wife asked if I was going to turn into one of those jaded bitter musicians that never plays anymore (you know - the type that puts up all those CL rants!). My answer: Only if I stay in this band!

                        We still have a few more gigs to do, so we'll see how things end up. We have a couple clubs that have booked us until the end of the year, but I'm thinking that if we give several weeks notice, we should be able to cancel without falling out of favor for whatever the next incarnation will be.

                        Wish me luck!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Plus I fear that the band is going to fall apart instead of moving forward with a new bass player. Today, the wife asked if I was going to turn into one of those jaded bitter musicians that never plays anymore (you know - the type that puts up all those CL rants!). My answer: Only if I stay in this band!

                          We still have a few more gigs to do, so we'll see how things end up. We have a couple clubs that have booked us until the end of the year, but I'm thinking that if we give several weeks notice, we should be able to cancel without falling out of favor for whatever the next incarnation will be.


                          Well, none of this is on you, imo. You quit the band, you gave reasonable notice, and you are prepared to serve out your time. If they can't find another bass player in six weeks, the band was doomed in any case, and if they goof up the relationship with venues during the transition, oh well, not your problem.

                          Obviously it indirectly influences your life because your wife is still involved in the band, and I won't try to get into the marital side of things, but I think there has to be a "Chinese wall" at some point where you can be a supportive spouse, but won't get dragged into any drama with what is now "her" band.

                          That said, it seems like the band still has significant "brand equity". Is there any chance of you and her taking over e.g. who would have to go, and what would the new lineup look like?

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                          • #14
                            [QUOTE=GoodDogYall;43452816]How should I deal with people that don
                            (This is my Non-Signature.)

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                            • #15
                              In our band, only myself and the singer actually set up the PA, staging and lights . We also own the PA, lights and staging, store it, transport it, etc. After not getting much help, we basically said the everyone was on a basic per gig pay system. So all the players get X amount of money. If we book a gig that exceeds that amount, then the singer and myself split the overage, for all the trouble we go through with the PA, staging and lights. We haven't had anyone complain about it, as really, the "band" is mostly the singer and myself with the others just showing up and playing the music. Every "band" is different, and folks need to figure out which method ( template as guido calls it ) works for them.


                              So you get comped from the bandmates which is pretty standard practice,
                              What I'm trying to understand your already getting comped, but comp again when you make extra? Maybe I missed something.

                              I'm in a band and we comp for PA and lights and have no problems but we get equal cut after the comp is taken out. I dunno your math seems weird to me.

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