Members Outkaster Posted August 17, 2015 Members Share Posted August 17, 2015 I just had my first blow of attrition and had to fire someone, it wasn’t as bad as I thought but still hard. My bass player was with us from the beginning (the band is just under 4 years old) but recently there were cracks starting to show with the band musically. This was a guy that was vested in the band but wanted to do his thing musically sing lead and play bass. We have a female lead singer so I didn’t need him to sing lead in our band. He would do passive aggressive things and try to put his mic up closer to the front line instead of playing by the drummer or sing where we hadn’t rehearsed the vocals. I let it go on probably a little too long but I thought he would improve. Then he was missing notes or not playing the right lines. He liked being in the band because we were popular, getting good festival slots and opening up for major national acts. Musically it wasn't happening. Well yesterday we came to the conclusion that he had to move on to do his own thing, and to be able to satisfy himself musically because what he was doing here was not enough. He said he was getting older and needed to do this, and I found him trying to get members to form groups on the side. I actually knew that along as I would hear from other people or overhear conversations. It made it easier for me and everything is on good terms, he offered to play until I found someone. In my opinion it’s better to find someone new as it prolongs things if you don’t but I appreciated the offer. I do have a replacement kind of waiting in the wings. The reality of the situation has kind of hit me and I learned maybe we should have done this a year ago because he was going to quit then. I also learned that when you think things will get better with certain musicians it usually doesn’t. You sweep the warning sides under the rug thinking “well this person will improve” or “it’s OK it’s a big deal” Trying fit a musician into something they are not suited for doesn’t work out well even if they think they are doing fine. No one likes to fire someone that have known for 20 years but I was fretting it for a long time, I felt it eating at me. But small things become big things and people ended up not enjoying playing including me. The situation kind of sucks even though I have a feeling of relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ski219 Posted August 17, 2015 Members Share Posted August 17, 2015 I have a similar situation with my bassist. Similar in that he exhibits passive aggressive behavior regarding what songs we learn, by coming unprepared on songs we had agreed to and then suggesting other songs that I know won't fly... also trying to get in the ear of our female lead singer and foster unrest there. I have discussed this with him and jokingly threatened to take out a craigslist ad for a new bassist. I am currently, quietly looking for his replacement as I believe his behavior will revert before long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted August 18, 2015 Author Members Share Posted August 18, 2015 See and that passive-aggressive stuff gets old. I actually noticed it two years ago when he kept trying to inch up to the other keyboard player and singer on stage. Some stages were small and it would drive the lead singer nuts as she is very animated on stage, thing is people in the band wouldn't call him on it and bitch to me, they were too afraid to say anything about it. Funny you mention getting in the ear of the female lead singer and fostering unrest there because he tried doing that. They would smoke cigarettes after practice and I would overhear conversations sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wesg Posted August 18, 2015 Members Share Posted August 18, 2015 Sounds like it's going to work in the long run...hopefully your new bass player works out well. My drummer quit last year, which was a major downer, but the new guy is *awesome* and totally no drama. I was really excited when we found him, and he really brings the band up another notch. We're in a funny situation now, I'm constantly worried that people aren't happy because nobody complains about anything and everybody does their job. But I don't let my worry show, that stuff is poisonous. I'm actually annoyed at myself, I'm behind on "homework" but that's because I have a heavy gigging schedule in the summer and nobody else has any gigs, so they're learning new stuff and I'm winging it. I started fixing that last week and expect to be caught up in two weeks or so. The group we have now is interesting from a personnel POV, nobody is hurting for money, we all have reasonable amounts of free time, we can all play our instruments, we enjoy each other's company, none of us are "best friends", we have a good musical overlap...of course, we're all "old guys", I'm the youngest at 42 and two guys are retired. The other three of us are in mostly-management jobs. This group rehearses a lot, we enjoy the rehearsals..I would like to replace a lot of those rehearsals with gigs though BTW, if you are in a group with smokers, it can be helpful to enjoy a smoke now and then. It's a good way of getting the pulse of a social group. People say things when they are smoking that they wouldn't otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted August 18, 2015 Author Members Share Posted August 18, 2015 Can't do it Wes I am in tobacco cessation and research for a living but I don't push it on anyone. I am glad your dynamic is working out though. The band is worried about the chemistry changing but what I will tell them is it will so it can't be helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JailTime Posted October 1, 2015 Members Share Posted October 1, 2015 I also learned that when you think things will get better with certain musicians it usually doesn’t. You sweep the warning sides under the rug thinking “well this person will improve” or “it’s OK it’s a big deal” Trying fit a musician into something they are not suited for doesn’t work out well even if they think they are doing fine. No one likes to fire someone that have known for 20 years but I was fretting it for a long time, I felt it eating at me. But small things become big things and people ended up not enjoying playing including me. The situation kind of sucks even though I have a feeling of relief. So true - the relief, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted October 2, 2015 Author Members Share Posted October 2, 2015 Well an update on this is that this person is now making me the bad guy. He said he is not quitting and will hang out till I find someone new. That way if I fire him it's on me, not him who suggested he leave in the first place. It's his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. I have auditioned a guy already and two people in the band didn't like him so now it's back to square one. The worst timing of the whole thing is that we have a CD release party next Saturday night and this guy will be with us still. I can't wait till it's over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted October 3, 2015 Members Share Posted October 3, 2015 Well an update on this is that this person is now making me the bad guy. He said he is not quitting and will hang out till I find someone new. That way if I fire him it's on me' date=' not him who suggested he leave in the first place. It's his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. I have auditioned a guy already and two people in the band didn't like him so now it's back to square one. The worst timing of the whole thing is that we have a CD release party next Saturday night and this guy will be with us still. I can't wait till it's over.[/quote'] If it's "on you", so what. If he's got a passive-aggressive type personality, he's probably going to be the sort that won't take responsibility for himself and blame it all on you anyway. Even if he quit he'd tell everyone it was because you were difficult to work with or because the band sucked or whatever. So you might as well take the fall for it if it means moving on quicker. You were right in your first post that it's better to move on as quickly as possible. The offer to stick around until you find someone else is nice, but I've also been in that situation when it means you just never move on because not doing so is easier. Of course, finding a replacement is often easier said than done, I know. As far as the smoking break stuff goes? I've never smoked and never will, but I do often go hang with the smokers during the break. It definitely is where the "stuff" gets said that doesn't get said otherwise, it seems. For whatever reason, having a smoke seems to bring that out in people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted October 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted October 6, 2015 I do cessation for a living but anyway we have a break coming up from October 30th till November 28. I feel like telling him just to leave after this month Guido but I am not sure who I can get up to speed by then. It's a dilemma but I feel like this thing is being prolonged. I don't hate the guy or anything and known him 21 years but still the band has to move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted October 7, 2015 Members Share Posted October 7, 2015 Best to rip off that band-aid . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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