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why do some musicians show up for one practice and all of a sudden disapear on me?

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  • why do some musicians show up for one practice and all of a sudden disapear on me?

    This seems to be a too common scenario when it comes to getting band members. I meet a musician either through ads/networking/chance meeting. We hit it off and keep regular contact leading up to the practice. I tell the person up front that if anything should come up and that if he's not interested, just let me know.



    Two scenes happen. The guy shows up for one practice or doesn't show up at all. I call up and I go either straight to voice mail or the # is disconnected. I email and message the guy and no response, ever.



    I never hear a single word from the person, ever since.



    What is the big deal? If you can't be in the band for a sudden reason, that's fine. I just wish for some form of communication. You don't even have to give a reason, just don't leave me hanging.



    Am I the only person who goes through this BS? Is there some kind of "cold shoulder" virus that spreads among musicians?
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  • #2






    Quote Originally Posted by ForgetMeNacht
    View Post

    This seems to be a too common scenario when it comes to getting band members. I meet a musician either through ads/networking/chance meeting. We hit it off and keep regular contact leading up to the practice. I tell the person up front that if anything should come up and that if he's not interested, just let me know.



    Two scenes happen. The guy shows up for one practice or doesn't show up at all. I call up and I go either straight to voice mail or the # is disconnected. I email and message the guy and no response, ever.



    I never hear a single word from the person, ever since.



    What is the big deal? If you can't be in the band for a sudden reason, that's fine. I just wish for some form of communication. You don't even have to give a reason, just don't leave me hanging.



    Am I the only person who goes through this BS? Is there some kind of "cold shoulder" virus that spreads among musicians?




    You can have all the chat and discussion in the world and hit it off but what it comes down to is the music dood.

    Its how you play and they play together. That is it in a nutshell. "Music is a feel thing"

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    • #3






      Quote Originally Posted by Pro Sound Guy
      View Post

      You can have all the chat and discussion in the world and hit it off but what it comes down to is the music dood.

      Its how you play and they play together. That is it in a nutshell. "Music is a feel thing"




      umm, you missed the point entirely.





      and yea OP, musicians are a flakey bunch. it's just the way it is.
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      • #4
        Either you're super weird, you suck, or you've just had a really bad run of luck.



        Here's hoping it's just the latter...

        Brian V.
        "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell

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        • #5
          It happens to everybody, but you're lucky to find out early that these people aren't right for you or the band. It's disgustingly disrespectful not to hear anything back from people like that, so you're better off not having to deal with characters like that as bandmates.
          Do you need live drum tracks? http://www.drumtracksdirect.co.uk/

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          • #6
            Rule#1: musicians are flakes.



            So yes, there's definitely a chance you've just run into a bunch of flakey musician types.



            That said, if this was regularly happening to me, I'd take a good look at myself to make sure I wasn't putting these people off somehow. If they tended to bail after the first rehearsal, I'd either suspect my playing was not up to snuff or, assuming the rehearsal was at my place, that maybe the person was repulsed by my enormous, prominently-displayed collection of shrunken alligator heads.



            Seriously, be honest with yourself: do you have bad B.O.? Bad breath? Sometimes people have these things without realizing how bad they are - I have a good friend who has chronic halitosis. It's a medical condition and once he figured it out, the doctor treated it and he now has a super-hot, way out of his league girlfriend.



            Are you an evangelical Christian that wants to save the world? Musicians will run from these type of guys at the speed of light.



            Do you always wear your lucky T-shirt? The comfy one with "I heart Charles Manson" printed on it?



            Just saying, try to objectively rule out the obvious stuff and see what's left. Maybe discuss it with friends/family? They know you better than anyone and might have some insight into why this keeps happening. Good luck!
            >>>Click here for my list of smooooov deals!

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            • #7
              Are you cranky? Do you tell people how much you hate rock/country/blues/rap? Do you brag about the hours you spend learning Rush albums note-for-note, then making people listen to your recordings of said Rush songs over the phone? Do you suck? Does your music suck? If this is an originals project, do your charts suck? Is one your band members an alpha dog protecting his territory?
              --Hammond: BC, M3, Split L111, L122 / Leslie: 51, 760 / Yamaha: DGX-620, PF-85Follow my new band, Dr. Bombay! We're going to be organasmic!

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              • #8
                While it's true many musicians are flaky, perhaps you could set it up a little better at the end of the first rehearsal.



                When it's over, say "go home and think about it If this is not for you, just let me know. No hard feelings"



                Sometimes, people don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so they figure no contact is better than saying no.



                But if this happens all the time, then maybe you try the other advice posted here and check yourself out and see how you are coming across to others.



                Good luck, it's tough finding the right group of musicians.

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                • #9
                  Are they by chance bass players your having issues with?

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                  • #10






                    Quote Originally Posted by wrongnote85
                    View Post

                    umm, you missed the point entirely.




                    umm, I dont think so. The point entirely is the music. If you have a rehearsal for the first time with a new member and it sucks then they are not coming back. If it happens several times then its obviously not working musically. I left out the personal part because the OP claims they got along great until they made music together.

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                    • #11
                      That happened to a band that I was in a few years ago. We were looking for a singer and we found this guy who was looking to sing in a band. We set up a time to meet, he shows up and everything goes great. He was a talented singer, liked the band, the whole nine yards. We came up with a few songs to work on for the next week, most of them being his choices, and was excited to get the band underway. That was the last we saw of him. He never showed again and didn't return any of our calls.

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                      • #12






                        Quote Originally Posted by JimiRules
                        View Post

                        That happened to a band that I was in a few years ago. We were looking for a singer and we found this guy who was looking to sing in a band. We set up a time to meet, he shows up and everything goes great. He was a talented singer, liked the band, the whole nine yards. We came up with a few songs to work on for the next week, most of them being his choices, and was excited to get the band underway. That was the last we saw of him. He never showed again and didn't return any of our calls.




                        I've experienced that, those type of people want to be in a band, but don't plan on actually doing anything in the band.



                        Some of these people though, it's like if you've suddenly changed your mind are can't commit or just aren't interested, what the motherf*** is wrong with just getting in touch and saying "sorry, I've changed my mind"? They could send that in a text in about thirty seconds.
                        Do you need live drum tracks? http://www.drumtracksdirect.co.uk/

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                        • #13
                          Bands. People.



                          It doesn't have much to do with the fact that they are musos.



                          When you go to a job, there are plenty of whack jobs that have to keep their whack-ness at bay if they like the paycheck. Not so at band practice. So the people element comes thru. Try starting any business with someone you find off the street and see what happens.



                          Bottom line is know what professionalism is. Expect it from yourself and everyone around you. Outline it to a prospective band mate before they get involved. If they bail, don't worry. You think the manager gives a **************** if some kid doesn't show up or call for a shift? He gets pissed for 30 seconds cuz of the extra work, then does it and moves on. Same here.



                          Keep it pro. Do gigs and get paid.
                          "Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work" - Gustave Flaubert

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                          • #14






                            Quote Originally Posted by beatpoet
                            View Post

                            I've experienced that, those type of people want to be in a band, but don't plan on actually doing anything in the band.



                            Some of these people though, it's like if you've suddenly changed your mind are can't commit or just aren't interested, what the motherf*** is wrong with just getting in touch and saying "sorry, I've changed my mind"? They could send that in a text in about thirty seconds.






                            Tell me about it. If he changed his mind then no big deal, just let us know before we waste time learning songs that YOU want to do in the first place! Oh well, I guess you live and learn.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Who are you looking for? And what are you offering up? Is it just you? Originals or Covers?



                              I think all those factors make a big difference. For example:



                              - If you're a good guitarist but want to sing half the songs, and you're a bad singer. . . gone!

                              - If you're a songwriter and want to write all of the songs. . . gone!

                              - If its you and a drummer, a bad drummer. . . gone!

                              - If you're more "experienced" than most of the guys your getting together with. . . you get the picture.



                              - From my recent experience it's very difficult to "form" a band, it's much better to find a small group of guys and join-in, and then, maybe kick somebody out, and then add a piece here and there, etc. Then you can develop some connections and take it from there. All of the "successful" band I've been in were made up of combinations of people who knew each other from other failed projects, in one way or another.
                              Check my band: SoulPlay - > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TH9-e4FmaE
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