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  • Originally posted by MrKnobs
    What would be even better is to retire and come back half time, thus getting both the retirement check AND a paycheck. Big raise, half the hours.

    Working on it.

    T.

    That's EXACTLY what my partner did at my university. His was a research equipment development and support engineer. They "forced" him out w/ involuntary retirement then found out how tough it was to find a replacement. He works about 15 hrs/week at a higher pay rate than before he retired... with full benefits!

    Terry, it's just as good as you imagine it to be. Give it a try if you are given the opportunity.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Former product development engineer: Genz Benz, a KMC Music/FMIC/JAM Industries Company, continuing factory level product support and service for Genz Benz

    Currently product development engineer: Mesa Boogie

    Comment


    • I found myself suddenly telling this story over in Open Jam. I hope you don't mind the slightly raw subject matter. It IS music related, in that we had played a gig in Brownsville TX and thought after too many beers that it might be a good idea to cross over into Matamoros Mexico for a little female company. Something quite different happened instead.

      ------------------------------------------------------------------

      So I got thrown in jail in Matamoros one night. That really sucked, it was just a dirt floor, a brick wall, some barbed wire, and a pot to piss in. Me and two friend were arrested for being "queers." Apparently that's still against the law in Mexico.

      We weren't guilty, by the way.

      We were exceedingly drunk, however. We were practicing our Espanol by teasing some fat old whore in boystown, and she kept making increasingly lowball offers to attend to all of our needs at once. She finally bid $10 for all three of us, and said if we didn't take her up on it it would be because we must be queers and she'd call the cops on us.

      We were laughing a lot the whole time until the cops came and shackled us up.

      So they threw us in this sh*thole pigsty like holding pen with a bunch of dangerous looking Mexicans and a few disgustingly drunk projectile puking American frat boy types, one of whom was literally passed out face first in the disgusting mud. The f*cking place stunk from sh*t, piss, sweat, and puke like you wouldn't believe. I guess they didn't change the mud very often and business was good. And that is where we remained until we figured out we were supposed to bribe the policia to "escape."

      The guard accepted our money (it was just a $20), but there were several other guards posted at various distances and they were all carrying M16s (these were federales). We asked "our" guard what about the other guards and he shrugged and said, "That's between you and them."

      Not reassuring.

      So we bolted and hailed a cab, only to hear "our" guard sound the alarm a few minutes later. We should have been long gone but the streets were just a sea of deep, rippled, unpaved mud from the torrential rains earlier that week. It was surreal and quite sphincter puckering seeing all the heavily armed cops running around while we were right there in the back of a cab spinning its wheels.

      I'm sure they ran that scam a lot, they seemed very well rehearsed.

      We all kissed the ground, tongues and all, when we got back to the Estados Unidos.

      It would have been much cheaper and possibly less revolting if we'd all just gang banged the old whore. You live and learn.

      Terry D.

      $$$TDAJ$$
      Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

      Comment


      • Great story, a bit raw I agree but it was funny. Especially the beginning. Hopefully you'll be telling more soon. These really make me laugh!

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Six String Stuntman Steve
          Hehehe, you guys are really something, you know that? I love this forum. You guys are the most helpful. Next show I'm gonna try warm water. Only thing is, I'll hafta go to the boys room and we have the "cold water on the hands syndrome". Oh well, I'll find something.

          -Nigel


          Pee on your hands. That also keeps other band members from playing your bass.
          C++ for dummies:
          do.this()
          do.that()
          on.error(
          blame.microsoft())

          Comment


          • Hmmm, now that I know my sound "boss" is on here...

            I seem to remember him doing something about not plugging the amps into the board and asking why he wasn't getting sound..

            Or the other guy not plugging the speakers into the amp...

            ^same gig.


            Or the other guy start adjusting levels with headphones on, then tripping over the unplugged headphone cord....

            Or the 'boss' (pst*bigmike216*pst) splitting his pants....
            C++ for dummies:
            do.this()
            do.that()
            on.error(
            blame.microsoft())

            Comment


            • Originally posted by ctardi
              Hmmm, now that I know my sound "boss" is on here...

              I seem to remember him doing something about not plugging the amps into the board and asking why he wasn't getting sound..

              Or the other guy not plugging the speakers into the amp...

              ^same gig.


              Or the other guy start adjusting levels with headphones on, then tripping over the unplugged headphone cord....

              Or the 'boss' (pst*bigmike216*pst) splitting his pants....


              Yes. I split my pants. Those damn cheap black dress pants. I was heading to stage right, bent over to pick up my trombone, and someone nails me in the backside with a chair, catching a loose thread or something. That was an embarassing last set.

              Hey now. We all forget to cable something when in a rush. Figured it out real quick though.. Don't recall a certain someone noticing either

              Fortumately I wasn't the one with the headphone cable smacking my ankles when I wasn't getting and ouput.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by bigmike216


                Yes. I split my pants. Those damn cheap black dress pants. I was heading to stage right, bent over to pick up my trombone, and someone nails me in the backside with a chair, catching a loose thread or something. That was an embarassing last set.

                Hey now. We all forget to cable something when in a rush. Figured it out real quick though.. Don't recall a certain someone noticing either

                Fortumately I wasn't the one with the headphone cable smacking my ankles when I wasn't getting and ouput.


                Oh i noticed ,i Just wanted you to sweat it out a bit.

                Oh well, at least neither of us can manage to break a can of coke backstage...
                C++ for dummies:
                do.this()
                do.that()
                on.error(
                blame.microsoft())

                Comment


                • Originally posted by ctardi


                  Oh i noticed ,i Just wanted you to sweat it out a bit.



                  Yeah, I'm sure.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by bigmike216


                    Yeah, I'm sure.


                    You DO have to do some work occasionally...


                    We have gotten so good at stiffeling backstage laughter.......


                    Okay...i'll stop...mikes a post whore.
                    C++ for dummies:
                    do.this()
                    do.that()
                    on.error(
                    blame.microsoft())

                    Comment


                    • All of us who work late shows out of town have stories about being pulled over by the cops, because we're out on the road late, sometimes after a brew or two. The cops, although they are working the midnight shift, are suspicious of anyone else who is out on the road in the wee hours.

                      And there is always a small town on a big highway where the cops are responsible for much of the town's income. I have been stopped countless times in these little towns. I suspect I've been legally drunk a few times I was stopped by never got arrested for it.

                      I could tell you so many stories, it's happened to me so often. I'll settle for this one right now.

                      I got pulled over in Elgin TX which is a small hick town on a big highway, an infamous radar trap and DUI spot. I hadn't had anything at all to drink (because I was getting over a bad chest cold) but I knew my license plate was out of date.

                      So of course the cops had me pulled over, sitting on the hood of my truck while they ran the wants and warrants. I had a lot of time to think about how I was going to get out of it and I had a really shameful idea. I was worried about a bottle of prescription cough syrup lying on the seat, but I thought of a way to make it work in my favor.

                      I acted as sick as possible, put on a really good show of coughing up nasty sounding crap, shivering as if I were cold, and just looking generally miserable.

                      Finally the cops (who had been acting pretty mean up until this point) came over and explained they'd pulled me over for the expired plate, as I well knew. I said, "Oh, ****************, I'm sorry, I had no idea." They said suspiciously, "Didn't you get a renewal notice in the mail?" I said with a sigh, "Probably, I have a big stack of mail at home I haven't been able to go through yet since I just got out of the hospital."

                      The cop says, "Why are you out late if you're so sick?" I said, "I have to go back to work, I can't wait any longer. I really need the money, my insurance isn't very good. I'm a soundman" The cop looks in the cab of my truck and shines his light on my bottle of codeine cough syrup. He says, "How much of that have you had?" I say, "Just the prescribed amount." He asks, "How much have you had to drink?" I say, "Nothing, I don't feel well enough to drink." The cop says, "I don't see why you couldn't have waited until you were better to go back to work."

                      That's when I spring the trap, "Well, I'm not really going to get better" and look down as if I'm ashamed.

                      Now the cops get it. Suddenly all the meanness is gone and they're really nice to me. They ask if I can drive or if I need a ride home. I tell 'em I'm fine and apologize again for the expired plate. They say don't worry about it, get to it when you can, and let me go.

                      Now here's the really bad part, the part that finally made me feel guilty.

                      The next night I had to play in the same little town again and like a dumbass I still hadn't put the sticker on my license plate. But at least I'd gone and gotten it. Sure enough, the cops pull me over again in Elgin; they recognized my truck. They don't even hassle me about the license plate this time, they just ask me how I'm feeling and how far I have to go. Somewhere in there I tell them I did find the renewal sticker in my pile of mail.

                      They insist on putting it on for me right then and there. And one of the cops gives me an escort all the way to the dance hall where I'm working. The band sees me arrive followed by the cop car and assumes I'm toast. Instead, the cop gets out, puts his arm around me, and tells me to take it easy. He pats me on the back and leaves.

                      The band guys eyes about popped out of their head. When they asked me what was up, I just told them Elgin cops are very friendly.

                      Which really confused them.

                      Terry D.

                      P.S. I sincerely hope to God no Elgin cop is reading this right now, I still have to drive through there quite often.

                      $$$TDAK$$
                      Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

                      Comment


                      • from a karma view - i'd be gettin' a chest xray on a regular basis.


                        character is what you do when no one is looking

                        baldo

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by baldo
                          from a karma view - i'd be gettin' a chest xray on a regular basis.




                          Considering all the crappy things I've done from a karma view.....

                          I think something else might fall off first.....

                          Terry D.
                          Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

                          Comment


                          • Not a stupid story, nor particularly humorous. My health has taken a turn for the worse recently, reminding my just how precious and precarious life is. I was thinking about how many times I've come close to buying the farm, and the number is fairly large. Some things you know are risky (messing with a biker's woman with him asleep in the other room, for example) but sometimes trouble just comes out of nowhere.

                            This is one such story in my life.

                            I was in Houston one pretty day driving with my girlfriend toward downtown on IH610. I was headed toward a music store to check out some amps. Suddenly there was a huge BOOM and one of the tall buildings beside the road dropped all its copper colored glass in squares as if it was one huge sheet, falling in a graceful arc. It seemed like a slow motion ballet, I remember thinking how beautiful it was.

                            Then all the brake lights came on in a chain reaction and traffic slowed to a halt. Nobody was going anywhere and none of us could see what happened. Gridlock.

                            Many people got out of their cars and walked forward to see what sort of wreck had jammed up the entire four lanes of 610. We never did see it, but in a few minutes everyone was coughing and rubbing their eyes. There was a very strong ammonia smell.

                            I headed back for my car at a trot where my girlfriend was waiting. By now some people were wrapping shirts or other cloths around their face trying to keep the fumes out. I thought "**************** that" and looked for an escape. My eyes were starting to water pretty bad.

                            Luckily I was in the outside lane, and the shoulder wasn't too muddy. I was able to drive across the shoulder and get on the access road, which was fairly jammed up too. I ended up driving the wrong way down the access road shoulder, using the sidewalk part of the time. I was pretty anxious to leave.

                            I had no idea what was happening, finally caught a report on the radio. Here is the offical report:



                            Houston, TX on May 11, 1976
                            A tank truck carrying anhydrous ammonia wrecked on an exit ramp and toppled onto a freeway below. On impact, the tank ruptured and released about 7,500 gallons of ammonia. The ammonia immediately vaporized and formed a thick plume. With winds of about 7 mph, most of the ammonia cloud had dispersed after 5 minutes. The cloud surrounded the nearby Houston Post newspaper building
                            Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

                            Comment


                            • Anhyrdous ammonia is some serious stuff, it's used as a nitrogen source in commercial agricultural fertilizer, and also as the working fluid in both absorption and DX chillers (air conditioning and process refrigeration). People die from exposure rather regularly.... consider yourself and everyone around you very lucky.
                              -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                              Former product development engineer: Genz Benz, a KMC Music/FMIC/JAM Industries Company, continuing factory level product support and service for Genz Benz

                              Currently product development engineer: Mesa Boogie

                              Comment


                              • You guys ever work a show that wasn't as described?

                                Last night Pebblestar & I sure did. The way it was described to me was "outdoor singer-songwriter gig, plenty of PA provided, stage, 50-75 people, 4-5 acts playing, you guys headlining."

                                OK, I like those. Not much to bring, not much to set up and tear down, right?

                                You think I'd have learned by now.

                                First clue was even with the address it was impossible to find the place. When an address doesn't show up on MapQuest you should start to worry.

                                Called the place and got directions. Drove by three times before I saw it, mostly because it's not fronting on the street, it's fronting on an alley, and the one tiny sign that would have been visible from the street had a large pickup parked in front of it, completely obscuring the little sign.

                                Still could be good, right?

                                Parked and checked out the situation. Not good. First thing I notice is it's not even a bar, no alcohol for sale. After spending a couple of hours there, I'm still not exactly sure WHAT the place is, though I noticed some photographs and hand made items for sale.

                                No alcohol usually means no people, and this time was not the exception. I arrived early only to find everyone waiting on me. I asked why the act before us wasn't playing and was told, "She finished up early and left." Great. Everyone is standing around talking and watching me unload. Everyone is about 10 people, by the way.

                                But there really was a stage and a PA. The stage was not much, but I've played on worse. It was at least sturdy and roomy enough for the two of us and then some. But the PA (with monitors, we were told) was actually two boxes with 10" and horn (I didn't know anyone used less than a 12") and of course the small, ubiquitous Yamaha-esque powered mixer. No monitors.

                                When we do these small shows, we bring a drum machine which is actually an MP3 player in disguise. We have mix minuses of our band, usually just the drums and bass plus a little keys. We find that having horns or backup vocals in there is "jumping the shark" in Austin TX, meaning a step too far that is regarded as "cheesy." Sometimes when we get to the show we don't even use the drum machine, if it feels like that wouldn't be accepted. If there are other singer songwriters there just playing acoustic guitar with no bass or other instruments it might be like bringing a gun to a knife fight so we might refrain.

                                But then there are nights like this one, that aren't really gigs at all. You know the kind, just a few goofballs hanging out together who wouldn't go to a real show. They're going to cheer and tell you stories about themselves even if you can't play and sing in tune. It feels like playing for "friends" at a party, except you've never met these folks before. Not much is expected, so you can use a night like this to rehearse or jam or take some chances, because it doesn't "count" at all. All you have to do is get to the finish line, like running a drag race when the other guy doesn't show up. Not even any other musicians remaining to see us.

                                So I decide to use the drum machine, as a useful exercise since I've just redone the mixes and I'd like to see how they sound through a PA outdoors. Plus we need the practice as Pebble & I have been playing full band only lately.

                                First problem is we are shy one cable. This is because I grabbed stuff in a hurry, and had planned on miking the acoustic guitar. The "venue" has not even a single guitar cable to loan us. But when we mike it, we discover just how bad the PA really does sound. Ditto the drum machine, of course. So we 86 the drum machine, use that cable for the acoustic, and do a warmup number with me out in the "audience" to check the balance. To my horror, the "club" has provided a "sound person" who is anything but. Not good.

                                I am polite, of course, but determined to sound as good as possible. The sound person seems determined to make it sound as bad as possible, so after playing the first tune, without saying a word, I disconnect everything from the PA head except vocals and just plug it all into my Roland KC-300 keyboard amp I'm using for guitar. I kick one of the "mains cabs" around facing us.

                                Everything is immediately much better and we start to play the set. Pebble's acoustic is a little thin on the first tune, so I ask her to boost the bass on the guitar a little. The first and only humorous moment of the night occurs as the sound person hears what we're saying and says, "Don't do that, I already turned up the bass on the acoustic in the PA."

                                The guitar is not connected to the PA. But I guess the soundperson already cranked the bass and "heard" it get louder out front.

                                Already a seasoned pro at 24, Pebble simply says, "Oh, thanks!" with a big smile, while covertly boosting the lows on her guitar controls.

                                If it was me, I'd have been meaner. I'd have asked the soundperson to give me more guitar in the "monitors."



                                Terry D.
                                Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

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