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why do some musicians show up for one practice and all of a sudden disapear on me?

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  • #16
    Here's a situation I've been on both sides of--a good/great musician can sit in and sound amazing to a group that's hitting way below his weight class. It'll feel like everything's clicking, because he's indulging you out of politeness, avoiding conflict, and counting down the minutes he has to be there. It's happened to me with much better players trying out with my band, and I've been the guy sitting in with a crappier band.
    Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)

    Find our album on iTunes!

    A Month of Songs (Songwriting blog)







    Originally Posted by gennation


    Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.

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    • #17
      OP, no offense, but if this happens to you a lot, to me it means these guys are seeing something in you, your organization (or lack of), your songs, choice of direction, quality of equipment, etc., that for whatever reason doesn't work or doesn't click for them. They choose to not come back and not answer calls because they don't want the confrontation, or rather they choose incommuncation over confrontation. Take a long and honest look at yourself.

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      • #18
        You should be glad that you get it over and done with rather than spending 6 months with them and then having them quit.
        Don Boomer

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        • #19
          I'm not ashamed to say that I've "disappeared" after a one time get together on a few occasions over the years. In each case - it's been because I felt I was the victim of a "bait and switch" tactic on the part of the guys I had gotten together with.





          Whenever I'm looking for a new project - I always make sure that I have a pretty thorough telephone discussion with whoever my point of contact with the potential project is. That telephone conversation is as much for me to see if the project sounds like something I'm going to be interested in - as it is for the project to see if I sound like the keyboard player they're looking for. In the course of the conversation, I'm piecing together answers to some very specific question - such as:
          • What is the project's instrument lineup and who are the players?

          • What material is on the project's current playlist - and where are they trying to get to in terms of playlist?

          • What sort of gear are the other players using in their individual rigs?

          • How is the band handling PA?

          • How often does the band rehearse? Does everybody come prepared? ...etc.

          • What's the band's gigging plans (what gigs are currently booked now? How often does the band want to work? What venues are they hoping to get into?)

          Given the answers to these guestions - I usually come away with a good idea as to whether or not I'm interested. If it sounds like it's got potentially - I'll accept an invite to a face to face audition / rehearsal / jam, etc. If it's not - I've got no qualms about saying it doesn't sound like it's a good fit for me - and declining the invite.



          Over the years however, I've accepted to a face to face invite only to discover that the band in the basement isn't anything like the band that was described to me over the phone! The "excellent" guitar player who asked me "what chord are you playing" gave me the ol' deer in the headlights" look when I told him "Am" and then had to help him pick out the individual notes since he didn't know them by note name. The "awesome" drummer who had no clue what I meant when I asked him to play a "shuffle" beat. The band that claimed to be "gig ready" yet couldn't come up with 10 tunes they could play from front to back on demand - or that claimed to be negotiating gigs to play a couple of "B+/A-" venues in the area - with their beat up pair of 1st generation EONs on sticks and 6 channel Behringer self powered mixer.



          When I've found myself the obvious victim of a "bait and switch" sales job - I'm not interested in being honest with the guy who tried to sell it to me. At the first opportunity, I do the "Oh ****************! I just got a test message from my day gig! I gotta go!" thing - then I pack quickly and vanish!
          The SpaceNorman

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          • #20






            Quote Originally Posted by SpaceNorman
            View Post

            I'm not ashamed to say that I've "disappeared" after a one time get together on a few occasions over the years. In each case - it's been because I felt I was the victim of a "bait and switch" tactic on the part of the guys I had gotten together with.





            Whenever I'm looking for a new project - I always make sure that I have a pretty thorough telephone discussion with whoever my point of contact with the potential project is. That telephone conversation is as much for me to see if the project sounds like something I'm going to be interested in - as it is for the project to see if I sound like the keyboard player they're looking for. In the course of the conversation, I'm piecing together answers to some very specific question - such as:
            • What is the project's instrument lineup and who are the players?

            • What material is on the project's current playlist - and where are they trying to get to in terms of playlist?

            • What sort of gear are the other players using in their individual rigs?

            • How is the band handling PA?

            • How often does the band rehearse? Does everybody come prepared? ...etc.

            • What's the band's gigging plans (what gigs are currently booked now? How often does the band want to work? What venues are they hoping to get into?)

            Given the answers to these guestions - I usually come away with a good idea as to whether or not I'm interested. If it sounds like it's got potentially - I'll accept an invite to a face to face audition / rehearsal / jam, etc. If it's not - I've got no qualms about saying it doesn't sound like it's a good fit for me - and declining the invite.



            Over the years however, I've accepted to a face to face invite only to discover that the band in the basement isn't anything like the band that was described to me over the phone! The "excellent" guitar player who asked me "what chord are you playing" gave me the ol' deer in the headlights" look when I told him "Am" and then had to help him pick out the individual notes since he didn't know them by note name. The "awesome" drummer who had no clue what I meant when I asked him to play a "shuffle" beat. The band that claimed to be "gig ready" yet couldn't come up with 10 tunes they could play from front to back on demand - or that claimed to be negotiating gigs to play a couple of "B+/A-" venues in the area - with their beat up pair of 1st generation EONs on sticks and 6 channel Behringer self powered mixer.



            When I've found myself the obvious victim of a "bait and switch" sales job - I'm not interested in being honest with the guy who tried to sell it to me. At the first opportunity, I do the "Oh ****************! I just got a test message from my day gig! I gotta go!" thing - then I pack quickly and vanish!




            A good description.



            Sometimes the "bait and switch" is intentional deception; other times, it's their idea of what "normal" is.



            I have had long post-first-rehearsal discussions and even sent a long email once. I look back on each of these attempts to clarify my reasons for not continuing and I wonder . . . . what was the point? One guy did respond by thanking me for my candor.

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            • #21
              I have loaded out on start up projects after 20 mins. It doesnt take long to figure out that it aint ever gonna work. People really only gut it out trough the whole session to be polite. I used to try to give start up projects a while to see if the would address the short falls in things like lead singers and drummers etc. Some people just will never get a band up and running because they dont know how bad it really is sounding.
              "you mess with him and you mess with the whole trailer park"

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              • #22






                Quote Originally Posted by Pro Sound Guy
                View Post

                umm, I dont think so. The point entirely is the music. If you have a rehearsal for the first time with a new member and it sucks then they are not coming back. If it happens several times then its obviously not working musically. I left out the personal part because the OP claims they got along great until they made music together.




                no, the OP never claimed they made music together.
                Originally Posted by Yarbicus


                I love you.









                Originally Posted by Yarbicus


                I STILL love you!









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                I know that bag. I know it well. Liquor store pron. He ain't dead yet!



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                • #23






                  Quote Originally Posted by SpaceNorman
                  View Post



                  Over the years however, I've accepted to a face to face invite only to discover that the band in the basement isn't anything like the band that was described to me over the phone! The "excellent" guitar player who asked me "what chord are you playing" gave me the ol' deer in the headlights" look when I told him "Am" and then had to help him pick out the individual notes since he didn't know them by note name. The "awesome" drummer who had no clue what I meant when I asked him to play a "shuffle" beat. The band that claimed to be "gig ready" yet couldn't come up with 10 tunes they could play from front to back on demand - or that claimed to be negotiating gigs to play a couple of "B+/A-" venues in the area - with their beat up pair of 1st generation EONs on sticks and 6 channel Behringer self powered mixer.



                  When I've found myself the obvious victim of a "bait and switch" sales job - I'm not interested in being honest with the guy who tried to sell it to me. At the first opportunity, I do the "Oh ****************! I just got a test message from my day gig! I gotta go!" thing - then I pack quickly and vanish!




                  Great post. Been there and done that. Its amazing how clueless some people are about music.
                  http://www.paulzerra.com/

                  Here is a Blues tune I do w/my trio to warm up:

                  https://www.box.com/s/43da5e4ca6432d021eb8

                  Music teacher and piano player.

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                  • #24
                    Back to the task.



                    I wouldn't want to say that my skills/personality would be a prime factor cause I have a consistent group of musicians that I've worked with over the years through different projects. The original post I made was more of a rant than anything. It seems 25% of my searches got me musicians that stick, the other %25 don't but tell me and then %50 are the flakes.
                    Guitars:
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                    -Fender Stratocaster with Seymour Duncan Hotrail in bridge
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                    • #25
                      It happened to us tonight. My group had a meet-up scheduled with a prospective guitar player, but the guy bailed. Turns out he has put "guitar player looking" ads on CL for the last few months with no takers, and doesn't play out anywhere, so it's probably all for the better. Slim pickins out there!
                      Gear: a room full of really LOUD plastic crap

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                      • #26
                        There's as many ways to "be a musician" as there are ways to "be a person", and a lot of musicians take their personal relationship to playing and their identity as a musician (way too) seriously, often without examining it very closely. There's endless reasons why someone might flake or not communicate clearly why they don't want to follow through.



                        People have different takes on reality! The "bait and switch" that Norm talks about exemplifies this, or could.



                        Also, for better or for worse, artists tend to be more sensitive than the average joe. It's a cliche, but it's true in my experience. They'll make mountains out of molehills, and avoid "conflicts" that others don't even see.

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                        • #27






                          Quote Originally Posted by rog951
                          View Post

                          Rule#1: musicians are flakes.




                          +INFINITY!!!!! Not to mention completley and utterly unable to be confrontational about ANYTHING....believe me, you're not alone, that's happened to me and other musos I knew back when I was gigging and playing in bands more times than I can even count....Seriously man I know it can be frustrating as all hell, but try not to sweat it too much (I know easier said than done) it's just part of "the game"...good luck man, I hope you meet some "real deals" soon...
                          Originally Posted by co&cafan808


                          chevybusa ****************in delivers the lulz!!!



                          Using and abusing Reason 4.0 (with tons of ReFills) and Logic 9 (with tons of soft synths, VSTi's and plug-ins)
                          via
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                          on
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                          with
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                          Originally Posted by OldGuitarPlayer


                          Ahhh...John Cage. The ultimate troll.









                          Originally Posted by Anderton


                          Just remember...machines don't kill music, people do.

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                          • #28






                            Quote Originally Posted by sharkbait
                            View Post

                            There's as many ways to "be a musician" as there are ways to "be a person", and a lot of musicians take their personal relationship to playing and their identity as a musician (way too) seriously, often without examining it very closely.




                            By jove, I think you're right! One of the most astute observations I have read on a musician's forum- and deserving of a thread all itself IMO.
                            Gear: a room full of really LOUD plastic crap

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                            • #29
                              I've always wondered about that musical identity thing, and why some people carry it off the stage and into other aspects of their life. Maybe's it's all they have.



                              But not everyone that plays wants to be some kind of rock star.
                              Kickin' it in the sticks...

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                              • #30






                                Quote Originally Posted by ForgetMeNacht
                                View Post

                                This seems to be a too common scenario when it comes to getting band members. I meet a musician either through ads/networking/chance meeting. We hit it off and keep regular contact leading up to the practice. I tell the person up front that if anything should come up and that if he's not interested, just let me know.



                                Two scenes happen. The guy shows up for one practice or doesn't show up at all. I call up and I go either straight to voice mail or the # is disconnected. I email and message the guy and no response, ever.



                                I never hear a single word from the person, ever since.



                                What is the big deal? If you can't be in the band for a sudden reason, that's fine. I just wish for some form of communication. You don't even have to give a reason, just don't leave me hanging.



                                Am I the only person who goes through this BS? Is there some kind of "cold shoulder" virus that spreads among musicians?




                                By any chance, is there a way we can hear your demos? Just curious, will give a pretty constructive criticism if that's alright with you?
                                Find me and the rest of the guise here: www.guitarampboard.com

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