I know I am posting new thread that's kind of related to what I already posted, So I apologize if this is too much.
I think I've finally caught on to exactly what kind of mind game the bandleader and his associates has been playing all along, and I think this is how it goes.
I am sure you guys all have been in situations where the bandleader has asked you to go the extra mile for the band. You go along with it because it's for a good cause, and you feel good giving extra effort for the team. The bandleader tells the band member that he appreciate the sense of comradery we share, and you feel like you are in this exclusive club of people with common passion and dedication for the project. You feel like this is your "family"
..so far so good
But what if they kept on pushing you, raising the bar for that "extra mile", to the point where it's going way beyond what you think is reasonable? Maybe at that point noone is willing to speak up yet, because if you say no, it may make you sound selfish and you are not really "with the team". But eventually you'll get to that tipping point and something happens.
1)You finally speak up, but then you are dealing with guilt trip, and the band leader grills you on that. He tells you it's important and that he needs everyone to give that extra 10% more. If you feel guilty/responsible enough, you stick it out, telling yourself that this is for the band. After all, this is your family we got a good thing going here.. it's not worth losing over that extra 10%... and you usually feel good afterwards. The Cycle continues.
2)If you don't feel guilty about meeting that unreasonable demand, then the band leader will find "diplomatic" ways to oust you from the band. It usually goes like "I know that we are asking a lot, and if you this is too much for you I understand, if you can't do it, we'll find someone else, no hard feelings". Of course, the bandleader can choose to work within the limitation of what each bandmember can do, but that's not an option, because the gig is too important.
If you are the latter, you are actually in good shape, you got out before you got sucked in deep emotionaly.. but if you are the former, it just gets worse and worse, because the longer you stay, the more you feel like there is more at stake. The bars keeps on getting raised, but eventually until you get to the breaking point. Sooner or later you join catergory 2, unless he made a true believer out of you. Hopefully there is no hard feelings, it was a good ride but the band has to move on and I am sorry you can't be committed enough to go along with the ride.
But what I noticed about people in category 2 is that after they leave and they are not contributing to the band leader's project, you are pretty much ignored afterwards. A friend of mine was doing sound for us for free, and he told me as soon he told the bandleader he couldn't do it on one of the gig, he's gotten no love from the bandleader.
At that point, you start to wonder, All that talk about comradery, facade, and was this all a scheme to get people onto his agenda? I don't think I can ever know for sure.. but one thing I know is that I've met plenty of people in category 2 who feels bitter and is not in good terms with the bandleader.
I recently had a conversation with a DJ who worked with him, and here's how the conversation went
Me:"You know, I think our bandleader is playing this mind game on me and the band. He really gets you going and worked up about his project and he keeps on pushing you to do more and more, until it's too much to you.. but then he kinda"
DJ:"But then, he kind of puts you in a situation where you feel like you are the one being a dick for not wanting to go along with the plan?"
I was astonished, because he literally finished my setence for me before I could finish it.. and on top of that, the other band member has told me the same exact thing recently.
I don't know, this is a complicated issue, and I am just throwing it out in the open.. I figured you guys are more expereinced in dealing with all kinds of people in music biz, and maybe someone here has had similar expereince.