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  • How about "Aging out spouses"?

    Along the lines of the other threads.

    I'm 45, my wife is a couple of years older. She has always been supportive of my music addiction and usually goes to most shows with friends and dances all night.

    Now her best friend who was her partner in crime at gigs has moved away, and the other spouses don't really come out.

    It seems that she is kinda over the whole thing, and I don't really blame her. If I'm not gigging, I'm not hanging in bars. I can also see the support of my projects waning as she wants to spend more time doing other things.

    Has anyone else had a spouse who was supportive along the way but eventually lost interest and made it more difficult to stay involved in a gigging band?
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  • #2






    Quote Originally Posted by ckcondon
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    Has anyone else had a spouse who was supportive along the way but eventually lost interest and made it more difficult to stay involved in a gigging band?




    I'm 56 ... my wife is 56 as well. We celebrated our 25th anniversary this past October. I was "between bands" when we first met - but was back to playing a relatively regular "weekend warrior" schedule within a year or so. In those days - she came out semi-regularly. Now, it's a rare indeed for my wife to come out to a gig (I've been playing with one of my projects for approximately a year now - and the closest she's come to hearing it has been to catch a rehearsal recording when she walks into my music room).



    I am however, extremely fortunate. My wife was, is and has always been supportive of my playing. These days, I'm gigging 3-4 nights a month. If you figure that nominally there are 8 Friday and/or Saturday nights a month - that leaves 4-5 Friday and/or Saturday nights available for us to do whatever "couple" stuff we need to do. There are typically 2-3 "couple" events each year that she feels strongly are "must attend" things for me (typically weddings...). As long as I make sure I make "must attend" events - she never gives me any grief about playing.



    The only time I ever find myself in the dog house is if I've had a little too much to drink and still drove home.
    The SpaceNorman

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    • #3
      My wife hasn't been to a gig of mine in probably 4 years or so.

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      • #4
        My wife rarely comes out, and she's in her early 30s. Just not a bar person. I've got to go above and beyond to spend quality time w/ her on the nights I'm home, and I've learned to quit telling her about the female interest I receive--she doesn't like those stories.
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        <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
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        • #5
          My wife comes out about once or twice a month to gigs. I've been married 18 years and have played at least 2500 shows during that time- she's used to it. Gigging is the norm in my house. Sometimes I'll feel a little guilty because I'm seldom home Wed-Sat but it's always been that way. My wife complains when I'm not booked on the weekend.
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          • #6
            I'm 43 tomorrow, wife is 44 in a couple months.



            She came to see me play the night after we'd met, which is how I knew she was interested. We've been together a little over 10 years, and she has always known me as a gigging (and rehearsing) musician, initially doing all originals projects, and all covers for the past few years, often with a "primary " band and another 2-3 side projects going all at the same time.



            I'd say in the entire time we've been together, she's seen me play maybe 15-20 times across all the acts I've been with, and maybe three or four times max in the past two years.



            I don't press her to come, she doesn't press me about doing the gigs. I can live with that.
            <div class="signaturecontainer">For cripe's sake, somebody buy that kid a freaking DICTIONARY already!<br />
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            • #7
              I'm 51, my wife is 47. We've been together about 14 years. I met her "between bands" and while I had told her I used to play in bands, I never went into much detail. She had no idea the extent to which I did it. When I decided to get back into playing, she easily could have been resistant and, IMO, had the right to do so since I couldn't pull the "you knew what you were getting into" card with her. But instead she was super-supportive. Even to the point of saying she'd be fine with me going back out on the road if I wanted to.



              When I was playing local bars she'd come out if she didn't have to be up for work the next morning. Since we had a kid 5 years ago, she rarely comes out at all anymore. I wish she would because she's a good photographer/videographer. Occassionally we'll turn an overnighter into a mini vacation if it's in a nice location. Have a gig in Half Moon Bay at the end of January and we're thinking about bringing her out for that.
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              • #8






                Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Monkey
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                ... I've learned to quit telling her about the female interest I receive--she doesn't like those stories.




                I take a different tact on this facet of gigging. When I finally get home and crawl into bed after a gig - I always get the sleepy "How was your gig?" question. My usual response is "Great! We were rockin' tonight ... chicks were diggin' me!!!!" Her usual response is another sleepy "That's nice...."
                The SpaceNorman

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                Keyboards and Tone Generators: Yamaha CP300, Kronos 88, Roland AX Synth, Motif ES Rack
                Keyboard Rack: Samson SM10 Line Mixer, Motu MIDIExpressXT MIDI Interface, Shure PSM200 IEM system, M-Audio Wireless MIDI, Live Wires IEM ear buds, iPad wOnSong.
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                • #9






                  Quote Originally Posted by SpaceNorman
                  View Post

                  I take a different tact on this facet of gigging. When I finally get home and crawl into bed after a gig - I always get the sleepy "How was your gig?" question. My usual response is "Great! We were rockin' tonight ... chicks were diggin' me!!!!" Her usual response is another sleepy "That's nice...."




                  When we were playing bars, I'd come home and my wife would ask if we got any boobie-flashes that night. If I'd reply "no", she'd ask "we'll what were guys doing wrong tonight?"
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                  • #10






                    Quote Originally Posted by guido61
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                    When we were playing bars, I'd come home and my wife would ask if we got any boobie-flashes that night. If I'd reply "no", she'd ask "we'll what were guys doing wrong tonight?"




                    Having that kind of understanding and support from family sure makes pursuing music fun don't it? I'm gonna guess that like me - you too - find other ways to strike a balance between music and family life. It's just so much easier when your partner doesn't judge that balance solely by how many Friday and/or Saturday nights you're not at home.



                    Having played with guys whose wives made their musician lives a living hell - I thank my lucky stars that my wife "gets it" instead of trying to stop me from doing something that I love.
                    The SpaceNorman

                    www.facebook.com/SuperstarsOfRock
                    www.souldoutrocks.com

                    Keyboards and Tone Generators: Yamaha CP300, Kronos 88, Roland AX Synth, Motif ES Rack
                    Keyboard Rack: Samson SM10 Line Mixer, Motu MIDIExpressXT MIDI Interface, Shure PSM200 IEM system, M-Audio Wireless MIDI, Live Wires IEM ear buds, iPad wOnSong.
                    Stage Amplification: Stereo via 2 Yamaha DSR112s

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                    • #11






                      Quote Originally Posted by SpaceNorman
                      View Post

                      Having that kind of understanding and support from family sure makes pursuing music fun don't it? I'm gonna guess that like me - you too - find other ways to strike a balance between music and family life. It's just so much easier when your partner doesn't judge that balance solely by how many Friday and/or Saturday nights you're not at home.



                      Having played with guys whose wives made their musician lives a living hell - I thank my lucky stars that my wife "gets it" instead of trying to stop me from doing something that I love.




                      Any spouse who has that sort of jealousy would spill over into other parts of life as well. I can't imagine spending an entire marriage needing to walk-around a jealous wife. I see guys in those sorts of relationships and wonder how they live that way. I was just relating a story in another thread about a guitarist I know who was telling me he recently divorced his wife because the jealousy thing finally got to be too much and told me that the reason he pulled out of a project we tried to start up together a few years ago was because his wife couldn't stand the fact that there was a female vocalist in the band.



                      Just nonsense for adults to behave that way, IMO.



                      But a marriage has to be a two way street as well. As much as she is supportive of my music and my day job, I try to be supportive of her work and activities as well. Pretty much every night this week she's called me asking me to pick up the kid from the sitter because she needs to work late. Puts me out to do that, as I have to reschedule some of my stuff, but my stuff is easier to reschedule than hers and so I do it gladly. I pitch a fit about that sort of stuff, and maybe she's not so understanding about me needing to go out of town 30 weekends a year....
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                      • #12






                        Quote Originally Posted by guido61
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                        Any spouse who has that sort of jealousy would spill over into other parts of life as well...




                        Damn good point! Few things will destroy a relationship as quickly and/or as completely as unfounded jealousy issues!
                        The SpaceNorman

                        www.facebook.com/SuperstarsOfRock
                        www.souldoutrocks.com

                        Keyboards and Tone Generators: Yamaha CP300, Kronos 88, Roland AX Synth, Motif ES Rack
                        Keyboard Rack: Samson SM10 Line Mixer, Motu MIDIExpressXT MIDI Interface, Shure PSM200 IEM system, M-Audio Wireless MIDI, Live Wires IEM ear buds, iPad wOnSong.
                        Stage Amplification: Stereo via 2 Yamaha DSR112s

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                        • #13






                          Quote Originally Posted by guido61
                          View Post

                          When we were playing bars, I'd come home and my wife would ask if we got any boobie-flashes that night. If I'd reply "no", she'd ask "we'll what were guys doing wrong tonight?"




                          Our band never gets flashed--we're a singer-songwriter type roots act. I'm 15-20 yrs younger than the overweight and greying rest of the band, so I've got women who want to **************** me specifically rather than flash the band generally. It used to delight my wife hearing that I was a valuable commodity, now she'd rather not hear about the "competition".
                          <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
                          <br />
                          <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
                          <br />
                          <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
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                          <div class="bbcode_postedby">
                          <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
                          <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
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                          • #14
                            My GF is cool with the whole band thing. She'd just as soon not come. If the bass players wife is going to be there she might come to hang out with her for the night.





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                            • #15






                              Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Monkey
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                              Our band never gets flashed".




                              We stopped getting flashed 5-6 years ago. That was pretty much the final clue that we'd aged out of the bar scene. Sure took a lot of the fun out of it, anyway....
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