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  • My Apologies

    Another new tune

    New-ish, anyway

    https://soundcloud.com/songwriter101/fields-of-silence
    smoke - new album
    the mirror - album
    storm - album
    the asylum - forum

  • #2
    I like it Mark...Sounds real Beatley, tasy stuff down theree at the end too..
    http://thebasement.createaforum.com/

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    • #3
      Originally posted by AlamoJoe View Post
      I like it Mark...Sounds real Beatley, tasy stuff down theree at the end too..
      'Beatley' is the biggest compliment anyone could give me

      Thanks very much, mate
      smoke - new album
      the mirror - album
      storm - album
      the asylum - forum

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      • #4
        'Scue the typos Bro.....Meant TASTY stuff...and....Yeah..Beately remains the Highest compliment I believe I could bestow on anyone. I meant it. I strive for it personally. Mebbe someday...I'll get one...But "Fields of Silence" merited it...
        http://thebasement.createaforum.com/

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        • #5
          You're very kind

          My advice to you is keep plugging away. 99% of the stuff I write is complete drivel, but every now and again I'll come up with something that I think others may like. Keep at it, mate. It's the only way
          smoke - new album
          the mirror - album
          storm - album
          the asylum - forum

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          • #6
            Originally posted by MarkydeSad View Post

            some nice material, but it doesn't sound finished to me. the proportions and form of it seem all wrong and not satisfying at all. I don't know where I am in the song.

            if it were me, I would view this as a draft, and then re-arrange it with a more satisfying format.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Goober(s) View Post


              some nice material, but it doesn't sound finished to me. the proportions and form of it seem all wrong and not satisfying at all. I don't know where I am in the song.

              if it were me, I would view this as a draft, and then re-arrange it with a more satisfying format.
              Interesting comments. Thanks

              Sometimes I like to deviate from the verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, middle 8, double chorus thing. I did so on this occasion. Maybe that's why you feel a bit lost
              smoke - new album
              the mirror - album
              storm - album
              the asylum - forum

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              • #8
                Originally posted by MarkydeSad View Post

                Interesting comments. Thanks

                Sometimes I like to deviate from the verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, middle 8, double chorus thing. I did so on this occasion. Maybe that's why you feel a bit lost

                perhaps...


                ... and I'm all for deviation.


                I listened to it again and liked it better, and you know I'm your biggest fan...


                it's just not hitting the bullseye for me quite yet. I do like the lyrics tho.


                I'd probably toss some of that solo, like the whole synth part, and just go right to the guitar solo...


                i think that would help

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                • #9
                  I was HOPING it was a new tune, rather than an actual apology!
                  learjeff.net

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Goober(s) View Post


                    perhaps...


                    ... and I'm all for deviation.


                    I listened to it again and liked it better, and you know I'm your biggest fan...


                    it's just not hitting the bullseye for me quite yet. I do like the lyrics tho.


                    I'd probably toss some of that solo, like the whole synth part, and just go right to the guitar solo...


                    i think that would help
                    If you listen to it as many times as I've had to do, you'll end up loving it

                    I tried doing a guitar solo all the way through, but it seemed to go on too long. Therefore I broke it in half by adding the synth part. You've no idea how many attempts I made at those fairly simple solo bits. I'm not a natural soloist
                    smoke - new album
                    the mirror - album
                    storm - album
                    the asylum - forum

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by learjeff View Post
                      I was HOPING it was a new tune, rather than an actual apology!
                      It's both, Jeff!
                      smoke - new album
                      the mirror - album
                      storm - album
                      the asylum - forum

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                      • #12
                        Hah! Great tune, btw, up to your usual standards (just got a chance to listen.)

                        The fade out during singing is unusual. I didn't think I liked it, but then I noticed that I couldn't call ever hearing that before, so OK OK! Anything almost nobody else does is worth doing at least once!
                        learjeff.net

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by learjeff View Post
                          Hah! Great tune, btw, up to your usual standards (just got a chance to listen.)

                          The fade out during singing is unusual. I didn't think I liked it, but then I noticed that I couldn't call ever hearing that before, so OK OK! Anything almost nobody else does is worth doing at least once!
                          Thanks

                          Hey, what are rules for if not to be broken?
                          smoke - new album
                          the mirror - album
                          storm - album
                          the asylum - forum

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by MarkydeSad View Post

                            If you listen to it as many times as I've had to do, you'll end up loving it

                            I tried doing a guitar solo all the way through, but it seemed to go on too long. Therefore I broke it in half by adding the synth part. You've no idea how many attempts I made at those fairly simple solo bits. I'm not a natural soloist

                            it is true that it's growing on me

                            what I like a LOT is the way it starts w/o an introduction, and with the word "listen," commanding people to... listen.

                            also, the lyrics describe claustrophobia, and the music is claustrophobic, essentially boxed into just a handful of notes. it's claustrophobic music for a claustrophobic song.

                            as for the solo, it does seem too long to me. why not just cut out the synth part altogether, and make the solo half as long, starting with the guitar material.

                            anyway, feel free to ignore my suggestion.... i don't pretend that my take on this is any better than yours, it's your song, you rock, and we're just a bunch of sunday morning quarterbacks!

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                            • #15
                              Well I could do that, but then I'd have to discard the Em, Bm, D, A sequence. I quite like that chord sequence, because it leads nicely into the next one: Am(add9), D, Dsus4

                              So I'll be leaving things as they are

                              Glad the song is growing on you
                              smoke - new album
                              the mirror - album
                              storm - album
                              the asylum - forum

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